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removing this knife from my stomach


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I will try to be as detailed and short as possible. I am currently 18 years ago and finishing up my last year in high school. Recently my girlfriend of 2 years and me broke up due to certain issues i needed to deal with. Anyway, some counceling classes later i am able to pretty much regain her love again and am in the process of getting back together with her. I know that being so young should keep me away from such a serious relationship but please avoid that issue when thinking about this. One of the problems i really needed to work out was jealousy....i used to get so jealous if she even talked to another guy. Anyway, today she told me a horrifying fact. Right after we broke up she went out with another guy and had sex with him, completely going against all her morals about sex wih only love. So anyway i promised her that i would not blow up at her for any of this and i know i have no right to since we were broken up....but i am human, and i was just told that the girl i love more than anything gave herself away to the first man who came along, and that is making my stomach so tight right now....i feel like there is a knife in it.

 

So please tell me, do i have a place in getting upset over this or should i let it all go? She says that she regrets it and seems pretty sincere. Something else i'd like to know is how come females tend to give themselves away after a serious breakup? This rebound thing is well known among females, i just want to know why they are driven to this lack of morals?

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You can knock yourself out getting upset about anything you want to...but, tell me, exactly what does that do to make things different, better, or to change things? If you feel a need to be upset, angry, depressed or whatever...go for it. Meanwhile, most people go out of their way to avoid those feelings.

 

Your girlfriend will likely sleep with lots of guys before she finally settles down in five or six years so you better get used to things. I also think it was extremely immature of her to tell you about this. This gives me the hint that it had nothing to do with morals as much as it was a grudge thing. Young women often have sex with other men when they are upset with boyfriends...it's just something that happens.

 

What she did has nothing to do with morals...it just has to do with being a fallible human being. If you're looking for somebody perfect, dump her now and move to another planet. And, she's not obligated at all to subscribed to your morals. She must be true to herself. If you require a lady who is closely aligned with your "morals", go find somebody else if this bothers you so much.

 

Let this go and move on if you want to be with her. If you figure out a way to reverse the past, please post it here. I'd like to change the lottery numbers in tonight's drawing.

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I didnt mean that i wanted her to follow my morals....i meant her own morals. She's on of those girls that believes in sex only with love, etc etc....but i guess it was a gudge thing. I've been up all night throwing up, but i'm slowly learning to deal with it. I figure getting upset isnt going to solve anything, so i might as well put the past behind me and focus on the future. Now i'm just scared that one day i may get angry at her and cheat on her just to get back at her, but i dont want it to turn into one of those relationships....its just so sad to do that to your lover...

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You were not together so whatever she did is none of your business. As for the 'sex with love' thing - most women feel that at the beginning. Until they lose their virginity and then they realize that not only is it making love, but it sure is a lot of fun too!

 

Either you smarten up and realize that you have no right to complain about it, or you break up with her. Are you going to let your jealousy come between the two of you again.

 

By the way, go back to get more counselling to deal with this.

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As I was told, relationships at a young age often way more than at a higher age. When I turned 19, I lost my first girlfriend and it was unbearable. I kept thinking how could this happen!?!! This couldn't be happening to ME!?!

 

You are still in high school. The odds are against you and you need to realize this. I didn't until it was too late. Just don't let this get you down. Be prepared for all situations.

 

She wasn't with you when she had sex with this other guy, so it's none of your business. You are lucky she even told you. Just make sure you are ready for anything that happens.

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You were just joking about the throwing up part right? If not, I feel really bad for you. Like the others said, since you all were broken up when she had sex, you can't really hold it against her. But still, I know how you feel. I would just try and forget her and move on......otherwise she may be thinking about this other guy while you are making love to her.............

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I am sorry that this situation has gotten you all tied up in knots. However, take it from a person who has been in that situation. I seriously dated my ex from the time I was 16, up until I was 24. (I am 26 now) We broke up many times over the course of those 8 years. I always started out saying I could only have sex if I loved the person. That all changes once you are in a relationship and start wondering what sex would be like without love. I know that if my ex and I were going to have a chance, I needed to know what it was like to be with another guy. I didn't have sex with another guy until we were fully broken up for good, but it was something I just needed to experience. Being so young and being so serious really isn't the best thing. You need to go out there and experience as much as you can so that when it's time to settle down, you have a better idea of who you are and what you want in a person. Your girlfriend sleeping with that other guy wasn't out of bitterness towards you. It's called "growing up" and testing unknown waters. It's a healthy part of becoming an adult. It doesn't sound like you are ready to accept that about her and the fact that you said you might end up cheating on her as a result of her actions is absurd. My advice to you would be to let her go. Live your lives and if you were meant to be, you'll be together, but only when the time is right. Good luck.

 

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  • 1 month later...

I am in basically the same situation (although Im 21) and I know what you mean when you say you feel like there is a knife in your stomach. My ex-girlfriend was the same way, with the morals and everything. The month after my she and I got back together was the happiest of my life. Then, after she told me she had been with another guy about 3 months after she dumped me, my life changed. Whenever I think about it (which I try not to do- but there's always something that reminds you of it and makes you think of it) all of the joy is sucked out of my life and I feel full of hatred and despair. Its funny how everyone here is saying something along the lines of "you were broken up so its none of your business what she does". I totally disagree. If it makes you feel like that, its your business. I love her, and I want to get over it, but I cant shake feeling that way sometimes. So I feel your pain. But cheating on her isnt the answer- its wrong, and two wrongs dont make a right. It wont make you feel any better about yourself and it wont undo what she did. Personally, I wouldnt cheat even if I thought it would make me feel better, which I dont. I dont know what you should do, but I know making a major decision- like choosing to cheat or dump her- based on spite is something that people regret every time

good luck

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