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He wants a threesome (NOT THE USUAL)... but why??


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Old 26th May 2009, 5:49 PM   #1
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He wants a threesome (NOT THE USUAL)... but why??

I'm a 25 year old woman and my husband's 26. We've been married for He told me that he wants a threesome with me and another guy involved. I told him outright no, but he insisted we should do it.

I asked him if this was just a ruse so he could have a threesome with another woman, but he insisted that threesomes must always have two men in them and never be man/woman/woman and that they should be man/man/woman, and that he'd "do stuff" with the guy if he had to, for my pleasure. He said he'd done his "research", and said from what he'd heard, some women like guy-on-guy action so he said he'd do it for me if I wanted to! Yeuch!
(He also insisted it's not a gay thing, just that MMF threesomes are the ONLY way to do it!)

I told him this was a bad idea, and pretty disgusting, but he's insistent that we do it.

I don't like threesomes, they just damage relationships in my opinion, but he won't hear any of it.

He's just insistent that this should happen. I asked him where he got his ideas from, and he said from the Internet and webforums.

He's not into porn, so why he would suggest this is beyond me.

I tried talking to him to find out why he is so insistent about it, but he changed the subject.

How can I get him to see sense? If you were in my situation what would you do??

Help me please!! This is causing me untold stress.

Vicky from Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada
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Old 26th May 2009, 5:53 PM   #2
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It sounds like your husband is gay. Is it possible that he's been having homosexual relationships behind your back?
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Old 26th May 2009, 5:58 PM   #3
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It sounds like your husband is gay. Is it possible that he's been having homosexual relationships behind your back?
Chicago Guy, my husband's never cheated on me, and never shown any inclination to cheating, nor any homosexual leanings/fantasies, so this surprises me.

I just don't get why he'd suggest this - how many men would want a man/man/woman threesome?? It just seems weird to me.
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Old 26th May 2009, 6:53 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by vickybritishcolumb6b View Post
Chicago Guy, my husband's never cheated on me, and never shown any inclination to cheating, nor any homosexual leanings/fantasies, so this surprises me.

I just don't get why he'd suggest this - how many men would want a man/man/woman threesome?? It just seems weird to me.
there are guys that would be agreeable to it IF suggested by their wife, and there are also guys that might be into it just to see their wife pleasured in a new way - that I could buy...

but the fact that he's is suggesting not only doing it but volunteering to "do stuff" with the other guy would lend me to believe that this is not "for your pleasure"!!

Have you ever given the slightest inkling that you'd want a threesome to him? If not, although it doesn't mean that he's necessarily full on gay, it certainly would seem as though he is bi-curious and is justifying it as being for you.

Last edited by AAlike; 26th May 2009 at 6:59 PM..
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Old 26th May 2009, 7:03 PM   #5
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plus, if he was suggesting it as something "for you", the fact that you are not comfortable with it should have ended all talk about it.

"hey honey, I really want to do this for you"
"ummm...I wouldn't want that, in fact I wouldn't even be comfortable with it"
"no I really want to do it FOR YOU!"

sounds quite fishy. had he suggested it and then backed off when you said that you weren't into it, I'd buy that maybe he was just misinformed about you...but if he was insistent about it, this is not good. ask him why he REALLY wants to do this.
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Old 26th May 2009, 7:11 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vickybritishcolumb6b View Post
I'm a 25 year old woman and my husband's 26. We've been married for He told me that he wants a threesome with me and another guy involved. I told him outright no, but he insisted we should do it.

I asked him if this was just a ruse so he could have a threesome with another woman, but he insisted that threesomes must always have two men in them and never be man/woman/woman and that they should be man/man/woman, and that he'd "do stuff" with the guy if he had to, for my pleasure. He said he'd done his "research", and said from what he'd heard, some women like guy-on-guy action so he said he'd do it for me if I wanted to! Yeuch!
(He also insisted it's not a gay thing, just that MMF threesomes are the ONLY way to do it!)

I told him this was a bad idea, and pretty disgusting, but he's insistent that we do it.

I don't like threesomes, they just damage relationships in my opinion, but he won't hear any of it.

He's just insistent that this should happen. I asked him where he got his ideas from, and he said from the Internet and webforums.

He's not into porn, so why he would suggest this is beyond me.

I tried talking to him to find out why he is so insistent about it, but he changed the subject.

How can I get him to see sense? If you were in my situation what would you do??

Help me please!! This is causing me untold stress.

Vicky from Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada
What would I do? Check the trunk of his car or any other hiding place he has. I'll bet he's into gay porn that you just haven't found yet and I'll bet he's gay. So many women marry men who later accept their homosexuality and the wife never knew until the divorce. It happens all the time, sweetie.

He isn't curious or even wanting; he is INSISTENT! Why? Because he and maybe even his gay lover have discussed it. I would ask him TONIGHT if he has anyone in mind. I'll bet you $100 (US) that he's got someone in mind. Get his name and number and call the guy. I bet you'll find out there's a story there.

People don't bring something up out of the blue like that AND be insistent about it. There is definitely something behind this.

Keep us posted and good luck,
WF.
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Old 26th May 2009, 10:13 PM   #7
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Vicky,

It is imperative that you stay as strong as you can and stand firm in your ideal. Please don't let him even bring you to consider a threesome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vickybritishcolumb6b View Post
How can I get him to see sense?
I think the only way out of this situation is to ignore the fact that he wants a threesome. If he can so easily dismiss the repercussions that you've brought up, then you can just as easily dismiss his request for a threesome. If he gets annoyed, then just tell him that, you are NOT comfortable with this idea and he needs to respect your wishes. If he fails to do so, then I would suggest counseling.

In the long run, this can put your relationship in jeopardy.

Quote:
If you were in my situation what would you do??
Above all else, I would stand firm with my decision to NOT partake in a threesome, under ANY circumstances. I would also reinforce the fact that it goes against my values as a person and will likely lead to unwanted issues.

So forth and so on...

P.S. - Keep us posted on what happens.

Last edited by Javelin; 26th May 2009 at 10:27 PM..
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Old 27th May 2009, 7:48 AM   #8
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He's probably bi or bi-curious. Lots of guys (and probably girls) go through bi-curious stages. I'm non-practicing bi. Guys are too much trouble, and I'm probably something like 75/25 girl/boy attracted. I do like to watch though . . . . Adam Lambert on American Idol was pretty dishy.

So he hasn't had a guy. He wants one. He's stressed out a bit. He doesn't want to cheat. So he tries to get your buy in through a weird insistence on a threesome. That's what I might see in this.

If he drinks, get him a little loosened up and gently, humorously dig into his motivations. He might not even understand or acknowledge them.

If he's really got this deep urge to do a guy, then stuffing that urge down isn't going to work. Never does. Warps everything. But that doesn't mean he has to choose to act on it. Seriously. I don't fight finding guys attractive, I just let that flow through me. Generally I don't fight finding girls attractive, either. I just let that flow through me, too. And keep loving my wife. If I act on any of those urges, it's on purpose.

But if i repressed the urges, stuffed them down, then i'd get all warped and weird stuff would happen. That might be what's happening to your fellow now - it's difficult to acknowledge that one is attracted to the same sex! And many folks seem to feel that "It's not gay if there's a girl in the same room." Which I find pretty funny!!

Certainly learning to deal with these desires will be required if you're to have a LTR. I suppose counseling is available, but almost all of it seems to involve learning to ignore or repress, things that don't really work in practice. The resisted part of being builds up until something distorts and often breaks.

On the technical side MFM seems to be more fun for guys than FMF. In the latter, the girls seem to get together and ignore the guy. In the former, the two guys can tag team the girl forever.
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Old 27th May 2009, 8:30 AM   #9
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i've been in both(mfm,ffm)and gotta tell you i enjoy mfm more,and there's not 1 bit of gay or bi in me(nothing against gay or bi people)like vold says you can please a woman for along time with two men.took me and a buddy awhile to talk a girl into it one time, and she couldn't believe how great it was. kept saying"god i love this".
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Old 27th May 2009, 8:51 AM   #10
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Do NOT let him talk you into doing something that YOU do not want to do or not comfortable with. This is about HIM and what HE wants. I think him telling you he wanted a threesome is just his way of saying he wants to try out being another man and figures if you know or are into it as well, it might take some of the guilt off of him. Personally, I think if its something he really wants to try, he is going to anyway, if he hasn't already.
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Old 27th May 2009, 9:07 AM   #11
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Here is a suggestion if you are willing to try it. Instead of having a third party involved, tell him you're getting a strap on and you would love to use it on him, see if he goes for that. If that is not good enough for him and he is really wanting the company of a third party (a man) then you may have your answer as to "WHY?"
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Old 27th May 2009, 11:15 AM   #12
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Vicky, how are you SO sure that he's never cheated on you? That's a VERY naive outlook which will end up burning you very badly in the end.

No DOUBT, your husband is bisexual. All the heterosexual guys I know who've ever discussed threesomes have ALWAYS said they wanted no part of a MMF trio because there's just "too much d*ck in the room for me."

NEVER have I heard a hetero man claim that not only does he want to have one badly, but he's "willing to do things because that's the protocol."

What a LOAD of baloney.

Check your husband's computer history and cookie file..no doubt, he's probably cruising all kinds of low-life sites looking for a cheap thrill with another guy whose pretending to be heterosexual.

In the meantime, I wouldn't let your husband NEAR me without a condom if I were you. You seriously need to drop the naive act.
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Old 28th May 2009, 5:32 AM   #13
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Vicky, how are you SO sure that he's never cheated on you? That's a VERY naive outlook which will end up burning you very badly in the end.

No DOUBT, your husband is bisexual. All the heterosexual guys I know who've ever discussed threesomes have ALWAYS said they wanted no part of a MMF trio because there's just "too much d*ck in the room for me."

NEVER have I heard a hetero man claim that not only does he want to have one badly, but he's "willing to do things because that's the protocol."

What a LOAD of baloney.

Check your husband's computer history and cookie file..no doubt, he's probably cruising all kinds of low-life sites looking for a cheap thrill with another guy whose pretending to be heterosexual.

In the meantime, I wouldn't let your husband NEAR me without a condom if I were you. You seriously need to drop the naive act.
He's been loyal to me in the 5 years we've been together - we've known each other since February 2004, and started dating in around April 2004.

I have talked to him about this, trying to find out why he wants it, but he wouldn't discuss it. But I found out where he got the idea from...

However, he says he isn't bisexual, and that he only wanted to do this to make our sex life better than it already is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by White Flower
What would I do? Check the trunk of his car or any other hiding place he has. I'll bet he's into gay porn that you just haven't found yet and I'll bet he's gay. So many women marry men who later accept their homosexuality and the wife never knew until the divorce. It happens all the time, sweetie.

He isn't curious or even wanting; he is INSISTENT! Why? Because he and maybe even his gay lover have discussed it. I would ask him TONIGHT if he has anyone in mind. I'll bet you $100 (US) that he's got someone in mind. Get his name and number and call the guy. I bet you'll find out there's a story there.
Well, there's no gay pornographic materials in our house and in his car, I think the closest thing to pornography was some old FHM and Maxim magazines with Amanda Righetti (you know, Grace Van Pelt off The Mentalist) in it.

I did ask him if he had someone in mind, but he said, there was no particular individual - it was just the idea that was important. I also asked him outright if he was seeing anyone else, and he said no. I asked him had he got a gay lover, and to tell me the truth, honestly - but he insisted, no, he hadn't.

Whilst he was out at work, I checked our email (we have a shared email address), I discovered he'd been emailing a "sexpert" for advice on sex/relationships. Apparently this sexpert is also well-known to Wikipedia too. The sexpert, known as "Derek Despie" (not sure if it is the sexpert's real name or not, could be a pseudonym) aka "MascotGuy" on Wikipedia, had been exchanging emails with my husband, giving him relationship and sex advice. (I'm not sure if that is his real name, but I'm going by what the emails say!)

At least I know WHO is behind this - a sexpert (that's where he got the ideas from!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by MichelleS1983
Check your husband's computer history and cookie file..no doubt, he's probably cruising all kinds of low-life sites looking for a cheap thrill with another guy whose pretending to be heterosexual.
His internet history, though, seemed very safe - mostly looking at tech/gadget-related websites and a bit of Wikipedia. I discovered he'd been in contact with someone who goes by the nickname "MascotGuy" on Wikipedia
- the sex/relationships expert (sexpert) mentioned above
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikiped...buse/MascotGuy has all the info on him. (You may want to let the admins there know about him, I believe at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikiped...9; noticeboard - well, the sexpert linked to that and said in his emails to my husband that's where they keep slagging him off.).

Apparently this MascotGuy "sexpert" has been convincing my husband so much of the benefits of an MMF threesome, my husband had taken the idea on board for a way of improving our sex life!

Michelle, I'm not being naive, I'm only going by what I know

Quote:
Originally Posted by MichelleS1983
All the heterosexual guys I know who've ever discussed threesomes have ALWAYS said they wanted no part of a MMF trio because there's just "too much d*ck in the room for me."

NEVER have I heard a hetero man claim that not only does he want to have one badly, but he's "willing to do things because that's the protocol."

What a LOAD of baloney.
I know, it seems a bit odd. Thanks for explaining that bit.

Now I know where he got his ideas from, but WHY he wants to do them I have no idea, particularly as he is insistent that he's not gay or bisexual.

No matter how often I tell him no, this is a bad idea, he's just insistent.

He even gave me the argument yesterday of "If guys like girl-on-girl stuff surely us blokes should do guy-on-guy stuff for the girls, it's only fair, and anyway MMF threesomes are better, so I've heard!".

This situation just isn't getting any better. How can I resolve this without getting into a furious argument?
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Old 28th May 2009, 8:17 AM   #14
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Now I know where he got his ideas from, but WHY he wants to do them I have no idea, particularly as he is insistent that he's not gay or bisexual.

No matter how often I tell him no, this is a bad idea, he's just insistent.

He even gave me the argument yesterday of "If guys like girl-on-girl stuff surely us blokes should do guy-on-guy stuff for the girls, it's only fair, and anyway MMF threesomes are better, so I've heard!".



*Just because he might be telling you he isn't bisexual or gay doesn't mean he isn't. It could also be he is bi-curious? Maybe he is NOT really bisexual but is wondering what its like to be with a man?

*The fact that no matter how much you tell him no, he is still insistent should say alot. Its not even about YOUR feelings. Its about HIS.

*Yeah he has HEARD its better, because some strange man he has been talking to on the net, is trying to convince him of that! There are lots of ways to try new things without having to bring another person into the situation. Toys come to mind....have you suggested that to him? I think most of what he says to you from this point, will be he is going to try and convince you this is good and right, and probably will make you feel bad at some point if not already, for you not wanting to try it.
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Old 28th May 2009, 8:57 AM   #15
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Is this a troll post? The reason I ask is because Mascot/Guy on Wikipedia is not a sex expert. He's a "vandal," a person that randomly edits posts and adds stuff and creates tons of new user names and generally tries to disrupt what he can. Derek Despie is just more of the same by Masot/Guy. He's a professional spammer!

Check out the links in Vicki's posts.
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