LSgirl Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I'm 26 years old and I've always been a fairly jealous person. I'll look at girls and think, oh that would be my bf's type, I'm glad he's not here to see her lol or I'll even get jealous of some pretty girl on tv and hope he doens't see her either haha as funny as I think it is sometimes, other times it sort of eats me. As I grew up I realized I couldn't change how I felt, but that I could change how I dealt with it. I come off more confident than I really am, but who doesn't? I hide my jealousy and pretend that I don't even notice the pretty waitress and try my best to stay away from showing that kind of insecurity towards my bf. Now to the part where I need more help with. I've been with my bf for over a year but before me, he was with his ex-fiancee for 9 years, she was bisexual, ended up cheating on him with a girl and has been with her since for a year and a half. He ended the relationship and she recently moved to another state with her gf. I've never met this girl, and I know once in a blue moon she has called him for advice as they have known each other most of their lives and still remain close and know each other's family very well. While I know he would never get back together with her, I know he will always have a place of love in his heart even though she hurt him. He doesn't sugarcoat things and one of the things I like about him is his blunt honesty. She was his best friend, his first love, engaged, and I know this is something that will affect him for the rest of his life. The kind of love he had for her was genuine, and strong, I can see how much he truly cared for this woman, and as much as i admired it, I feel jealous that I'll never have what they have and maybe not even close. The thing is, me and her are completely different. She's tall, blonde, gorgeous, free spirited, fun, dancer, outgoing, loved to cook, while I'm more introverted brown hair, average height, never cook, I'm more of a book reader at home and watch a good movie kind of girl and talk about conspiracy theories lol Once in awhile I go on facebook to see if she's changed her photo, and today I saw she did and hadn't in a long time and I felt jealous. I'm not obsessed as I could be, but just the fact that she was this huge person in my bf's life and he'll never forget her and probably always remain friends in some way makes me sad. How do I get over this? I told my friend about this today and she said "you're pretty too, and I'm sure she probably has looked at your facebook and thought the same" while this has crossed my mind before, it made me feel a little better, but still makes me jealous. How do I get over this? The last thing I want to do is pretend to be more like her. I know he likes me for my own qualities, but I can't shake this feeling away that she was just this beautiful fun free-spirited girl that he was going to marry and I can't seem to look past that. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Just the fact that you can "fake it till you make it" by acting not jealous is a huge first step towards a more satisfying relationship. So you're definitely on the right path. I think the next step would be to develop a "ce la vie" attitude. Try to look at life as a day-by-day journey that you really have very little control over. You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, much less 1, 5, 10 years down the road. So if your bf is telling you with his words and actions that he's committed to you, try to enjoy the moment. He could have fleeting thoughts of his ex (probably does), could run off with her, could run off with someone else. But you could also develop feelings for someone else, over time. You don't know where life will take you over the years, or what you're capable of in the right circumstances. (I'm not trying to accuse you, just saying we're all capable of some of the very things we worry about most in others). So just try to take each day as it comes, and enjoy it! I understand your logic of comparing yourself to her, and feeling so different from her that you have some doubts about your bf's feelings. However, as different as you may appear, you're bf's love is probably based more on the ways you make your bf feel special and loved...not about your looks/interests etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LSgirl Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 This was really great advice, I even read this again when I woke up the next day, thank you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Speaking from experience LS...I've been there, done (well...doing less of) that Link to post Share on other sites
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