sharpe1 Posted November 23, 2003 Share Posted November 23, 2003 MY SISTER HAS A BOYFRIEND THAT SHE LIVED WITH FOR THREE ALMOST FOUR YEARS.SHE SUSPECTED HIM OF CHEATING FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS RIGHT . HE CAME HOME ONE MORNING AFTER BEING OUT ALL NIGHT AND INFORMED HER THAT HE WAS LEAVING HER.SAID HE WAS'NT HAPPY. HE IS ALMOST TEN YEARS HER JUNIOR.SHE IS DIVORCED W/LOW SELF ESTEEM. ONE WEEK AFTER HE LEFT HE WAS TRYING TO GET HIS EX BACK.NOW THAT HE CAN'T HAVE HER BACK HE IS CONSTANTLY CALLING MY SISTER AND STOPPING BY TO SEE HER. IT HAS TAKEN HER MONTHS TO PICK UP THE PIECES AND TO NOT CRY DAILY. NOW SHE HAS SLEPT WITH HIM AGAIN.I FEAR THAT HE IS GOING TO REPEAT OLD PATTERNS AND HER HEART WILL BE UN-MENDABLE!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted November 24, 2003 Share Posted November 24, 2003 Please don't yell. People can't help you if you shout at them... *Writing in all caps on the Internet is usually interpreted as shouting, just so you know for future reference. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted November 24, 2003 Share Posted November 24, 2003 As hard as this may be to see her go though, it's her personal life, and it's not anything you can do about it (translation.....mind your business). Link to post Share on other sites
Author sharpe1 Posted November 24, 2003 Author Share Posted November 24, 2003 First of all let me just say how sorry I am for shouting.I am new to this and was not aware that you could shout via the keyboard.GOD KNOWS I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOUR EARS ,EYES OR WHATEVER!!!!!! About the mind your own buisness comment,maybe you should do the same by not sending a negative reply when people are sincerly asking for help.Maybe, you should take a break from the keyboard and try to find someting else to do that would make you a KINDER PERSON. Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted November 24, 2003 Share Posted November 24, 2003 You didn't seem to get any help, even after I posted the please don't yell comment (it was intended as education, and to let people know that you weren't aware that you were being rude. For the same reason that I don't read posts with atrocious grammar, I didn't read yours originally, even though the subject line grabbed my attention). Anyway, I read despite the fact that your post "hurt my eyes, ears, whatever", and decided that the best thing for you to do is for you to be there for your sister, as her sister. However, I think that the advice from ThisGirl is pretty sound, even if you thought the wording was harsh. I don't think she was being unkind, and I feel that you need to understand that even though your sister is your sister, you are not her, you have no control over her, and this is not about you, it's about her. Unless she explicitly asks you for help (in which case you should refer her to an unbiased party, such as a therapist or a support group), you really do need to mind your own business and be there for her, to support her through no matter what decisions she makes in her life. Unless this guy is a physical threat to her or any children involved, the only thing an intervention can do is make her blame the intervening party for whatever went wrong. Maybe this guy is genuine about wanting her back. Maybe your sister isn't ready to let go. Whatever the situation is, you can't do anything about it but be there selflessly when she wants you to be there. Mind your own business was not a negative reply if you interpret it in this way. If you ask for advice on an anonymous internet forum, you're going to get some that you don't like. Usually, it's because it's true. Sometimes it's because the poster is an a**h***, but usually, if the poster is as blunt as ThisGirl, they're really trying to help. It's not necessary to respond with a message that scolds people who give you advice, a habit of which I am trying to break myself. After seeing your second comment, I hope I can hold myself to that more rigidly. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sharpe1 Posted November 25, 2003 Author Share Posted November 25, 2003 My original reason for posting on this site and asking for insite was because my sister posts here about her problem.She has not done this recently, so I thought if I did we could talk about the insite from others that she would possibly get and hopefully it might help.My asking advice was not totally for me , but rather what should I say to her when she does ask "what should I do".I have no intention or desire to try to make her decision for her.I am an adult and understand that I can't sway her vote.I also know that the few times that she did get input after posting here seemed to help her.Anyway,thanks for the reply and clearing some things up.Your honesty appreciated! To the people that might read this that think people just post here for a laugh and therefore the type of advice you give and the degree of harsness dose'nt matter.Your Wrong!!!!!!!BY THE WAY , THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP ABOUT THE CAPS .IT'S ALREADY COMING IN HANDY!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Desert Wind Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Sharpe, I know you are very concern for your sister, and that is very nice. From personal experience, I was exactly like your sister, I was so much in love I willingly accepted him back everytime he left even though I knew he was so wrong for me. You might be close to her, so you can see the overall picture she can’t but if she is not ready to call it quit for herself, there is nothing much you can do except being there for her and support her emotionally and spiritually when she needs it. My brother's advise finally caught my attention at the time when I was hurting and he was gentle with his approach, yet as much as I wanted and agree to what he said, I had to do it for myself. It was hard but eventually I left him for good. My relationship was 10 years long and nobody saw the destruction to my self esteem because I hid them so well. Recovery was long for me because I developed many issues, anger and deep sense of rejection and anxiety attacks. Thanks to my brother’s intervention, (even though we argued so much over it) I am here today, wiser but sad too because he died shortly after. Desert Wind Link to post Share on other sites
Author sharpe1 Posted November 26, 2003 Author Share Posted November 26, 2003 Finally , good insite.Thankyou ,Desert Wind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Glad to hear your brothers advice eventually helped you.Sounds like he was a great brother.Sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 Thanks DesertWind for writing EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS BEEN TELLING SHARPE1 but finally putting it in a way that got through her thick skull. Obviously some people can't take advice with a grain of salt. Finally, someone got through to her. Hallelujah. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sharpe1 Posted November 26, 2003 Author Share Posted November 26, 2003 Once again I find myself wondering why I bother to check for new posts, when most of the time there like the last one,childlike.I was tellng my sister that instead of advice it seemed to me that people just come here to argue.Well, not me and for that reason I will not be responding or posting here anymore.Maybe I'm just not cut out for JUNIOR HIGH CHAT ROOMS.Hopefully there are still a few here that will think before typing.One more thing before I go-MINT-J-please don't ever work on a suicide hotline,and maybe you should wait to become an adult before passing on advice to adults.Books smarts don't make you smart! Link to post Share on other sites
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