Insanely jealous girlfriend.

[ZimboGon]

At first it was cute, now its just annoying. I'm an incredibly loyal boyfriend, and i always have been. When i am dating someone, i stay dedicated to that person.

 

My girlfriend, however, is very territorial. Throughout our history together, girls have come onto me, close female friends have admit feelings towards me, ect. My girlfriend forbids me to talk to them, constantly spews horrible things about them to me and refuses to refer to them by name, instead opting to call them either 'b*tch' or 'whore'.

 

She's a beautiful, confident girl. Thats why is confuses me. She freaks out to the point she sounds sick if she even hears about me talking to another girl. I go out to lunch, she asks me who and i tell her and if i even mention one girl, she says "why do you do this to me? :("

 

I have to call her, calm her down and reassure her how much i love her and am faithful to her. It drives me nuts.

[Philosoraptor]

I'll respond to this one as well.

 

Read your past threads about this girl. She is in no way mature enough to handle any sort of long term relationship. She is very insecure and it has rubbed off on you to the point where you are starting to get more insecure about her. It is not your job to fix someone who is lost within themselves. You can offer them the tools, but constant reassurance just leaves them more and more dependent on that rather than fixing the issues. You also have shown her that you are willing to cave to her demands (forbidding you to talk to people... really) and that her lack of trust and faith in you doesn't deter you at all.

 

I dealt with a very insecure and jealous person for 5 years, you lose yourself in it. You end up beaten down and lost. It's not fun, not healthy, and will not work. Until she grows up and matures this will continue to be an issue.

 

You seem to not be willing to do what is best for you. So the best advice I can give you is to consider couples therapy... or mention to her that she could use some for her low self esteem.

[freestyle]

At first it was cute, now its just annoying. I'm an incredibly loyal boyfriend, and i always have been. When i am dating someone, i stay dedicated to that person.

 

My girlfriend, however, is very territorial. Throughout our history together, girls have come onto me, close female friends have admit feelings towards me, ect. My girlfriend forbids me to talk to them, constantly spews horrible things about them to me and refuses to refer to them by name, instead opting to call them either 'b*tch' or 'whore'.

 

She's a beautiful, confident girl. Thats why is confuses me. She freaks out to the point she sounds sick if she even hears about me talking to another girl. I go out to lunch, she asks me who and i tell her and if i even mention one girl, she says "why do you do this to me? :("

 

I have to call her, calm her down and reassure her how much i love her and am faithful to her. It drives me nuts.

 

 

 

How strong are your boundaries with your female friends?

Do you discuss your gf, or relationship issues with them?

If you do, that could be contributing to your gf's insecurities.

 

Why would you keep female friends who have admitted to having more than platonic feelings for you in a close orbit ? Do you think it's fair to the friends?

Or your gf, for that matter?

 

Please consider what kind of message that behavior sends to your gf.

 

And please consider how YOU would feel, if the shoe was on the other foot.

 

What if your gf kept male friends around that had admitted to having romantic intentions towards her?

 

Would you be comfortable with her having lunch with him, without, you?

Would you be comfortable if she was discussing your relationship with him, in your absence?

How would you feel if she didn't volunteer the fact that she had lunch with him--instead you had to play 20 questions to pry it out of her?

 

And then, if you complained, she labeled you as "annoying".........

 

It's pretty much a given that her 'friend' with romantic interests isn't going to give a hoot about YOUR best interests---if anything he's likely to try to sabotage or undermine her opinion of you. He's competing with you, to win her away.

 

Imagine how you would feel if your gf was being chummy, and spending one on one time with someone who's just waiting for a chance to swoop in, waiting for a chink in the foundation.

 

Wouldn't that make you wonder?

 

 

If you are having one-on -one lunches with other females who are interested in you--while you're in an exclusive relationship, you're dancing very close to the edge of the precipice. There's a lot of people who would call that still dating around.It can come across as thumbing your nose at your partner.Think very hard about the message that sends..............

 

IME--if you want to have a successful R--you need to weed out the friends who are not truly friends of the relationship. That goes for BOTH sides of the fence. Otherwise, insecurities will happen. Jealousy will happen.

 

Sometimes jealousy is justified---if it's provoked by one party's actions.

Even the most confident person, can become jealous, if their partner insists upon keeping would-be suitors/rivals close at hand.

[ZimboGon]

Funny you say all that. She gets jealous of friends who don't even live in the same state, as long as they are female she doesn't want me talking to them.

 

How would i feel if she did that to me? Well, she left me for one of her friends one time. She admitted to having feelings for him, and when i told her i didn't like her spending time with him i was labeled 'annoying' and 'controlling' and she left me for him.

 

Funny, as i never had a problem with her having male friends expect for the one person who confessed feelings for her. The second i had any behavior that resembled jealousy, it was as if i was a terrible person.

 

I think the fact that i came back for her after she left me for some insecure emotionally unstable man shows good character in me and is worth trusting. I was never the one who left her or looked at another woman.

[DontWorryBHappy]

Funny you say all that. She gets jealous of friends who don't even live in the same state, as long as they are female she doesn't want me talking to them.

 

How would i feel if she did that to me? Well, she left me for one of her friends one time. She admitted to having feelings for him, and when i told her i didn't like her spending time with him i was labeled 'annoying' and 'controlling' and she left me for him.

 

Funny, as i never had a problem with her having male friends expect for the one person who confessed feelings for her. The second i had any behavior that resembled jealousy, it was as if i was a terrible person.

 

I think the fact that i came back for her after she left me for some insecure emotionally unstable man shows good character in me and is worth trusting. I was never the one who left her or looked at another woman.

 

In this, you are wrong. What it shows about your character is that you don't think enough of yourself to stay away from a girl who would leave you for another man. She knows now that she can get away with betraying you and still have you, so she probably figures she can be an insecure bitch too. I mean, you enable everything she does...so what do you expect?

[PegNosePete]

Oh man, if someone treated me like that then they would be ditched so quick I would have to FedEx her shadow to her.

 

I don't care how beautiful or confident she is, she has problems and it is not your job to fix her. Dating a "fixer upper" always leads to disaster.

[loversquarrel]

Funny you say all that. She gets jealous of friends who don't even live in the same state, as long as they are female she doesn't want me talking to them.

 

How would i feel if she did that to me? Well, she left me for one of her friends one time. She admitted to having feelings for him, and when i told her i didn't like her spending time with him i was labeled 'annoying' and 'controlling' and she left me for him.

 

Funny, as i never had a problem with her having male friends expect for the one person who confessed feelings for her. The second i had any behavior that resembled jealousy, it was as if i was a terrible person.

 

I think the fact that i came back for her after she left me for some insecure emotionally unstable man shows good character in me and is worth trusting. I was never the one who left her or looked at another woman.

 

 

Well then, you're an idiot for staying with her. Honestly, the girl sounds like another borderline - look it up and I bet you will find she matches most of the other symptoms of this illness. Insane jealousy, making you out to be the bad guy, low self esteem, breaking up with you because of her feelings for someone else (detachment) and she's b.s. because you talk to another girl, just a few here....you better think of running for the hills. She isn't confident at all.

[2sunny]

She's completely out of line - and you are allowing it to continue.

 

You need to find a boundary that works for you! Allowing her to call the shots to the point of not allowing you to speak to half the population? What kind of bs is that? Why would you even put up with that for one second?

 

Show her the door!!!! NOW!

[Dust]

At first it was cute, now its just annoying. I'm an incredibly loyal boyfriend, and i always have been. When i am dating someone, i stay dedicated to that person.

 

It is kind of cute isn't it. But now its all drama, stress, and anoying.

 

My girlfriend' date=' however, is very territorial. Throughout our history together, girls have come onto me, close female friends have admit feelings towards me, ect. My girlfriend forbids me to talk to them, constantly spews horrible things about them to me and refuses to refer to them by name, instead opting to call them either 'b*tch' or 'whore'. [/quote']

 

Why are girls comming onto you? Better question why are you rubbing it in your gf face? I mean its one thing if you're out at a restaurant and a grop of girls comes over to your table in front of your gf and starts hitting on you... But if you're spending a lone time and or communicating with them privatly internet/phone/txt then why would they come onto you... and if they do just cut contact no need to make your gf jelous and rub it in her face. What do you care if your gf calls some random girl you felt the need to talk about rub in her face a bich?

 

She's a beautiful, confident girl. Thats why is confuses me. She freaks out to the point she sounds sick if she even hears about me talking to another girl. I go out to lunch, she asks me who and i tell her and if i even mention one girl, she says "why do you do this to me? :("

 

I have to call her, calm her down and reassure her how much i love her and am faithful to her. It drives me nuts.

 

Dude why are you going out to lunch, dinner or anything with other girls? Personaly I think you're causing a lot of drama.

 

Funny you say all that. She gets jealous of friends who don't even live in the same state' date=' as long as they are female she doesn't want me talking to them.[/quote']

 

Why are you talking to other girls? I wouldn't enjoy a gf who talked to guys even if they were the man in the moon. I mean short of guys she talks to for work.

 

How would i feel if she did that to me? Well, she left me for one of her friends one time. She admitted to having feelings for him, and when i told her i didn't like her spending time with him i was labeled 'annoying' and 'controlling' and she left me for him.

 

Funny, as i never had a problem with her having male friends expect for the one person who confessed feelings for her. The second i had any behavior that resembled jealousy, it was as if i was a terrible person.

 

Yeah she cheated on you! You should respect yourself more. Any guy who is her "friend" and has private relationship with her wants more... Just realize that.

 

I think the fact that i came back for her after she left me for some insecure emotionally unstable man shows good character in me and is worth trusting. I was never the one who left her or looked at another woman.

 

Actualy it shows you're a doormat for just taking her back and I can see why she'd have not trust in you. I mean she cheated on you so it would make sense for you to be a cheater as well. I mean she's giving you atleast that much respect to assume you're a cheater too and not a complete doormat. Have some respect for yourself and dump her.

 

Also own up to the fact that you're not just some victim and bringing drama into your life.

[make me believe]

I think you're giving out the wrong signals to other girls if they are coming onto you and admitting feelings for you so frequently. I would be bothered and worried about that too if I was your gf.... It sounds like you need to have stronger boundaries, like freestyle said.

 

If you make it clear that you're NOT available, and you're not flirting with girls and making them feel 'special', they aren't going to do this stuff. Most people don't just randomly admit to having feelings for a friend of theirs who they know is in a happy relationship. So I think there is an issue with how you are relating to these girls. You're doing SOMETHING that makes them feel comfortable enough to hit on you and "confess" their feelings.

 

I agree with everything Dust said..

[kaylan]

Wait wait, she can have guy friends and leave you for one of them...but you cannot have chick friends even if you are faithful and not bailing on her? Sounds like shes paranoid because she knows she screwed up before.

 

Honestly Id bail. I couldnt be with a girl who didnt trust me. Much less a girl with double standards who already left me. Personally theres nothing to say she wouldnt do it again. And I cannot believe that shes freaking out and being all scared of what she thinks you will do, when shes done that very thing herself already.

 

She doesnt deserve you imo, OP.