onequikcamaro3500 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 To sum it all up quick, been dating this girl for 8 months, living with her for 6. had some trust issues in the past but we smoothed everything out and are going great. About a 10 days ago some guy befriended her on facebook, i thought nothing of it until she said his last name in her sleep. Now this guy has a younger sister who my GF goes to school with. Last week my GF was over their house wednesday, thursday, slept over friday, and blew me of after work saturday night to go there also. More and more facts emerge and im more and more paranoid and hurt. Turns out my GF has this guys number stored in her phone under his sisters name so i dont get suspicious, and doesnt even have the sisters number. The whole time shes been telling me she goes there to hang out with the sister and the brother just approached her in a friendly manner. Yesterday she admitted to me that the sister doesnt smoke or drink, and everytime she goes there she chills and smokes with the brother. Last night i seen a facebook convo between them that basically started with a HEY, and ended up with them sharing similar interests theyre both passionate about (animals - i hate animals) and agreeing to hang out, and him giving my GF his number. She has been there every day since last wednesday with the exception of last night and thats when i confronted her. She claimed shes young and has always been locked down and is just having fun and making new friends. We banged and smoothed things over, but i have such an uneasy feeling about this. She says she hid the "friendship" from me because ive had issues with her having guy friends in the past. I feel awful about all this and dont know what to do. Please help, valentines is tomorrow. This girl lives with me so dont just say break it off, I would be a complete mess. Link to post Share on other sites
USCGAviator Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Break it off. She's already regrets moving in with you Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Dude, when you start hiding things in a relationship, then you have no relationship. She's spending more time with this guy than with you! You have to go with your gut on this one. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, then 9 times out of 10 your gut is right. The next time she says she's going over there to hang out, ask if you can tag along, I mean, they're only friends right? Shouldn't be a big deal. But, if she makes excuses, or looks dejected at the idea, uncomfortable...then somethings up. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 This girl lives with me so dont just say break it off, I would be a complete mess. Break it off. She's already regrets moving in with you BREAK IT OFF. On a more serious note, you should break it off with her. Yeah, that's right, she's actually spending all her days with him and even nights, and if you think they are playing chess... than you're wrong, she's probably not clever enough for that. She claimed shes young and has always been locked down and is just having fun and making new friends Yeah, the thing is, you don't go sleep over at new friends houses, especially if you are living with your BF..... P.S. Don't forget to bang her like never before, before you break up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 You moved in with her after 2 months? Or dated 8 & living together 6? Either way, too soon to live with someone. Who pays the rent & bills? Is she carrying her weight? could she live on her own if you boot her or move out? Whose name is on the lease? Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 She says she hid the "friendship" from me because ive had issues with her having guy friends in the past. Making excuses is not ok. She needs to be honest about her relationships with other people. You should be her first priority. If you think the relationship she has with another man is inappropriate, she needs to end it, or the relationship with you needs to end. period. This cannot be sustained without honest and respect. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Making excuses is not ok. She needs to be honest about her relationships with other people. You should be her first priority. If you think the relationship she has with another man is inappropriate, she needs to end it, or the relationship with you needs to end. period. This cannot be sustained without honest and respect. cheater's must all use the same playbook. My-ex wife said the same thing about her "guy friend". Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 She is def cheating on you. Sleeping over? Where does she supposedly sleep when she spends the night? She is a liar, as you already know. And I agree, you should NOT have been living with her after 2 mos, damn! How old are you two? Why did she agree to live with you etc if she is so young and needs to be free? Dump her, are you serious with the "don't tell me to break it off" shiz? Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 cheater's must all use the same playbook. My-ex wife said the same thing about her "guy friend". In my younger days I used to think my friendships with men were innocent. I was wrong. The majority of the close ones wanted more than friendship, though didn't admit it at the time. I'm not that naive anymore. I have guy friends, but not ones with non-existent boundary lines. IMO, very close relationships with members of the opposite sex when you're in a relationshop is asking for trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 We banged and smoothed things over, but i have such an uneasy feeling about this. Sounds like she tried the ol' post-fight-sex-memory-wipe on you, but it didn't take... You're lucky, this time. She says she hid the "friendship" from me because ive had issues with her having guy friends in the past. Ouch, I just pulled the muscles in my eyes because they rolled so far back in my head... I can't add much different from what everybody else is telling you. I'd also be interested to know how old the two of you are; she sounds immature, and you sound inexperienced. I don't mean that as a cut towards you, just that I wish you would stand up for yourself and your position in the relationship, and not feel like you've got no options or that your life will be over if it ends. But that all comes with time and healing... Link to post Share on other sites
oren ish Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Stabilize yourself here mate... protect your own needs, walk away and initiate NC... Its hard to do but she is kind of insulting you and the more you try to repair the relationship or probe the more you will damage your own self... Ive just been through this... and if i could go back and take the shortcut i proposed to you I would... i cheater is a unique kind of breed... An emotional conartist! The faster you realize this the better your new life can be... At all cost avoid damage and limit any breadcrumb activity's that WILL come because of your showing strength... Breadcrumbs are the hardest part of a break up i believe... it took me a fair while to get it my self... Like other Guru's around here say... Unless she is breaking your door down with remorse its best to protect yourself... ... Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Like still other gurus around here say: D.T.M.F.A. !!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 To sum it all up quick, been dating this girl for 8 months, living with her for 6. Too fast... Too quick... End it. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 She says she hid the "friendship" from me because ive had issues with her having guy friends in the past. Bulls***. She hid it from you because there is more to it than a friendship. Not only that she is spending WAY too much time with him. And she is blaming her lie by omission on you. I feel awful about all this and dont know what to do. You shouldn't feel awful. She is up to no good, and your gut told you that. Your gut isn't wrong. If there is truly nothing going on, she would have had no problem telling you. Or hey, how about having you come along with her. And in any event, something seriously wrong with someone who goes out of their way to make too many friends of the opposite sex. I'd tread very lightly with this girl. Please help, valentines is tomorrow. This girl lives with me so dont just say break it off, I would be a complete mess. Don't just say break it off? Ok I won't. If you are willing to let her make a fool out of you, and get you to think its your fault she makes friends with a guy she sees on a regular basis, when you aren't around, then hey, there isn't much I can say but, good luck with that. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Turns out my GF has this guys number stored in her phone under his sisters name so i dont get suspicious, and doesnt even have the sisters number. She has been there every day since last wednesday with the exception of last night and thats when i confronted her. These say it all. But if you don't want to get rid of a girlfriend that is OBVIOUSLY cheating on you, or about to, then there is nothing we can really tell you. She isn't spending every day with him to play Xbox, that I can assure you. Link to post Share on other sites
BeyondtheClouds Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Sounds like she tried the ol' post-fight-sex-memory-wipe on you, but it didn't take... You're lucky, this time. Ouch, I just pulled the muscles in my eyes because they rolled so far back in my head... I can't add much different from what everybody else is telling you. I'd also be interested to know how old the two of you are; she sounds immature, and you sound inexperienced. I don't mean that as a cut towards you, just that I wish you would stand up for yourself and your position in the relationship, and not feel like you've got no options or that your life will be over if it ends. But that all comes with time and healing... I think it's the sign of the times. Last year around this time I started to get concern that my guy was carrying with his socalled ex. When I looked for assistance IRL and on message boards, I was told without fail: 1. There was nothing I could do about it. 2. Accept or reject 3. You're a sorry ass insecure piece of ****. Maybe the back lash against opposite sex friendships is gaining currency. Even on this board you can get for and against opinions. But my attitude these days is, you want me to stop dating other men and dedicate my free time to you, then you owe me big time.........and that means complete transparency with the other people you deal with. In any case it works for me, going on 20 months exclusive and I see him tonight for VD. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I think it's the sign of the times. Last year around this time I started to get concern that my guy was carrying with his socalled ex. When I looked for assistance IRL and on message boards, I was told without fail: 1. There was nothing I could do about it. 2. Accept or reject 3. You're a sorry ass insecure piece of ****. Maybe the back lash against opposite sex friendships is gaining currency. Well, I think it's also a matter of degree. You've got situations from "my BF is still Facebook friends with his ex" all the way up to more serious, more involved stuff. In this case, his gf is having sleepovers under false pretenses. I'm pretty sure there wasn't ever a time when that was OK. Link to post Share on other sites
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