Is wife cheating?

[xdor]

Is wife cheating?

 

From years ago to now, there have been many episodes in which my wife says "I don't love you anymore",

"I don't want you", "I don't feel any sexual attraction to you anymore", even "let's end our relation",

or "evil the day I met you".

 

My response, until a few months ago, was to keep pushing, until (often) we ended up having sex.

Sometimes she would also say "you better try masturbating", or "look for a lover".

 

A few months ago she tried to break up again, we had a bad fight, I ended up saying "OK, let's separate,

but the children stay with me". Then she stopped talking. That she didn't like it. So we are still

together, but that day, crying, I removed my wedding ring (she removed hers years ago), and proposed

to myself to change.

 

A few weeks later, my sister in law, during a dinner, told me "you can now feel relaxed, my sister is

not pregnant, she just did the pregnancy test". I replied "What? Why is she using pregnancy tests?

We have not had relations recently and we always use condoms". She didn't reply, she just opened her

mouth (literally) in surprise.

 

About a month ago my wife and I drove to another town to buy something, accompanied by a woman friend

of hers, who recently fought and separated from her husband. On the road, they saw a couple of motels

and started making jokes "that's the one you know", "now there is yours"... It sounded like those

kind of sinical jokes that are really saying the true. The next day my wife was very nervious, with

head ache, like if she was very worried about what was said.

 

There is more and more, but I summarized my situation. Now I have changed, and she really doesn't mean

a lot to me. I try not to do whatever she wants (like I used to do) She is now just "the mother of my

children" to me. I'm not even jealous now. If I found that she is with another man, I would even be

happy to have that probe.

 

What should I do? Should I try to confront her? Should I tell her "OK, let's divorce, like you wanted

a few months ago". (now I would ask to keep the children 50% of the time). If it wasn't for the

children, I wouldn't be with her anymore.

 

Xdor.

[Reckless]

It just breaks my heart to read posts like this! What kind of life is that to live? Full of so much resentment, bitterness and pain? What kind of heritage is that for your children?

 

It doesn't look like there's much to salvage here. Whether your wife is having an affair or not, your marriage is effectively dead and you might as well confront her, ask her one last time if she wants out. If she does and you do, then do what you do with dead things, bury it. Maybe, a frank discussion about how to separate causing as little pain as possible for your children, will also uncover what the original cause of resentment was, because this sentence....

 

My response, until a few months ago, was to keep pushing, until (often) we ended up having sex.

 

is somewhat disturbing. It doesn't look as if you guys have ever attempted to deal with the problems in your marriage and it's probably too late now. Pushing for sex rarely solves anything.

 

I've noticed here that when people post your kind of question, nine times out of ten they already know the answer - no one can tell you whether to give up on a marriage or not (which is the real issue, not the affair(s) - best thing is to ask your wife and this time really LISTEN to the answer.

[Amberlyn]

Yeah, it sounds like she wants it to be over so bad that she's sabotaging it. Whether she told her sister to make the comment about the pregnancy test, or if it was true and her sister just slipped, it doesn't really matter. When the rings come off and things like "I don't want you" start being said regularly, it's time to call it off.

 

While staying together to be with your kids is really admirable, every day your kids spend watching their parents maintain a marriage this way (or neglect it, I guess is more accurate), the more likely they are to have similar relationships when they grow up. Get out, fight like hell to share custody of your kids, and show them how to live life the right way. And when you find someone new, show them what a healthy relationship is so that they can go into their relationships knowing how it's supposed to work. Hopefully they're young enough that the damage can be undone.

 

Really sucks that you're in this situation, I'm sorry to hear it. Good luck to you.

[UCFKevin]

From years ago to now, there have been many episodes in which my wife says "I don't love you anymore",

"I don't want you", "I don't feel any sexual attraction to you anymore", even "let's end our relation",

or "evil the day I met you".

 

That is ALL I needed to read.

 

Good GOD, man, why stick with someone who would say something like that? That's horrible. Even if she ISNT cheating on you, she's making you feel like crap, leave her.

[Callisto]

Your kids will probably benefit a lot more once you two are seperated than if you two stay together, and you will have a chance to get your life together...hopefully with someone who can love you.

[brashgal]

You are being abused. Time to get out. Life is too short. Even if she wasn't cheating there is no excuse to treat you that way, especially if any of these comments are made in front of the kids.

[xdor]

Thanks to all you folks. Your comments will definitely help me take decisions.

 

Now, there is something more, for which I'm scared. I will try to be short:

On July 15, 1999 I arrived home unexpectedly. I found my wife very strange, excited, nervous, anxious, like if she was hiding something. I even saw an SUV leaving nearby, but I never knew anything for sure. Those had been difficult times when she started asking me to break up etc. Anyway, next day I wrote the date in a piece of paper, at work, thinking that maybe I would see some strange call for that date on her cellular statement...

 

I tried unsuccesfully to find more, but never did. I started to convince myself that everything was my imagination. Soon we moved 30 miles away, to be closer to my work. And life went on, as mentioned earlier, with me looking for sex as a solution to differences. In those times, since my 1 year old son was still breastfeeding (at night), we didn't use any protection.

 

In October, we found out she was pregnant. It was a surprise. She didn't have a single period since our other son was born. A few weeks later I took the due-date given by the doctors (from the ultrasound),and used it to calculate the "possible conception date", from a place in the http://WWW. Such date was July 15. I turned to see the note still hanging in a wall in my cubicle and almost passed out. I tried to remember if we had had sex around that date. For sure it wasn't that day, but maybe a few days later... didn't remember, 3 months had elapsed. I put my best to try to find out something, looking at all numbers called from her cell., even recorded some telephone conversatinos. Never found anything. Was it just a very bad coincidence? I tried to convince myself.

 

Our son was born in April 2000, and is lovely. But I now and then think "could he be not mine? ". He doesn't seem like he's very different, he is the same race, same eyes color (dark), etc., but my other son is much more like me. Everybody says about him that he looks just like me, both physically and in personality, whereas for the youngest they never say that... Sometimes I feel it's all my imagination. But sometimes I think is a truth that I'm just not accepting.

 

Well, that's the story, this has never been said to anybody except for my best friend(A.P.I.). The chances he's not my son might be low, 20% perhaps, but I don't know. Why am I scared? What if, when getting the divorce, my wife says "he's not your son, he stays with me". That could mean separating him from me, or separating the children. That would be devastating. And I love him. Regardless of anything he is my son.

 

 

I have said too much... It's complex, isn't it?