sue108 Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 I'll try to keep this short but sweet. My boyfriend is always checking out other women right in front of me and it really bothers me. I told him that I was upset and wished he wouldn't do that when we are out together and he responded that 'he's a guy and its in his dna so he can't help it'. Do I have a right to be upset about this or am I over reacting? I'm interested in hearing both women and men's point of view on this subject. Thanks in advance for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 You're definitely NOT overreacting. His DNA excuse is pure bullsht! No guy who's very interested (not even saying in love) in the lady he's with, will look at other women, ESPECIALLY when you told him it upsets you. If I were you, i'd give him one more warning - i.e. that if he cannot control his DNA, your paths must separate. If he doesn't change, dump his butt, or you'll be sorry later. That's my view, -yes PS I really feel for you because i HATE it when i'm out with a guy and he starts paying attention to other women. My response is, if it goes on for more than 15 mins, to simply leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 Hi there, No, you are definitely not overreacting at all. What you feel is what you feel, and one's feelings aren't wrong. And besides that, his behavior is the epitome of insensitive and disrespectful, and based on his "reason for doing so", he likely won't change any time soon. I was married years ago to a guy like this......hell, on our honeymoon he was flirting with airline staff in the airport, and chicks around our resort in Mexico. At home, he was like this also, and it made me feel very inadequate and insecure. He seemed to thrive on it. When I'd tell him that I was bothered by it, he'd give me some similar line of BS that your guy is giving you, in fact, his favorite was "There's nothing wrong with checking out the menu, as long as I eat at home." (I kid you not). Sure, okay, men are more visual by nature......but there are plenty of respectful men out there who may 'sneak a glance' but do not actually make it obvious/have drool running down their shirt. The fact that you've made your feelings known and your b/f has dismissed them totally, making it clear that that's "just the way he is", it shows that he doesn't respect your feelings at all. He's very selfish and tacky. I've dated plenty of men in my time so far (LOL), and I've dated the pigs who get whiplash from checking out a hot chick when we're out....and I've also dated plenty who have a lot more respect for me and don't play that game. You deserve a lot better than this. If your guy can't understand your feelings and gives you lame excuses why he's a pig, then I'd say you're much better off without him, cuz girlfriend, he's almost certainly not ever going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 29, 2003 Share Posted April 29, 2003 You are not out of line to be upset that your guy checks out women when he's with you. Most men will give a glance now and then at an attractive woman but they don't make a habit of it...and they try not to be obvious. That your guy is so open about it shows he lacks respect, class and consideration for you. He's definitely a candidate for your Ex File. Link to post Share on other sites
mu0u209b Posted May 10, 2003 Share Posted May 10, 2003 well all guys have eyes....apart from the ones who dont.....and inevitabley they're going to use em. God knows I do! but it shouldn't be in your face, and obbsessive, I may have issues at the moment but to rub your girlfriends face in the fact that you notice other girls is pretty low. Just let him know once and for all that you don't appreciate him making a big deal of it and that it hurts you, if he isn't willing to protect you from being hurt then he really is either a) a first class a**h*** or b) taking you for a ride But who am I to tell you how to live your life?! just read my problems man! Link to post Share on other sites
Lila Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 He is allowed to glance at other women, but he is not allowed to stare at other women. If it is obvious that he is checking out other women, then, yes, you should be upset. He is not showing you the respect you deserve. If your company and beauty isn't enough for him, then let him go. He isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
LondonChick Posted May 18, 2003 Share Posted May 18, 2003 HE IS DISRESPECTFUL!!!!!!! Dont put up with his rubbish. Why would you what to stay with someone who makes you feel that way? I once dated a serial starer, he ended up cheating on me, I wasnt surprised. Get rid of him before your self esteem gets really low. He is not the only man on the planet. Believe me there are many men out there who will treat you with respect. Link to post Share on other sites
bunbun Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 I definitely understand your insecurity, however, from a woman with my own issues, I always wonder what is healthy and acceptable. There are so many other things in the world to worry about...I cannot say I have ever dated a man who does not acknowledge another beautiful woman, and I do wish I had enough self confidence to notice and compliment before he does. If he doesnt cheat, lie, do drugs, or anything else that might compromise your relationship, you both should be able to recognize another female or male who is attractive, and as we all know, looks aren't everthing, character is most important. Link to post Share on other sites
flower Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 my view: I cannot tolerate this type of man if he always does it- NO WAY! Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 I once dated a serial starer I once dated someone like that, too! He would bump into walls, trip over his own feet, and stop mid-sentence when ANY woman walked by and than forget what he was talking about! He said it was a "habit" because he had been single for so long. Of course, I promptly dumped his ayas and told him, "with a 'habit' like that, he could expect to be single for another 40 years!" We all notice someone who is attractive, but its downright disrespectful to gawk in front of your partner. And any self-respecting person with any class at all would not tolerate such behavior. Sue, if I were you, I'd kick this loser to the curb! Link to post Share on other sites
blue_eyed_girl Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 Just one more voice to add to the crowd clamoring for you to drop this guy. Would you check out other guys like he checks out other girls? NO. Why not? Because you wouldn't disrespect him that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Polar bear Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 Next time he looks at another woman, why don't you check her out too? It always works for me. Say something outrageous like "Wow check out those honkers" to him really loud. I think he will not only be embarrassed but you will take the taboo out of it. GUys and everyone like to do things there not supposed to. If you okay it, and even help him out, you will probably ruin his fun. Try it, you have nothing to lose, right> Link to post Share on other sites
Dee Posted June 7, 2003 Share Posted June 7, 2003 Hey ...... here ya go: My husband does the same thing ..... but mostly young girls, and he's 55 years old! I've told him over and over how much it disrespects me, but he just says "I'm looking at PEOPLE", not always who you THINK I'm looking at! OH YEAH! SURE!! Anyway ..... they don't change .... they just get worse! And, get this! Twice in the last week, he's gone outside to get something out of his van, in his UNDERWEAR .. and he don't wear boxers! He also knew the lady across the street was home! UGH! The advice given by most is right ..... do NOT allow it now, it doesn't stop! Hugs, Dee Link to post Share on other sites
marie d Posted June 14, 2003 Share Posted June 14, 2003 you are definently not over reacting the best thing for you to do is do the same to him and see how he likes it. you will find he doesn't like it and then he'd know how you feel Link to post Share on other sites
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