My friend's sad situation

[aya]

Today I am writing for my friend -- she can't write good English so I decided to write for her instead.

 

She has been dating with one guy. My friend's from Asia and her boyfriend is also from foreign country but pretty much American as he spent 10 years in this country.

 

So my friend's wondering whether this comes from culture gap.

 

Anyway, this guy has a female friend (B) whom he talks about all the time. He used to like B, but B told him "no relationship". But they stayed close friends. What I heard from other people about B is that she has two boyfriends, and has to be in a relationship all the time -- when she does not have a boyfriend, she posts ad on newspaper and finds somebody immediately, and she cheats on them all the time. One time, trying to break-up one of her boyfriend, she had sex in the bathroom so that he can hear them having sex. Personally I think this is horrible.

 

This boyfriend of my friend wears the watch B gave him, talks highly of B all the time, including all those her unbelievable behavior, and my friend was naturally feeling very uncomfortable.

 

B treats my friend very badly, too -- B does not talk to my friend, and almost ignores her. Once, I saw when my friend was with her boyfriend, she once came to him and kissed him in front of my friend. My friend looked stunned, unable to say anything, and I felt really sorry for her.

 

Now, one of B's boyfriend almost raped my friend. Poor girl, being from Asian culture, she had hard time rejecting him, but in the end she barely escaped from it. Being scared, my friend talked to her boyfriend about it.

 

He blamed her for being weak, rather than trying to protect her. And he told her she should be like B he admires -- strong, knows what she wants, etc. He even went so far as said "you are weak person. That's the reason exactly why I respect B so much."

 

She tries to interpret it as culture gap, but I think that is BS. I think people in this country are far nicer than that. However I decided to ask you folks about how you think about this, and how I should tell her to get out of this situation, if she should. I think if she gets an opinion from objective third-parties, she might change her mind.

 

Thank you very much.

[midori]

this has to do with weakness and stupidity, on the part of your friend's boyfriend.

 

I cannot believe that your friend is so incredibly naive that she thinks that such behavior is normal/acceptable anywhere. The one thing I agree with her boyfriend about is that she needs to get a spine, and her own sense of what is right and wrong, and what is and is not acceptable.

 

Because a boyfriend who responds to the news of his girlfriend's near-rape by telling her that she is too weak is an UTTER ASS. She should have dumped him immediately, if not sooner. To be honest the fact that he would even expose her to people like that awful girl B, and her boyfriends, means that his judgment is severely impaired.

 

Why can't your friend use her own judgment and say to him, "be friends with B if you want to, but I don't want to see her or hear about her. I think she's a crazy, messed up person and I don't want to have anything to do with her."

 

I think her boyfriend is weak and stupid. He's clearly infatuated with B, and has blinded himself to B's obvious and enormous problems. Why does your friend want to have such a stupid boyfriend?

 

There's nothing you or your friend can do about B. There's plenty she can do about her boyfriend. Like break up with him.

 

I must say, by the way, that both you and your friend show rather bizarre loyalty to men who treat you very poorly. The behaviors you've cited (that of your ex, and your friend's bf) are beyond incredible. I can't believe you even need to ask if such things are normal or acceptable. They are NOT!!!

[aya]

Midori, thank you so much. I think I'll tell my friend right away.