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Saying cheating is biological is not an excuse


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I think some of the people here that don't want to admit cheating is biological still don't understand the facts behind why scientists now know it's biological.

 

Saying that cheating is biological doesn't mean it's an excuse to cheat or that it's a good thing. It's simply presenting the facts about why something happens in the first place.

 

Take aggression for example, it's biologically driven. Animals have aggression to compete with each other and to defend themselves against threats. That doesn't mean in modern human beings it's ok for me to punch someone I don't like. Society, my parents and teachers taught me long ago that I can't just hit people when I get angry.

 

In the same way cheating is not a socially created behavior but a biologically driven one. Just like aggression is not socially created, nor is hunger socially created. It can be augmented, you can exert willpower over it, but it exists in the first place because it is biological.

 

Take dieting for example. You can consciously want to lose weight and want to eat less, but your body will send out hunger signals and drive you to eat even when you don't want to. You then have a fight between higher reasoning and a biological drive.

 

It's the same with cheating. In fact the reason why relationships are so hard and confusing is because contrary to what most people realize what drives us in relationships is very primal. Relationships have to do with our drives to find partners and reproduce (even if we don't want babies). These drives are often primal and make people make bad choices.

 

We're animals, just smart ones, and we have morality. That's why most of our undesirable behaviors are actually biological. That's why we often have conflicts and need willpower to do the right thing. We need to consciously exert control over our primal animal instincts.

 

Cheating however is still biological however you cut it. To not admit that is to not understand the facts and the scientific explanation. Science is not about creating excuses or finding politically correct answers. It is however about finding the truth.

 

I hope I've presented the explanation in the most simple easy to understand form here.

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once again, a great post :-) Many are going to disagree, but I'm looking forward to a good/clean PRIMAL debate here ;-)

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Most people think all our thoughts and desires are only a result of conscious thought.

 

Which is entirely not true because our psychology is a combination of nature + nuture.

 

People generally understand the explanation better once I bring the dieting analogy into it, because most people have felt that conflicting drive of not wanting to eat and wanting to eat at the same time.

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Cheating however is still biological however you cut it.

 

Cheating is not biological. The drive to have multiple partners might be biological, but that's not the same as cheating, which is sneaking around, lying, and manipulating in order to have sex with someone else behind your partners' back.

 

You feel a biological urge to have multiple partners? Fine. Stay single. Or break up with your partner and then have all the sex you want with as many people as you want. Nothing in our biology says you have to enter into an exclusive, monogamous relationship, and then cheat.

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Cheating is not biological. The drive to have multiple partners might be biological, but that's not the same as cheating, which is sneaking around, lying, and manipulating in order to have sex with someone else behind your partners' back.

 

You feel a biological urge to have multiple partners? Fine. Stay single. Or break up with your partner and then have all the sex you want with as many people as you want. Nothing in our biology says you have to enter into an exclusive, monogamous relationship, and then cheat.

 

Ok, good arguement but still wrong.

 

The reason is this. You need to know the difference between an initial desire and a functional behavior.

 

For example. Say I found out someone screwed me over. Say slept with my my wife, or cheated me out of all my money, or something really bad. I then felt rage, which is extreme uncontrolled anger, and anger/aggression is a biological drive.

 

I then consciously go to the gunstore, buy a gun, drive to the guy's house and kill him.

 

All the behaviors after are consciously controlled. The initiating behavior or desire is still primal or biological.

 

Again it's not a justification, and in this case of course I would go to jail. But the anger exists in the first place because we're biologically geared to feel anger. In the same way, the lust to cause the act of cheating is biological. The lying, and manipulating is not.

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It may biological in you but it isn't in me :)

 

You and I are not the same...

 

I'm 46.. never even thought about cheating or even having multiple partners.. no desire to and you would think that after 46 years that if it were biological I would have dealt with that by now..

 

Sorry... your science may very well be correct for you.. but it isn't for me..

 

Cheating is all about a conscience decision that one makes in their life.. no different than choosing to pay a bill or not pay a bill.

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It may biological in you but it isn't in me :)

 

You and I are not the same...

 

I'm 46.. never even thought about cheating or even having multiple partners.. no desire to and you would think that after 46 years that if it were biological I would have dealt with that by now..

 

Sorry... your science may very well be correct for you.. but it isn't for me..

 

Cheating is all about a conscience decision that one makes in their life.. no different than choosing to pay a bill or not pay a bill.

 

I never said it was in everyone. Behaviors happen in a range, it doesn't happen in everyone. There are genes that make some people more likely to become alcoholics, doesn't mean that everyone is an alcoholic.

 

People also have different sex drives.

 

Would you say that becoming an alcoholic is a conscience decision that one makes in their life? Or is the arguement slightly more complicated once you analyze it more?

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Even if it is biologicall, I don't think that's an excuse or whatsoever.

Allthough we humans are animals too, it lies in our possibility to decide not to cheat on a partner. I just can immagine someone being driven by his/her "needs" so hard that they must do it with someone else... the feeling not being in controll of this appears just sick to me.

It may happen, because those people are not fully avare of the consequences or are pheraps just that selfish and don't give a **** about thier partners feelings?

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Even if it is biologicall, I don't think that's an excuse or whatsoever.

Allthough we humans are animals too, it lies in our possibility to decide not to cheat on a partner. I just can immagine someone being driven by his/her "needs" so hard that they must do it with someone else... the feeling not being in controll of this appears just sick to me.

It may happen, because those people are not fully avare of the consequences or are pheraps just that selfish and don't give a **** about thier partners feelings?

 

The title of the thread is........

 

But yeah, I think some people are lucky in that they're naturally more in control than others. That's not just true for cheating, but related to anything about the best choices in life.

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Trialbyfire

Another one who doesn't have this "huge" internal battle with temptation. If I find someone else attractive, while in a committed relationship, that's as far as it goes. I'm not interested in tupping someone who I've just met. If it's someone I've known for a long time, I would never allow the crush to develop. If it started to, I would quash it before it became anything full bloom. There are always decision forks to attraction. People consciously or subconsciously take yes/no paths.

 

One thing I've noticed through reading LS, is that cheating is less about tupping, than the ego stroke. Ego is moulded by nurture, not nature.

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Another one who doesn't have this "huge" internal battle with temptation. If I find someone else attractive, while in a committed relationship, that's as far as it goes. I'm not interested in tupping someone who I've just met. If it's someone I've known for a long time, I would never allow the crush to develop. If it started to, I would quash it before it became anything full bloom. There are always decision forks to attraction. People consciously or subconsciously take yes/no paths.

 

One thing I've noticed through reading LS, is that cheating is less about tupping, than the ego stroke. Ego is moulded by nurture, not nature.

 

Really? Everyone I know that's cheated and I know a few people, have done it because of lust.

 

lol, but I hope you know that pride and ego are also biologically driven. Pride and ego are similar to greed and drive people to strive to get more for selfish gain or status. Nuture can determine what status means, so for example status could mean getting lots of girls, or driving a nice car, or having 10 million dollars.

 

But the need for ego is biological.

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Really? Everyone I know that's cheated and I know a few people, have done it because of lust.

 

lol, but I hope you know that pride and ego are also biologically driven. Pride and ego are similar to greed and drive people to strive to get more for selfish gain or status. Nuture can determine what status means, so for example status could mean getting lots of girls, or driving a nice car, or having 10 million dollars.

 

But the need for ego is biological.

 

I know a lot of peeps who cheated and all the women who cheated did it for emotional reasons, one did it because she was raped as a child and never got help for it, one did it because she wanted to get back at her hubby etc.

 

Men cheat out of ego most of the time. Rarely they do it because they are not getting fullfilled emotionally.

They see boobs and they become easy targets!

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Trialbyfire
Really? Everyone I know that's cheated and I know a few people, have done it because of lust.
Take another serious look at the lust and break it down. There's a thrill involved in cheating, since its forbidden fruit. Also, there's an ego stroke/power in being able to juggle multiple people, without their consent or knowledge. There's also the "I still got it" factor involved. That's not pure lust and don't tell me it is. ;)

 

lol, but I hope you know that pride and ego are also biologically driven. Pride and ego are similar to greed and drive people to strive to get more for selfish gain or status. Nuture can determine what status means, so for example status could mean getting lots of girls, or driving a nice car, or having 10 million dollars.

 

But the need for ego is biological.

Ego is biological. How it's moulded is primarily through nurture. If you're raised a particular way, you're going to need more or less external validation. To look at extremes of this, there are people who are like emotional vampires, sucking external validation as a daily need. There are others who do their own thing, and primarily self-validate by accomplishments, whether it's through self-awareness or not.
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Yes men and women usually cheat for different reasons as well.

 

More women than men cheat for emotional reasons rather than pure lust.

 

I disagree with the idea though that many people cheat just for the thrill or the forbidden fruit idea, although middle aged men often cheat because they are bored and want to know they still have it.

 

The thing is there are a range of biological factors pushing undesirable behaviors, and social pressures usually try to suppress undesirable behaviors.

 

I don't think there are any cultures out there that say, "cheating is good! So go out and cheat!"

 

Social pressure is usually against cheating as we can see from this very board. People are judged for cheating.

 

Ego, greed, lust, these are all drives developed by nature to enhance reproductive and survival chances.........in a selfish way, and we've inherited them.

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In the same way, the lust to cause the act of cheating is biological. The lying, and manipulating is not.

 

That's exactly my point. The desire for sex may be biological, but cheating itself is not. Cheating involves lying and manipulation and deception by definition. Cheating is a choice one makes to act on a desire to have sex with someone else while already in a relationship.

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If cheating is biological and a person cheats then if a person never cheats is that also biological ?

 

I mean..having the ability to never cheat or never having the desire to cheat could also be biological then .. right ?

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Trialbyfire

No offense Hkizzle but I don't think you're looking deep enough about cheating or negative emotions/drives in general.

 

We're a social animal, thus have created a social construct of rules, so we don't run around killing each other and taking what we want. It's called evolutionary adaptation.

 

We're also a very twisted animal, in that we're the only animal that can delude ourselves.

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That's exactly my point. The desire for sex may be biological, but cheating itself is not. Cheating involves lying and manipulation and deception by definition. Cheating is a choice one makes to act on a desire to have sex with someone else while already in a relationship.

 

You can cheat and don't have to lie about it......

 

Many people reveal to their partners later that they've cheated, because the guilt drives them to.

 

Word it differently then. The act of being monogamous is not actually biological. It's a Judeo Christian belief system. You do know that Islam allows 4 wives right?

 

Many cultures have tried to allow multiple partners because they know just one is not sustainable. Cheating is a natural result of a human biologically driven to want more than just one person, but society (ours) saying that they should only have have one person.

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No offense Hkizzle but I don't think you're looking deep enough about cheating or negative emotions/drives in general.

 

We're a social animal, thus have created a social construct of rules, so we don't run around killing each other and taking what we want. It's called evolutionary adaptation.

 

We're also a very twisted animal, in that we're the only animal that can delude ourselves.

 

There is adaptation. There is no such thing as evolutionary adaptation, that's a term creationists created.

 

Yes I have already said we create morality to control our biology. That part we are in agreement. But without those rules or laws we do go around killing each other and taking what we want.

 

You watch the news about the LA Riots or what happened in Katrina? That's why we need cops, or it's going to be like mad max within 48 hours.

 

Scary!

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Trialbyfire
There is adaptation. There is no such thing as evolutionary adaptation, that's a term creationists created.

 

Yes I have already said we create morality to control our biology. That part we are in agreement. But without those rules or laws we do go around killing each other and taking what we want.

 

You watch the news about the LA Riots or what happened in Katrina? That's why we need cops, or it's going to be like mad max within 48 hours.

 

Scary!

Let's look at it another way. Animals that have breeding grounds. How do they know how to find their way back to it, year in and year out, no matter how far away they are?
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Let's look at it another way. Animals that have breeding grounds. How do they know how to find their way back to it, year in and year out, no matter how far away they are?

 

In built memory or tracking systems that allow them to remember.

 

If you're talking about salmon for example........

 

The animals' brains focus on an "address" on the Earth based on the Earth's magnetic field. That magnetic field is different -- yet, unique, in the actual sense of that oft-misused word -- at every point on the globe.

 

Again, it's all biological.

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Trialbyfire
In built memory or tracking systems that allow them to remember.

 

If you're talking about salmon for example........

 

The animals' brains focus on an "address" on the Earth based on the Earth's magnetic field. That magnetic field is different -- yet, unique, in the actual sense of that oft-misused word -- at every point on the globe.

 

Again, it's all biological.

Did someone or something put this "address" into their brain or how did this "address" get into their brain?
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Did someone or something put this "address" into their brain or how did this "address" get into their brain?

 

 

The Salmon are born with the ability to map out magnetically, that's the biological part. Depending where they are born their ability to map out because they evolved that way then allows them to map it out.

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Those who refuse to take the responsibility for their own bad behavior love to blame it on biology. :mad:

 

For the love of God. Read the title of the thread..........

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