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I was cheated on, now I'm the cheater =(


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fabulous_chk

7 months ago: I discovered that my ex of 4 years was cheating on me for months. We break up.

 

5 months ago: Ex got cheated on by the girl he cheated on me with.

 

2 months ago: I met a wonderful man and entered into a relationship with him. I wasn't ready, but he was too wonderful to let go.

 

Last night: Ex and I hung out and had sex twice.

 

 

This is the last thing I thought I would ever do, since I still feel the pain of being cheated on. But I had this intense curiosity about my ex, kept wondering if his kisses and the sex would be the same as before.

 

 

No, sex was better with the new guy, the kisses had no passion or emotion with my ex, and I was just going through the motions with him.

 

 

I am not going to confess this to my bf - no sense hurting him when I know now for sure who I really am in love with. I know what I did is wrong and I know this will devastate him. No way am I gonna disrupt his life to relieve myself of my guilt.

 

 

I still feel numb by what I had done.

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This is how I felt with my ex when I cheated on him. But I came clean when I told my best friend (who was a mutual friend of ours) about how I had messed up while taking a half drunken bath over at the OM's house. She kind of forced me to do so.

 

Anyway, now that I look back I'm glad I came clean and told my ex BF the truth. Yeah it messed up the trust in our relationship and made things alot harder. But in the end it actually made me a better person for my current BF. It made me realize that relationships take hard work, it made me less selfish, more tuned in to my ex BF's needs, it did alot to help me in the end. But the decision of coming clean is up to you.

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Chrome Barracuda
7 months ago: I discovered that my ex of 4 years was cheating on me for months. We break up.

 

5 months ago: Ex got cheated on by the girl he cheated on me with.

 

2 months ago: I met a wonderful man and entered into a relationship with him. I wasn't ready, but he was too wonderful to let go.

 

Last night: Ex and I hung out and had sex twice.

 

 

This is the last thing I thought I would ever do, since I still feel the pain of being cheated on. But I had this intense curiosity about my ex, kept wondering if his kisses and the sex would be the same as before.

 

 

No, sex was better with the new guy, the kisses had no passion or emotion with my ex, and I was just going through the motions with him.

 

 

I am not going to confess this to my bf - no sense hurting him when I know now for sure who I really am in love with. I know what I did is wrong and I know this will devastate him. No way am I gonna disrupt his life to relieve myself of my guilt.

 

 

I still feel numb by what I had done.

 

So the same man who dumped you for his new chick, and then you get back together after the new chick drops him and your new man is probably wondering where your at???

 

You women are unbelievable and you still have feelings for the ex! and if he drops you again, you get everything you deserve. I mean where's your self respect? Why cheat on a man who treated you good and why enter a relationship when all you did was wreck it?

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You women are unbelievable and you still have feelings for the ex! and if he drops you again, you get everything you deserve. I mean where's your self respect? Why cheat on a man who treated you good and why enter a relationship when all you did was wreck it?

 

+1

 

I am not going to confess this to my bf - no sense hurting him when I know now for sure who I really am in love with. I know what I did is wrong and I know this will devastate him. No way am I gonna disrupt his life to relieve myself of my guilt.

 

Complete bull**** and you know it. You should tell him and let him decide if he wants to stay with you.

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Well, for one thing, your username is all wrong. You aren't by any means fabulous. Like many other posters, you are trying to rationalize your guilt away. You KNOW that you should tell the truth, You KNOW that you should be honest, but you won't because you are afraid of your BF's rejection, or to show your true colors to your BF. He deserves way better than you. You could have taken the high road, but you chose to take the low. Your BF WILL find out, either from you, from your ex or from his ex and when he does , what will happen then? All cheaters think that they will get away with their slimy acts, but few ever do. The truth has a way of coming out. To say that you won't tell him to save his feelings is about as low as you can get.

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fabulous_chk

I am being completely irrational, selfish and unfabulous. I know it.

 

However, I know the pain and devastation cheating brings. My ex still haunts me 7 months later. I will not subject my bf to that kind of pain. For what? For me to feel good? I will carry my guilt forever inside me rather than see the hurt on his face.

 

Nothing about my action makes sense. I know this too.

 

And I stand by my decision to withhold the truth.

 

Yes, I have low self-worth right now if that explains anything.

 

 

However, I will be reading and digesting your responses. Thank you for responding.

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What more is there to say? You have made your decision, and that's that. I hope that when your BF finds out about your cheating, and he will sooner or later, because neither you nor your ex have any morals. That he treats you and lies to you like you have him. He is the victim here. You deserve to be alone.

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fabulous_chk

Yes I know. I have told my bf that I want to stay single, as I have lots and lots of issues, but he was determined to stay in my life.

 

 

It's like a cyle- everyone cheats and gets cheated on. I thought I could break the cycle but I behaved immorally, just like my ex. And I did it with him.

 

I made a bad decision. That doesn't make me a bad person. I have 50+ years in this life to atone.

 

 

I am posting not for advice, but for insight.

 

 

This behavior is out of character for me. But I guess my depression and low self-worth is skewing my view of life.

 

 

All I could do is try to love my bf and do everything for him 200%.

 

P.S. The two are unlikely to ever meet. My ex also promised to never tell anyone. Believe it or not, my ex and I are best friends and have always looked out for each other. We were never meant to be together. I guess we missed each other and had what you might call pity sex. It had nothing to do with emotions, romantic love, etc. It was purely physical. Like I said, I was going through the motions, like a robot.

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It's like a cyle- everyone cheats and gets cheated on.

 

Completely untrue. That is just a horrible attempt at justifying a bad behavior.

 

I made a bad decision. That doesn't make me a bad person. I have 50+ years in this life to atone.
It doesn't take 50 years. It would take less than one day to give the guy who's trust you betrayed the truth.

 

This behavior is out of character for me. But I guess my depression and low self-worth is skewing my view of life.
More excuses.

 

All I could do is try to love my bf and do everything for him 200%.
If you really love him more than you love yourself, you would not withhold information you know he would want to know.

 

My ex also promised to never tell anyone. Believe it or not, my ex and I are best friends and have always looked out for each other.
And here you are working to cover things up.

 

I guess we missed each other and had what you might call pity sex. It had nothing to do with emotions, romantic love, etc. It was purely physical. Like I said, I was going through the motions, like a robot.
More excuses. None of these excuses makes it any better. You can try to justify it any way you want, but if you really care about this guy, none of it changes the fact he deserves the truth.
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fabulous_chk

No, I'm not making excuses. Cheating is the most horrible thing you can do in a relationship. I'd rather be hit and abused than be cheated on.

 

I am fully aware that I'm at fault. No matter what my circumstances were, it was a conscious decision. A horrible decision.

 

 

I'm just presenting info. My mind is a mess right now. I just needed to write things down.

 

Yes I am covering tracks and making sure this will never be found out. My bf doesn't deserve the hurt. Truth is I love him 1000 times more than I ever did before this happened.

 

No. I cannot let him go through what I did. It was hell. I'd rather die than let him experience it.

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No, I'm not making excuses. Cheating is the most horrible thing you can do in a relationship. I'd rather be hit and abused than be cheated on.

 

I am fully aware that I'm at fault. No matter what my circumstances were, it was a conscious decision. A horrible decision.

 

 

I'm just presenting info. My mind is a mess right now. I just needed to write things down.

 

Yes I am covering tracks and making sure this will never be found out. My bf doesn't deserve the hurt. Truth is I love him 1000 times more than I ever did before this happened.

 

No. I cannot let him go through what I did. It was hell. I'd rather die than let him experience it.

 

I won't judge you the way others have judged you on this thread.

 

However, there's ALWAYS a choice. It's not like you cheated on the same partner who cheated on you. You don't need to cheat on someone that was loyal to you. You have a choice. Don't push the blame and learn to be loyal yourself.

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I won't judge you the way others have judged you on this thread.

 

However, there's ALWAYS a choice. It's not like you cheated on the same partner who cheated on you. You don't need to cheat on someone that was loyal to you. You have a choice. Don't push the blame and learn to be loyal yourself.

 

That is more or less what I was trying to say. Just with less of a sugary coat, interspersed with the opinion the guy deserves to know what happened.

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. well OP i sincerely pity your BF. You will lie , cheat and mislead for the rest of your relationship, which I hope for your BF's sake will be short. BTW just because you didn't enjoy having sex with your ex, doesn't make it any less vile. I would have more sympathy for you, if you showed the slightest respect or love for your BF. The only person you care about is you.

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I must say that what jumped out at me on the original post...even after reading how it wasn't that good and had no real passion or emotion...is that they had sex TWICE!!!

 

Guess she just wanted to make sure the first time that night with him wasn't as good as she hoped it would be...by riding him again.

 

Another sad tale from the real world...and another person who has been betrayed...all for the sake of getting f**ked.

 

People never cease to amaze me...and rarely in a good way.

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Let me get this straight. You meet this fabulous new boyfriend and you are willing to put his health at risk by having sex with your ex who is and was a cheater. You do not have the decency to let your new boyfriend have the information so he can decide to be checked for STD's or decide whether or not he wishes to stay with someone who would cheat on you. The bottom line is that it is all about you. Either you have trust and honesty in a relationship or lies and deceit. You are being extremely cruel and selfish by not being honest with him. He deserves the truth and you know it. Your rationalization of not wanting to hurt him is totally self-serving. You don't treat people who care for you by cheating on them and not telling them the truth. He deserves someone who has respect for him to at least tell him the truth. Your failure to be truthful to him shows in reality how much disrespect you have for him and how totally selfish you are as a person. He deserves better than this.

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Untouchable_Fire
I am being completely irrational, selfish and unfabulous. I know it.

However, I know the pain and devastation cheating brings. My ex still haunts me 7 months later. I will not subject my bf to that kind of pain. For what? For me to feel good? I will carry my guilt forever inside me rather than see the hurt on his face.

 

Don't pretend like your going to lie to your BF to protect his feelings. If that was really your motivation, this would have never happened.

 

Believe me, I've been in your shoes... honesty is the ONLY policy.

 

The truth is that if you really cared for your BF, you would be honest with him. Yeah it might hurt a bit... but he would get to see who you are as a person, all the warts and bumps included.

 

So, in the end this whole exercise is all about controlling his perception of you. Your basically the Lion, The Tin Man, and the Scarecrow all rolled into one. Until your willing to fix that... you really should not be in any relationship.

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OP, you know, women have had no problem getting rid of me when they needed time to themselves. You are with your BF because you want that validation, irrespective of other issues going on in your life and psyche.

 

Try six months of alone time with no validation and work on who you are. Just six months. My stbx and I have been living separately for that long and it'll be at least that long before our D is final. I'll not be dating until at least that point, spending the alone time to work on myself. I heartily suggest it. :)

 

I'll never get why people go back and f*ck ex'es. Yuk..... that prospect makes my d!ck shrivel....

 

You've only been with your 'BF' for two months; I'll assume he was a stranger prior. If there's a bond there, it'll be there six months from now. Six months atonement. Sounds good :)

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Dexter Morgan

5 months ago: Ex got cheated on by the girl he cheated on me with.

 

good, got what he deserved.

 

 

2 months ago: I met a wonderful man and entered into a relationship with him. I wasn't ready, but he was too wonderful to let go.

 

Last night: Ex and I hung out and had sex twice.

 

always nice to see a wonderful man get crapped on

 

too wonderful to let go eh? so you think you'll keep him and have sex with the X...the very same ahole that cheated on you in the first place.

 

aye yi yi

 

 

This is the last thing I thought I would ever do, since I still feel the pain of being cheated on. But I had this intense curiosity about my ex, kept wondering if his kisses and the sex would be the same as before.

 

 

so basically you screwed this other guy over out of curiosity? I think you should let this "wonderful" man go so he isn't fooling himself and so he can find someone that won't do this to him. He deserves better.

 

 

No, sex was better with the new guy, the kisses had no passion or emotion with my ex, and I was just going through the motions with him.

 

 

I am not going to confess this to my bf - no sense hurting him when I know now for sure who I really am in love with. I know what I did is wrong and I know this will devastate him. No way am I gonna disrupt his life to relieve myself of my guilt.

 

 

but here is the problem...YOU think you are in love with him, tested the waters with the X and now all of a sudden you realize the new guy is the one for you?

 

Only one problem, if new guy knew you screwed him over, you more than likely wouldn't be seen as the one for him.

 

and if you cheated out of curiosity, and with an X that cheated on you..a real ahole.....then you'll cheat with anyone.

 

You will do this again if "curiosity" gets the best of you.

 

If you truly cared about the new guy, you'd let him go.

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No, I'm not making excuses. Cheating is the most horrible thing you can do in a relationship. I'd rather be hit and abused than be cheated on.

 

I am fully aware that I'm at fault. No matter what my circumstances were, it was a conscious decision. A horrible decision.

 

 

I'm just presenting info. My mind is a mess right now. I just needed to write things down.

 

Yes I am covering tracks and making sure this will never be found out. My bf doesn't deserve the hurt. Truth is I love him 1000 times more than I ever did before this happened.

 

No. I cannot let him go through what I did. It was hell. I'd rather die than let him experience it.

 

First of all, I think you need to quit being so damn dishonest with yourself. The only person you have managed to fool is yourself. If you would rather die than put him through the pain of cheating? News-fuh-lash, you would not have cheated at all. You said in your very first post you aren't going to tell him now that you know the one you really are in love with. Which means, you would of dropped him like hot cakes had the ex sex been more emotional, but since you thought the grass was greener only to find out nope, it's brown NOW you suddenly are all about the new guy.

 

It doesn't matter that you are deciding not to tell him, your relationship with him is going to self destruct now. You have poisoned it, and mark my words it will self destruct.

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Dexter Morgan
Well, for one thing, your username is all wrong.

 

I agree. If I was a cheater, I'd think I'd pick a more appropriate name...maybe remorseful_guy, or bad_bf.

 

the username shows why she ended up a cheater in the first place.....conceit perhaps?

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Dexter Morgan
No, I'm not making excuses. Cheating is the most horrible thing you can do in a relationship. I'd rather be hit and abused than be cheated on.

 

then you just did the most horrible thing to a wonderful man who obviously thinks the world of you. too bad.....he doesn't know the true you, otherwise he might decide to quit foolishly being determined to stay in your life.

 

 

Yes I am covering tracks and making sure this will never be found out.

 

basically lying to him, covering tracks...keeping him in the dark so that he doesn't have the information he would need to make decisions about his life. utterly selfish.

 

I hope he finds out.

 

 

My bf doesn't deserve the hurt.

 

 

what your bf doesn't deserve is to be cheated on. He deserves to be free to find a woman that won't cheat on him.

 

but you are too selfish to allow that to happen. you are going to keep him in the dark for your own selfish desires.

 

And women wonder why they can't find a good man.

 

 

 

No. I cannot let him go through what I did. It was hell. I'd rather die than let him experience it.

 

thats a bulls##t excuse. the reason you won't tell him is to keep him ignorant of what you did so that you don't have to face the music.

 

You don't want him to leave, this is why you aren't going to tell him. you are a coward.

 

if you aren't going to tell him, that is up to you, but at least be honest about WHY you aren't going to tell him. But then again, you are a cheater, honesty from you is asking too much.

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fabulous_chk

Thank you for your responses.

 

A little more backstory.

 

My ex and I were together for 4 years - an intense me and you against the world relationship. We went through the most difficult times together. We practically lived together. I was never home, I was always with him. We were discussing marriage and kids. His betrayal made me almost suicidal. I was depressed (still am, I think) for a long time. The user-name I picked was to give myself a little boost during the time I felt like the ugliest person on earth.

 

I definitely wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I had a goal of staying single for 2 years. However I met my current and I am not worthy to be with him at this time. I am not worthy to be with anyone. I'm a mess.

 

 

Even before my ex came back in the picture, I've been trying to sabotage my

relationship with my bf. Somehow he always managed to convince me to stay.

That's how I am right now- I have the most wonderful man, but I am not ready for him. I have thoughts of breaking up with him everyday. Even now as

I type this, I want to break-up with him ( unrelated to my cheating).

 

I spoke with my ex last night. My ex at this point wants to get back together with me. I don't wanna blame him but I feel somehow that he orhestrated this whole thing.

 

He called me up the other night very sad. I haven't seen him in two weeks, which is unusual (we own a dog together). He says he misses me. Him and I, wherever we are in the world, would contact each other every 5 days.

 

I decided to see him and our dog, and we started talking about his Dad who died recently. He started crying, I started crying, and we were in each other's

arms comforting each other. The tears stopped and suddenly he was kissing me. I resisted a few times but gave in.

 

We fell asleep in each other's arms and the morning after when we woke up he reached for me and we did it again. Protection was used both times we had sex.

 

I am still attached to this man, no matter what I do. He and I have this miserable connection. I still love him, but I am no longer in love with him. I can think of him having sex with other women and it doesn't bring me pain.

 

My poor bf. =(

 

I appreciate all your responses. If it was another person and not me, I will give the same advice (and more LOL!).

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Chrome Barracuda

And therein lies the problem why are you going over there to see him in the first place!!!

 

He doesnt deserve to even speak with you!

 

Why dont you tell your current boyfriend the truth, for as long as your connected to the ex in anyway, you will continue to be weak! You will continue to sleep with him!

 

After all the stuff this guy did to you, why are you even talking to him!!!!

 

WTF is WRONG with YOU! You need to resolve these feelings, it's not fair to anyone!

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OP I call b**lsh*t!! You say that you're not ready, to be with somebody? Prove it. This is your opportunity . Tell your BF the truth and break up. Nobody here believes a word you are saying, why should we? You are a total selfish liar. What more is there to say?

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