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cheated because insecure about my past


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hi i have a question. i've been talking to this girl i've met online for the past 6 months. we originally met on youtube (we liked each other videos) and she friended me on facebook and we started talking on the phone since then. she's 18 and i'm 21 so we're fairly young. we never did online dating nor intended to, but it was something that happened and we clicked instantly. i was planning on visiting her in six weeks.

 

the biggest concern right now is that she cheated on me last week. even though we're technically not dating, we did both agree that we are exclusive to one another. she says that the situation she was in was basically set up by guys (she has trouble sticking up for herself) but she was the one who at the end made the move to give some random dude a bj.

 

i know it sounds like i'm wasting my time for trying to pursue an 18 year old who is clearly young, horny, and doesn't know what she's getting into. i was done with her until i realized the reason why she cheated.

 

i've never been in a serious relationship which lead to me being foolish and telling her way too much in my past. last year when i was studying abroad, i paid for prostitutes. i know this would upset her yet i wanted to be honest with her- regardless that i would tell her my darkest secrets.

 

i thought she would get over it. she brought it up on the phone from time to time yet i never thought it was a big deal and thought it was normal. yet basically, i figured out that her reason for cheating was that she was so convinced that i would cheat, b/c of me paying for sex, that she cheated on me because she used this as a self defense mechanism so she won't get hurt.

 

my problem is that i know with this attitude she will cheat again. and that if we do meet and get closer to one another, cheating will be even more likely, if it's rooted from insecurity. yet i also know that this is something that can be correctable. however, i never knew people would cheat because they were so insecure about someone's past. i know it's gross and disgusting what i did, but it doesn't mean she should cheat! i know it wasn't intentional for her to cause problems, but i figured this idea of me cheating was so ingrained in her mind that cheating became pretty easy for her.

 

should i continue this? i don't know how to help her change her perception of me, this is something that she'll have to change, but i would like to know any suggestions to help her find her core problem so she can view me correctly and securely so this **** won't happen again.

 

thanks!

Edited by youknowit21
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Bleed Internal

dude, give up the fake online "girlfriend" who's out blowing random guys. the only time these situations deserve consideration are when time, marriage, and kids are in the picture. you haven't even met this smut. leave it alone, bro.

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hmmm - I think that you're asking a lot out of an 18-year old to be faithful to an online boyfriend that she hasn't met.

 

now, obviously I'm not saying that you should be tolerating random bj's, I mean, if you had established exclusivity then you have every right to kick her to the curb - however, I can't imagine that this situation would really have worked.

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hypothetically..

 

if i was her, regardless of how much i was upset, that wouldnt make me feel like blowing off some random bloke.

 

actually, i'm slightly dubious that she actually did this, for some reason i have a hunch she told you she did this in order to upset you.

 

either way, your so-called relationship has got off to the worst of starts.

 

in the future, i would recommend not being so honest about your past sex life, as being that honest gives the impression you are totally happy for everyone to know. not saing its wrong, but its not the kind of thing people generally want to hear, certainly not that early on.

 

there's being honest, and then there's being honest to the point of insanity.

learn from it.

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