Hey Guys, been reading through the posts and I have a situation of my own:
I've been dating this girl for about 3 months now, and it seems to be going pretty well. I am really interested in this one but she has her quirks like all people do. One thing she does that really makes me ill is when were intimate or talking about something she will relate the situation back to her past boyfriends. Like for example tonight she was joking around but she said she was going to call her old bf, but continued with the point of the joke that she actually hung up on me and it kind of sparked panic in me that she was really going to call him. When I said wanted to go down on her she said not to because she once had a bf that had a tounge ring that couldn't compare...And the third thing is that she talks about how wild she use to be and how her and her old boyfriends would go out and drink or go to parties. Mind you I'm not attracted to that sort of thing and shes not been like that around me, but I can't help but feel inferior to her standards and it's really starting to screw with my head. I've approached her about how it bothers me and she just shoves it back in my face and says I say things that bother her as well, but can't really give me a solid example. I'm starting to wonder why she's even with me if she keeps comparing me to her past signifigant others. I am at my wits end about what I should to or say to her, but I don't want to give up and just drop the relationship because other than this I enjoy being with her. I would appreciate some advice from anyone or just another perspective on the situation, thanks guys
You may enjoy being with her, but can you stand her being insensitive to your feelings? You have even told her that it bothers you - and she disregarded that. People should be kind to one another - people in relationships even more so. This gal doesn't seem to have what it takes.
You could take a more drastic route and tell her next time she does it you're leaving. However, if she's unwilling to acknowledge that she's being unkind and you don't want to ditch her, you will have to figure out a way to develop a thicker hide.
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
There are two types of people, those who seek advice, and those who seek what they want to hear. For the sake of the fact that you sound like a good guy, I hope you're the former.
Leave her. Not only she is she engaging in destructive behavior, but she's not communicating with you. The first is forgivable if you're willing to work through it, the second is pretty much a clear-cut "Go to Hell."
Give her a final chance to knock that behavior off, otherwise tell her that you'd best be on your way. Besides, I'm sure her next boyfriend won't be happy being compared to you. Eventually, she'll either tire of acting out in a sabotaging manner, or she'll find a guy that doesn't mind being treated with said unfairness.
I understand that it is hard for you to come to this decision, because you enjoy spending time with her. But at least you haven't deluded yourself into believing that you're in love with her. There are over 6,000,000 people on this Earth. More than half of those are women. Find one that you not only enjoy spending time with, but who enjoys spending time with you.
Dude, you've got to put her out on the curb like tomorrow morning's garbage pick-up.
What it boils down to is that she's a player (yes, there are actually women players). I may be entirely wrong, but my guess is that she probably has more experience dating than you do, or maybe she's older than you. Whatever it is, she sees signs of weakness in you and she's ruthlessly exploiting them for nothing more than her own measure of security. She's trying to establish her dominance and control in the relationship, and she's convinced that you'll take it.
Here's what you do: you don't call her, and don't email her. Don't contact her; let her contact you instead. Be calm, relaxed, confident. And just tell her that you've been thinking that it's time to move on. I'd be willing to bet any amount of money you'll shock the ever-living ***** out of her. She doesn't think you have it in you. She thinks you're not man enough to stand up to her.
Be forewarned, though: it won't necessarily be pretty. She'll go back and forth between crying and whining like a little girl and acting like a witch. She's convinced that she owns you, and when one partner feels like they own another, they try to whip the recalcitrant slave with fury.
Trust me. Break up and don't look back. I, and any other man who cares about himself, would never take that kind of cr@p from a woman like that.
You need a girl who loves, respects, and appreciates you for who you are..not a girl who constantly critisises you, puts you down, and compares you to her ex bfs!! You need to make it clear to her that everytime she says these things, it irritates you, it hurts you & it makes you ill!
yea im kinda in the same sitsuation that you are in and last nite i finally had enough. so today im gonna break things off because i realilzed i need better, and i need someone that will love me for me. so i hope that you do what makes you happy in the long run.
Originally posted by red_robo
Hey Guys, been reading through the posts and I have a situation of my own:
One thing she does that really makes me ill is when were intimate or talking about something she will relate the situation back to her past boyfriends. Like for example tonight she was joking around but she said she was going to call her old bf, but continued with the point of the joke that she actually hung up on me and it kind of sparked panic in me that she was really going to call him. When I said wanted to go down on her she said not to because she once had a bf that had a tounge ring that couldn't compare..
Ok, I'll never understand people like this. So, she's going to turn down oral sex from someone she purports to care about because theres no way anyone could ever be better than her ex who had a piece of steel in his tongue. A guy she's not with anymore..it couldn't have been THAT good. Talk about stupid. So she's never going to have oral again? She's a cold, manipulative shrew who is insecure.
Anyway, I agree with the others. Either live with it (and be controlled the whole time), stand up for yourself and ignore her to see what she does or better yet just dump her and be with someone who cares about you and your feelings.
My ex GF is 37, so if you're younger, this stuff doesn't go away with age. My ex GF was doing "one night stands" with strangers" prior to meeting me, so it wasn't even like she had a relationship to compare me to....she didn't even know these guy's names. I didn't mind so much her initially telling me she had a past that consisted of primarily casual sex, but comparing my body parts to guys during intimacy was "over the top". She also told me to get over it ....it was in the past yada, yada, yada, but if it was always on the tip of her tongue, then it wasn't forgotten nor in the past. It all became MY problem as far as she was concerned because she was not going to walk on egg shells over what she was allowed to talk about around me. My sensitive self and I walked away.....even as much as I wanted her to be mine....and you really should too. If you are wired to be sensitive, then you will make some other woman very happy, but your current scenerio will drive you insane.
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