Livelovelearn Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 So here i am, its been a month since i confronted my cheating exboyfriend about his other girlfriend he had. Their relationship started in january and i found out in april. While i have been with him for 3 years with a break last year cuz of problems, well he came back to me and things were great even though we never talked about the first break and then suprise! problems started again but this time he found someone to escape to. I am hurt but doing better, and i guess i woke up today thinking about all the good times we had and there were many and all the things i have done for him when he was struggling. He has even told me that he thanked god to have someone like me in his life. Now he hasnt even said a word to me, nothing at all. So i sit here wondering, do they ever regret especially when they know inside that the person they cheated on was good to them, even though there were problems. just like every relationship. I guess im sad because i feel he doesnt even think about me, and yet i think about him and the good times we shared which he thew away. He is no longer with that girl because me and her spoke as she contacted me and he doesnt speak to her as well . She is a nice person but i cut contact with her because she told me to much information, it was too much for my heart. Anyway i am going on, but i just wanted to know, do they ever regret or mature in a way to realize they hurt someone who genuinely loved them? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 do they ever regret or mature in a way to realize they hurt someone who genuinely loved them? Some do, but it usually takes a long time for them to realize what flawed characters they have and that they treat people like crap - and by that time, you probably wouldn't care because you've long since moved on and have found happiness elsewhere. Some never realize it because they are just that selfish and never stop to examine their behavior and integrity. They just continue treating people like crap because they view their own wants as more important than anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Livelovelearn Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 Some do, but it usually takes a long time for them to realize what flawed characters they have and that they treat people like crap - and by that time, you probably wouldn't care because you've long since moved on and have found happiness elsewhere. Some never realize it because they are just that selfish and never stop to examine their behavior and integrity. They just continue treating people like crap because they view their own wants as more important than anything else. Thats so sad to hear, especially when a person got into the relationship with them being innocent and naive. I guess that was me, i didnt expect him to do this ever, he was so great for 2 years, i dont know what happened the rest of the time. And now he is so quiet not a peep from him, its been a month of no contact yet i hurt. Sad that some people are that selfish and never grow up. I could never do that to someone i love and not feel regretful after, i couldnt do it period. Thanks for the reply. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 my STBXW was cheating on me with OM. She told OM she was divorced. She was sleeping with both of us at the same time. I guess i'm not as dumb as him because I fgured it & called up his family. what lies she must of told.... because she is living with him now. yet, she has come onto me recently. So in her case I don't believe she actually thinks she is doing anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 retired former; no regrets. I voluntarily disclosed, accepted responsibility and took positive and transparent steps to regain the emotional health lost and learned important life lessons to avoid such mistakes and unhealthy choices in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Livelovelearn Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 phineas sorry to hear that, i hope you have moved on and found other things to keep you busy so that you dont have to bother with her. carhill, im glad that you have realized this in your life and have changed for yourself, do you ever miss a former lover that you cheated on?..sometimes i wonder if cheaters ever want the other person back but never go through with it because they are scared to face them? the guilt within i guess...what if that person was the best partner you had and the ones in the future dont compare? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Never had a former lover, but did have an EA with a former MW when married. Details in journals. Healthy end result was divergence from both their paths. I feel so much better now. I know fMW had PA's with multiples and have no proof of stbx's activities so won't comment. Whole pack of incompatible. My main 'regret', more of a general one, is not having a better people picker for the last thirty years. Healthier choices would have likely meant more joy and less pain for all involved. I'd probably say that regardless of any affairs or infidelities. I've seen enough pain and suffering in completely affair-free relationships to entertain that perspective. Regardless, affairs and infidelities and inappropriate emotional attachments (mine was more of the latter) are still unhealthy and wrong, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Livelovelearn Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 Never had a former lover, but did have an EA with a former MW when married. Details in journals. Healthy end result was divergence from both their paths. I feel so much better now. I know fMW had PA's with multiples and have no proof of stbx's activities so won't comment. Whole pack of incompatible. My main 'regret', more of a general one, is not having a better people picker for the last thirty years. Healthier choices would have likely meant more joy and less pain for all involved. I'd probably say that regardless of any affairs or infidelities. I've seen enough pain and suffering in completely affair-free relationships to entertain that perspective. Regardless, affairs and infidelities and inappropriate emotional attachments (mine was more of the latter) are still unhealthy and wrong, IMO. I am glad to hear you are doing and feeling better. Though you have said you picked the wrong people, there is still time and i hope you find the right one. And I agree that any of those which you mentioned are wrong and unhealthy, but i am happy for you and i wish you the best Link to post Share on other sites
monkeywithagun Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 I too have cheated when I was extremely young and careless... and the thought of the guys that loved me and I hurt them in such a way .. often come to my mind and eat at my brain. I have apologized to a few.. some I really wish I could some how get in contact with but they vanished from my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Livelovelearn Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 I too have cheated when I was extremely young and careless... and the thought of the guys that loved me and I hurt them in such a way .. often come to my mind and eat at my brain. I have apologized to a few.. some I really wish I could some how get in contact with but they vanished from my life. how young were you, in your early 20s? cuz i am 20 and i feel thats the age when it happens the most 20-25. I cant imagine how you feel but i know that the pain i feel is undescribable but you sound likea good person who has learned and dealing with pain as well, atleast be proud that you accepted your mistakes Link to post Share on other sites
Reality Drip Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Some cheaters do really regret doing what they do. For some of us it just comes as instinct and/or habit. We just get into routines where even though we're in a relationship with someone fantastic we don't have the will to say "no" when it comes to temptation of the flesh. Take it from a cheater: as odd as it sounds I ALWAYS remember the good times with the quality people from my past. Once in a great while I shed a tear. It's hard not to; I'm not perfect but I'm also not a robot. Cheaters have feelings and emotions, thoughts and regrets just like the rest. We may be just a little too selfish to care enough to put the feelings of others before our own needs and desires. -Max Link to post Share on other sites
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