Want to reach out

[FreeheartLover]

Let me start off by stating that I am not jealous of my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. I broke up with him for good reason. We were no good for each other and the relationship had run its course. I broke up with him, and am now in a healthy, great, new realtionship with a man that is much more on my level.

 

To the topic...I have this compulsion to want to reach out to my ex-boyfriends' current girlfriends. Bad idea, right? I know. I haven't actually ever done it, but I've been one click away from sending these girls candid emails about the guys.

 

The most recent ex, we're FB friends, and I checked out his new girl's page. She posts her rants and stuff on there, and I saw one about "psychotic exes" and I know she's talking about his ex-gf/baby momma, who is actually really crazy and it drove me nuts when I was with him, too. His old skank hoes would post inappropriate stuff on his FB when I was with him, too, and I even sent a nasty email to one chick over it.

So I felt sympathy for his new girlfriend, and I almost sent her an email that was like "Hey I don't want to start drama by being his FB friend, no big deal, haven't seen or spoke to him in 6 months...Hope his crazy ex isn't driving you nuts like it did me." Just...is that a bad idea? Yeah, it probably is.

 

Ah, I just want to share something with her about him that maybe would make her feel better! Like, you're not alone, he did this before. Watch out.

But it's not my place, I know it's not. It would be totally inappropriate.

She would probably be offended that I even had the balls to contact her, like we're friends or something.

I wouldn't want my boyfriend's ex to email me and be like "Hey, yeah this part of being with him sucks, doesn't it?"

 

Another ex (of a 2 year relationship) was seeing a girl, when he was in a long-distance relationship with another girl. Ugh, I was just digusted because he cheated on me, too, and I wanted to tell her so bad!!

But I didn't.

 

It's not like I want to ruin my exes lives...I just feel like these girls are where I was, and no one helped me out or gave me a heads up, and I could be that little help for them. But again, I know it's not my place at all.

 

Does anyone else get this urge? To tell your exes new mates that they're bad?

[lemonlegs]

Yeah, I know what you're saying. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with his stupid ex-girlfriend who I despised through the whole relationship (clearly for good reason, even though he was obviously the ******* in all of this). Then after they got back together when I told him to never talk to me again, he cheated on HER with his PREVIOUS ex. Such a disgusting scum bag. Anyway, he's dating this girl now who's quite a bit younger and she looks like a nice girl. I have no idea who she is or how he met her, but yeah, I had an impulse quite a few times to FB message her saying "Just so you know, the guy you're dating is a compulsive liar and has been known to cheat on just about any girl he is in a relationship with."

 

Like you, I am in a way better, new relationship too, but I just feel like I'd be helping this girl out, because I can guarantee that he didn't tell her that he cheated on his last two girlfriends. I bet he tells them that we're both bitches who did this and that or didn't do this, etc...

 

He's such a loser and she probably has no idea, because I sure as hell didn't...

[FreeheartLover]

Yeah, I know what you're saying. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with his stupid ex-girlfriend who I despised through the whole relationship (clearly for good reason, even though he was obviously the ******* in all of this). Then after they got back together when I told him to never talk to me again, he cheated on HER with his PREVIOUS ex. Such a disgusting scum bag. Anyway, he's dating this girl now who's quite a bit younger and she looks like a nice girl. I have no idea who she is or how he met her, but yeah, I had an impulse quite a few times to FB message her saying "Just so you know, the guy you're dating is a compulsive liar and has been known to cheat on just about any girl he is in a relationship with."

 

Like you, I am in a way better, new relationship too, but I just feel like I'd be helping this girl out, because I can guarantee that he didn't tell her that he cheated on his last two girlfriends. I bet he tells them that we're both bitches who did this and that or didn't do this, etc...

 

He's such a loser and she probably has no idea, because I sure as hell didn't...

 

127 views and 1 reply??

 

Well glad I'm not entirely alone in my thoughts. I feel and I hope that my exes that did me wrong will get theirs in the end, karma, whatever. But then I see them going on with their girlfriends doing the same crap they did to me, and I feel like it's just not fair to those girls that they continue to do this, to treat them that way and get away with it.

[Kinder-Horror]

I get where you are coming from - but I do want to present an alternative perspective. If someone had "helped you out or given you a heads up" in past relationships, would you really have listened? I have been "warned" by exes in my past, and all it ended up doing was making them look like they aren't over the relationship...or crazy. Since that is not the circumstance, I would recommend staying far away from the "send message" button. Girls usually bond over both being exes of the same man. It isn't too often the current and past gf will be friendly

 

Relationships are a learning experience. You learn about your partner, but you also learn a lot about yourself; what you like/hate, what you will tolerate and more importantly, what you wont. If he hasn't changed, don't deprive them of their own opportunity to learn. But also - he isn't with you any more. It's a new dynamic with a new person, which makes it none of your business.

 

If my exes contacted my current boyfriend and told him the bad parts of being in a relationship with me, I would never get another boyfriend because I would never have the opportunity to learn and move on from my mistakes!

 

Plus, you did say that you wouldn't want to be contacted my your bf's exes.

 

I think you realize it is the wrong move to contact the gf. And it's okay to have the compulsion, as long as you realize it is just that - and restrain. We will be your support group! haha

[FreeheartLover]

I get where you are coming from - but I do want to present an alternative perspective. If someone had "helped you out or given you a heads up" in past relationships, would you really have listened? I have been "warned" by exes in my past, and all it ended up doing was making them look like they aren't over the relationship...or crazy. Since that is not the circumstance, I would recommend staying far away from the "send message" button. Girls usually bond over both being exes of the same man. It isn't too often the current and past gf will be friendly

 

Relationships are a learning experience. You learn about your partner, but you also learn a lot about yourself; what you like/hate, what you will tolerate and more importantly, what you wont. If he hasn't changed, don't deprive them of their own opportunity to learn. But also - he isn't with you any more. It's a new dynamic with a new person, which makes it none of your business.

 

If my exes contacted my current boyfriend and told him the bad parts of being in a relationship with me, I would never get another boyfriend because I would never have the opportunity to learn and move on from my mistakes!

 

Plus, you did say that you wouldn't want to be contacted my your bf's exes.

 

I think you realize it is the wrong move to contact the gf. And it's okay to have the compulsion, as long as you realize it is just that - and restrain. We will be your support group! haha

 

Haha, thanks! I'll just post here whenever I get the urge! Yes, I realize my urge to talk to their current gf's is irrational and inappropriate, so I'll never do it.

I did have a girlfriend warn me about a guy I was dating - her ex! I didn't know he was her ex until she told me! She warned me, he's a liar, and a womanizer, don't date him. And I continued to date him, and she was right, and she stayed my friend afterwards.

So I see your point - even if I were friends with the girls and tried to warn them or talk to them, they probably wouldn't listen. Good point.

[Questionis]

Well you could open up your profile and write on his wall, she will probably have a quick look to see who is writing on his wall anyway and she can see all the stuff you have said about him.

Nice indirect, uninvolved way...

[FreeheartLover]

Well you could open up your profile and write on his wall, she will probably have a quick look to see who is writing on his wall anyway and she can see all the stuff you have said about him.

Nice indirect, uninvolved way...

 

Yeah, I commented on one of his status updates, something funny, and he replied with something slightly inapproriate unfortunately. His gf responded with a sarcastic "Nice" so I deleted my comment, and then she deleted hers.

But I'd blocked him for a long time before that so our "friendship" won't show much on fb - and I've deleted all but one picture - and we broke up 7 months ago, so any status updates I did about him are way down the line.

I'm sure she already checked me out. What gf doesn't fb stalk every girl her bf is "friends" with?

[Questionis]

Yeah, I commented on one of his status updates, something funny, and he replied with something slightly inapproriate unfortunately. His gf responded with a sarcastic "Nice" so I deleted my comment, and then she deleted hers.

But I'd blocked him for a long time before that so our "friendship" won't show much on fb - and I've deleted all but one picture - and we broke up 7 months ago, so any status updates I did about him are way down the line.

I'm sure she already checked me out. What gf doesn't fb stalk every girl her bf is "friends" with?

She will go back though all your posts ,one day while she is waiting for his phone call, probably right back till you joined facebook and she will probably find that one pic.

One thing you can do is to turn off his updates on your main page so you are not tempted to look and also those friends albums and stuff. Much easier to forget about him if facebook is not rubbing your face in it.

[FreeheartLover]

She will go back though all your posts ,one day while she is waiting for his phone call, probably right back till you joined facebook and she will probably find that one pic.

One thing you can do is to turn off his updates on your main page so you are not tempted to look and also those friends albums and stuff. Much easier to forget about him if facebook is not rubbing your face in it.

 

Oh yeah now that FB has that "friendship overview" thing that lets you view every interaction between two people, she might check it out. I just did - and there's all our old lovey messages.

It's not that I want for forget him - I'm "over" the breakup and and harbor no ill feelings. If anything, I'm curious, probalby just like his new gf would be.

I'm friends with a lot of exes on fb and I don't mind being friendly with them. Thank God my current beau doesn't have a FB - I can't really stand the jealousy thing with boyfriends and all the other girls he knows right there on his wall, in your face.

[Questionis]

.

It's not that I want for forget him - I'm "over" the breakup and and harbor no ill feelings. If anything, I'm curious, probalby just like his new gf would be.

 

How do you keep friendly with multiple exs? Does it not make you feel weird?

I would be jealous of the love notes and would expect that he showed me the same level of attention , but it wouldn't be a crazy all consuming jealousy. Just a mild feeling.

But seeing how he has hurt her, that, is another thing...