LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating > Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

She is a cheater & I can't forgive her this is ROCK BOTTOM FOR ME


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11th November 2011, 10:59 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 5
She is a cheater & I can't forgive her this is ROCK BOTTOM FOR ME

I'am or was engaged to my fiance until recently I found some facebook messages she had with another guy about missing each other and when he gets back someone is gonna have to pry her off him, its going to be like there first time, cant wait to try new stuff she says,he says he is horny he ask her to send him a video of herself she says she has got to wait until I'am sleep. So i confront her and she denies and says she was jus starting conversation same time last year I almost left her cause she was talking to this very same guy exsesivley it was the worst Xmas, b-day, new year and anniversery. so rescently I finally get her to confess she slept with hime before we dated and she cheated on me with him right after her bday in Dec, her and my step daughter my son and her GF went to her mothers three states over the day after her bday left from there for a hour or two and met him at a hotel and had sex then after that a couple days later came back from her mothers, it was my sons first christmas then my b-day then new years which is our anniversery. So I ask why cheat she says we felt like roomates, that i was unssure of planning the wedding, and that we argued alot which was all BS cause I gave her everything I work she is a stay at home mom then she said she lost sight of us and beging me to stay cause I told her if she told me the truth I wouldnt leave her, she is saying I can have other relationships and can cheat as many times as I want too and she will do what ever it takes to make it work, the guy was someone she went to school with and is in the military and is married and just has there third child and me and his wife are now secreatly talking about the situation and he is now overseas and dont know nothing about whats going on. What do I do? My life is falling apart!!! my son is ill and in the hospital in another city all the trips have me broke and behind in bills from missing work, we are still living together but I cant stand to look at her one min I'am fine the next I'am hitting rock bottom, I tried telling her to leave and did'nt follow threw she is manipulative and uses sex to try making things right but I told her it makes things worse. Answers PLEASE
redbull101 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th November 2011, 1:18 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: western pa.
Posts: 1,866
buddy, run like your azz is on fire...do not marry her,and for gods sake quit having sex with her, before you get her pregnant and your deeper in crap.
mark982 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2011, 2:29 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Eastern Shore of Maryland
Posts: 1,825
Since you're not M'd, and don't have kids together, this one's EASY.

Run, don't walk away.
__________________
Go Heavy or go home!
Disregard Females, Aquire Currency
seibert253 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2011, 10:31 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,747
She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. She will continually cheat on you. She plays you like a violin. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. Again it is clear that she has no respect for you and just wants a ring on her finger. If you do not respect yourself then who will? She is toxic to you. Do you really think she is the only woman on this planet for you?
Bryanp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2011, 1:44 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 441
She has all the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, run for the hills!!!! Its hard but it will happen again. She is manipulating you into staying, she will detach from you again and the cycle will remain. Seriously do it for you and your child. She is not stable.
loversquarrel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2011, 2:08 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Desensitized's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 464
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryanp View Post
She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. She will continually cheat on you. She plays you like a violin. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. Again it is clear that she has no respect for you and just wants a ring on her finger. If you do not respect yourself then who will? She is toxic to you. Do you really think she is the only woman on this planet for you?
i'd have to agree with Bryan on this one. I was with a woman similar to this (engaged to her) and she was exactly like the girl you are mentioning. All they want is a ring on their finger, they are toxic for you and they are so hard to get rid of. Try moving on. It's difficult, but you can do it. Hope it all works out for you.
Desensitized is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2011, 11:48 PM   #7
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 5
Post need a response, Rock bottom for me

But i love her so much & still cabt beleive wht she done, cant find myself being with nor can i find myself staying with her for having been with someone else, she is steadly sorry and apologizing and you guys are so right about her going back to her old ways but hoe do I gather the courage to get rid of her because I do have a step daughter an son involved but she put them in this situation i know help please
redbull101 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2011, 7:17 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Darren Steez's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 974
I don't get this "we have children involved" so what? You want to bring those kids up in a toxic relationship where nobody has any trust?
First off she lied to you and denied sleeping with him. I'm sure people will come on here and give you terms like gas-lighting yada yada but this is clear.
They organized meeting, she went there and she had sex with him, she had plenty of opportunity not to but then she did. This guy she was banging is not the guy putting a roof over her daughters head or taking care of the son, he's sex, you are dependable and there are not many guys like you, but why didn't she think of that before opening her legs?
First you have to be happy and at peace with self, your fiance has given you some cock and bull story about losing sight of the relationship, well adults talk to each other about their problems, not arrange to screw some guy at a hotel.
She didn't love you enough not to spread for the guy, no amount of bed hopping on your part can repair that. Run run run!
Darren Steez is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2011, 10:01 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,506
I am sorry to hear this happened to you, that is a painfull story to read. I am afraid I have to agree with the others. She is not the person you thought she was and your relationship is not what you thought it was.

That is a bitter pill to swallow and it is not something that just sinks in over night. That is something that takes time to accept and realize. It's easy to remember the good times and she probably does have some good traits.

The problem is she has some bad traits too such infidelity, manipulation, lying etc etc.

I agree she is using you. You are the "nice guy" that provides her companionship, financial and emotional support, provides her with a home and provides security and safety for her children however her sexual attraction and interests are with this other dude and she is willing to sneak around, lie, construct an elaborate plan to sneak off with him for a couple hours in a hotel 3 states away etc and then come back and act all lovey-dovey and cover it up.

Then when her scheme unravels she resorts to trying to use her sexuality to cloud your better judgement and to try to win you over and make you forgive her and keep her in the house.

(I will address another issue in a separate post that I think is real important that the other posters just kind of skimmed on but I think is real significant)

That is just simply bad character.

Bad character can not negotiated away, it can not be counseled away, it can not be medicated away and there is nothing that you can do that can change her character. It won't matter if you make more money, get better looking, get better in the sack etc. You could be the worlds greatest man but she will still have serious character flaws.

IMHO your best bet is to start protecting your resources, get an attorney and a financial consultant and completely extricate yourself, your family and your finances and resources from this person and be thankfull that you found out about this before you were legally married and had children together.....and for God's sake DONT GET HER PREGNANT!!

With as manipulative and scheming as she is, she could easily go off the pill and tell you that she is still on BC and intentionally get knocked up to try to keep herself in the house.
oldshirt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2011, 10:10 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,506
Quote:
Originally Posted by redbull101 View Post
she is saying I can have other relationships and can cheat as many times as I want too

I want to address this statement in particular. This provides a real good window into her soul and into her character.

She is not only a cheater and schemer, but she is also trying to get you to drink the poison.

People that are of low character are uncomfortable around people with high morals and values so they try to bring them down to their level.

In other words, she knows she is loose and is not a faithfull and monogamous person so she is telling you it is OK for you to be a cheater and a sneak and go around meeting married women in hotel rooms too so that she can bring down your character so you wont be able to judge her.

This is like an alcoholic inviting their sober spouse to starting drinking with them or a heroin addict offer their clean spouse to start shooting up with them. This is so that they will have a companion to lay in the gutter with and who won't have room to judge them. It's like a pig wanting other pigs to come join them in the slop so they can have some company and not not dirty by comparrison.
oldshirt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th November 2011, 10:21 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,506
Quote:
Originally Posted by redbull101 View Post
I tried telling her to leave and did'nt follow threw she is manipulative and uses sex to try making things right but I told her it makes things worse. Answers PLEASE
The answer is that you can not "TELL" her anything. Words are not going to work in this situation. She can not be reasoned with and can not be convinced of anything.

Words are just something to twist and turn and manipulate for her. Words have no meaning and no value to her. Words are just something that spews out of her mouth like $h!t coming out of other people's butts.

Anything you say to her is just wasted breath. The only thing that is going to keep you from a life of torment and pain with her is actions. You are going to have to "DO" and not 'say'.

You are just going to have to go on about your life without her. Take responsibility for your own life and start leading your own life. Shore up all your assets and change everything to your name if you have any shared accounts or assets. Give her a day or two eviction notice and then call the police and have them present and haul her @h!t out to the sidewalk and then change the locks on the doors. Block her on your phone and file for a restraining order if she starts coming around or showing up at your work.

You have been her gravy train and she will be desparate when it finally sinks in that she is getting cut off. She is a selfish and entitled enough person that she may react very negatively to this so protect yourself and your family.
oldshirt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th November 2011, 3:01 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: So. Calif.
Posts: 1,206
She's a real piece of work, she cheats, tries to demonize your relationship to justify her cheating, and wants you to lower yourself to her crappy morals to equal the playing field

Why are still even associating with her, for sure do not ever marry her, and stop wasting any more of your hard earned money on her

I can tell you why she is trying to stay----YOU TAKE CARE OF HER, you finance her life---where would she be, if you cut her loose---she would have to go out and work, (pity her), she would be on her own---that is why she is trying to keep you----she certainly doesn't love you, one who loves another, doesn't go sneaking around, giving themselves to another

On top of that, she thinks nothing of wrecking another family---that being her scumbag lover's wife and kids, your so called fiance, has the morals of a lowlife!!!

You need to tell the other wife---what has been going on, so she can decide if she wants to stay with her cheater of a H.
jnj express is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th November 2011, 6:28 PM   #13
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: cali
Posts: 6
im so sorry hear you are going through that i think from personal experience you need leave her dumb cheating ass she aint worth your time get a lawyer get your kid and leave her she is trying trap you in this relationship that's why she is having sex with you she is trying get pregnant to get you to stay with her. she dont deserve you and you deserve better then that for a girl to do that is stupid she dont care bout you or them kids if she had the nerve to do that..you need bounce and fast...
lilrocker098 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th November 2011, 3:35 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: So. Calif.
Posts: 1,206
He doesn't need an atty.---He ain't married---he is free as a bird, to just walk away---and you should have done it YESTERDAY
jnj express is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th November 2011, 2:02 PM   #15
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: cali
Posts: 6
he does need one he has a child with her and he needs keep that baby away from situations like that i have a question though for redbull101 why havent you just said im going work and not come back, has she ever been on her own? because it seems to me like she dosent want be alone and having another baby would lock you in..she is the devil be careful
lilrocker098 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Hit rock bottom JB93 Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 6 24th August 2011 10:15 AM
Hit rock bottom again Odyssey Business and Professional Relationships 4 12th April 2010 7:16 PM
Think i just hit rock bottom! Darren09 Breaks and Breaking Up 1 3rd August 2009 10:57 AM
Well, I've hit rock bottom again - what do i do? wayfaerer1 Breaks and Breaking Up 8 23rd September 2008 8:34 AM
I think I've hit rock bottom.... Lost_in_TN Separation and Divorce 22 4th September 2007 2:31 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:23 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.