avaantgaarde Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I was looking at my boyfriend’s myspace comments and saw a person with a default picture of her and my boyfriend (and another girl who I know) in it, so I clicked on her profile to see who she was and it was private. So I did something admittedly bad - I logged in as him for a second just so I could view her profile. It was a girl I met once about a year ago, an ex of one of his friend's. I looked at her other pictures and there was another one - this time just the two of them, and he is kissing her on the cheek. They look close in the picture, sitting on the ground, happy, his eyes are closed kissing her lower cheek a couple inches from her mouth, and hers lips semi-pursed in the air. First - my boyfriend and her are not close friends. They would consider each other friends and used to hang out a lot years ago within a group of mutual friends, but they don't talk much and rarely see each other. These pictures are from a week ago at his best friend's 21st birthday party that I couldn't attend, and he was a bit drunk. Also worth noting is that he generally isn't a very friendly guy, not that he's unfriendly - just that he's most definitely not a very social or touchy-feely person and tends to be pretty aloof. I've never even seen him hug a close female or male friend even as a greeting. Even if it was just a silly drunken friendly kiss on the cheek for the camera it just seems odd that she only has 12 or so pictures up, 2 or 3 of which are from that night, and she decides to put up the ones of them together and of him kissing her. I'm not sure what to make of this? Should I be worried? I'm very confident that he did not do anything beyond a kiss, and fairly sure it didn't progress beyond a kiss or two on the cheek, but I still can't help but feel uncomfortable with it because I don't know what it meant or its context. Was he attracted to her? Were they flirting that night? Although I'm sure he'd never cheat (what he thinks of as cheating anyway), I've always feared he might want to, or desire to be with other women (that could be me though - I have very low self-esteem and I'm always thinking he's lusting after someone better, but that's a whole other topic heh). I don't know if this should bother me, it just seems out of character for him. I feel like I can't ask him about it because then he'll know I was checking out his friends and if he knows her profile is private that I went so far as to log in to his account. Should I just try to put it out of mind and dismiss it as nothing? Thanks for reading and for any opinions!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I think kissing a member of the opposite sex on the cheek, even for a picture, is pushing it when you are in a committed relationship. Having said that, I think you've already decided you have a problem with it, as the way your retelling of the story nudges the reader towards the notion he has done something wrong. At least, it didn't come across as neutral to me. So, what more to the story is there? There had to be a reason you decided to look at his MySpace comments in the first place? Is that just something you commonly do, or is there a reason for it that you did not think to share? Link to post Share on other sites
Author avaantgaarde Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 Thanks for the post! Yeah, it wasn't meant to be totally neutral, I mean, I saw what I saw and the rest it how I personally feel about and view the situation, described as accurately as possible through my observations of his personality. I am bothered by it at this point, but I don't know if I should be or not. We have been dating for over a year and half and are for the most part happy. He's not the flirty type, even before we started dating he wasn't towards girls. But, as I've posted on here before, I had an issue of jealousy and insecurity about his physical preference for red hair which I don't have - since the post it hit its worst when I was checking out this music forum he goes to and saw a recent post of his about a show he went to that I wasn't able to attend. He said in the post that one of the bands was really boring and that while they were playing he was "outside hitting on a hot red head" (his last crush, who had red hair, and who he hadn't seen for a long time was there). After all the worrying I did prior to that (seen in my past post), that just put me over the edge - he said that it wasn't true and it was just a "guy thing" to brag like that. I was upset he wasn't bragging about me, didn't take me into consideration when he said it, and so on. We broke up for a couple days and got back together and I eventually got over it. But, ever since then I guess I still kind of worry and get jealous- that might have something to do with how I feel about this situation, I don't know. Anyway, snooping around his myspace isn't something I commonly do, in fact I rarely go on there - I was doing everything I could to procrastinate writing a term paper, and looked down at his comment section to see if his friend responded about something music related when I saw it and then got curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I am bothered by it at this point, but I don't know if I should be or not. I would be. he said that it wasn't true and it was just a "guy thing" to brag like that. Bull****. That's a flimsy, insult of an excuse. Your mouth should not write checks your ass can't cash, and I bet he is old enough to know that by now. I was upset he wasn't bragging about me, didn't take me into consideration when he said it, and so on. We broke up for a couple days and got back together and I eventually got over it. Which is probably why he thinks he can get away with such behavior. People can change, but a picture of him kissing the cheek of another girl makes it seem to me as though he has not. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 a kiss on the cheek? I dunno. on one hand it could be completely harmless. on the other, it would be a way to test the waters, see what happens...a way to sneak some physical contact in all the while saying, "it is a harmless peck from a friend" Link to post Share on other sites
huck Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 This is a 50/50 one. Looking from the outside in - i wouldnt say a peck/kiss on the cheek is anything to worry about.. BUT - if I saw a picture of my gilrfriend kissing or being kissed by another bloke on the cheek it would certainly get me jealous.. I dont think its worth falling out over.. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 just bring it up to your Bf matter of factly, and ask him about it. If he asks you how you found out about the kiss, just say someone you know saw him kissing the other girl, and brought it to your attention. Kissing on the cheek, is a situation by situation thing. It is done as a greeting all the time, but as a greeting. When 2 people are a little drunk and sitting with each other getting close that is another matter all together. Probably wouldn't hurt to lightly bring it up. Just see where it goes, if he gets defensive then you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Trojan John Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Absolutely nothing. We kiss three times here to say hello and goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Absolutely nothing. We kiss three times here to say hello and goodbye. Heh, that really happens? Learn something new. Well, most Americans don't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
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