beverlyblack Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year now, he saved me when i was in a really low time in my life. i have no family whatsoever, just myself. we are really in love with each other and just got a new apartment and just came back from a vacation. he said he wants to show me the world. he recently went away for two weeks for family business and i was heart broken when he left....i went to a party and ended up getting really really drunk and ended up cheating on him. i barely remember anything but woke up this morning and realized what had happened. i remember really really not wanting to do it but i guess it did. i dont even like the person. ive been cheated on once and it is the worst thing you can tell someone. i cheated on on of my ex boyfried of three years and told him becuase i couldnt live with the guilt and it ruined it. it took me 2 years to get my life back together after that. now it is finally back together and everything is perfect. i feel so stupid and guilty. i dont know what to do. i have random breakdown moments and want to call him and tell him but i cant!!! i dont want to hurt him..i dont want to hurt myself. i love him to death. he comes back from his trip soon. i dont know what to do. its awful....im so lost. i know what i did and i know i dont deserve any sympathy. i tried to pray but i just cant. i feel so bad i did that, i cant believe i did. please help. please give me some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 You need to tell him or leave him. This guy really helped you and keeping something like this from him is just wrong. People do horrible things but that is life. The right thing to do is usually the hardest. Do not disrespect him anymore than you already have. You have to make yourself stronger before you can be in a relationship. You need to learn how to love someone more than yourself. This means you need to sacrifice your own personal needs for your SO. This is what your bf did for you Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Did the last time you cheat involve alcohol? If so, QUIT F-ING DRINKING. What state are you in. If the boy forced himself on you and even if you did give in. There is a law against it in California. You're a serial cheater now. Couldn't you see what was gonna happen when you get drunk? 7 years of your life wasted because you couldn't keep your legs crossed. I hope your bf forgives you. I really do. You have to stop drinking. Period. NONE. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 now it is finally back together and everything is perfect. i feel so stupid and guilty. i dont know what to do. i have random breakdown moments and want to call him and tell him but i cant!!! i dont want to hurt him..i dont want to hurt myself. i love him to death. if you loved him, you wouldn't have cheated. And you are a repeat cheater...maybe you shouldn't be in a committed relationship for a LONG time and shouldn't have a boyfriend. he comes back from his trip soon. i dont know what to do. its awful....im so lost. i know what i did and i know i dont deserve any sympathy. i tried to pray but i just cant. i feel so bad i did that, i cant believe i did. please help. please give me some advice. If you don't tell him, then basically your X deserved the truth, but your current bf does not. and if you don't tell him, which wouldn't surprise me a bit for you to take the easy way out and deny him the right to know....then maybe partying and drinking should be completely OVER for you. And drinking isn't an excuse. Drinking does nothing more than brings out the true character in a person. You would have wanted to cheat when sober, but being sober simply kept you from doing so. So either tell him....or don't. If it is the latter...then no more partying. And if thats not acceptable...then just break up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoulmate Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Bev Make sure you read everything here with a grain of salt. IF you tell him or not, it is your decision. I do not think you are serial cheater. You made a series of mistakes and IMO they are just that, mistakes. 1. Partying too hard. 2. Partying with the wrong crowd. 3. Cheating. If you decide to tell him, know that you have to live with the consequences (he may leave you, he may not). If you decide not to tell him, know that you have to live with your guilt (if telling him relieves you of your guilt, that is not the right reason to tell IMO). Only you know if telling him is the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
DunnoWhat Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Bev Make sure you read everything here with a grain of salt. IF you tell him or not, it is your decision. I do not think you are serial cheater. You made a series of mistakes and It doesn't matter what you think (no offense). She is a serial cheater. She cheats on her boyfriends. This isn't ment to offend her it's just telling facts. You need to tell him. Clear it from your mind and beg for forgiveness. Then prove to him that you'll change. Prove it by stopping the drinking and partying. You cannot not tell him. That would only make the situation worse. If he found out it'd be terrible for him. So tell him. At least be honest about your mstake. Good luck with it. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Sorry soulmate, She ruined a 3 year relationship by cheating. Now she may have ruined a 2 year relationship by cheating. That is serial cheating. She may have cheated before too. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 If you actually do love him and care about him as much as you claim, you owe him the truth. Without that, you are taking huge liberties with his life and his health, and denying him the right to make decisions about his own life armed with all the information. Unfortunately, one piece of information is that his GF got drunk and cheated on him while he was away. True, he may break up with you. But that's his right, frankly, on the basis of what you did. The fact that you cheated once, it messed up your life and your last relationship, and now you've gone and done it again to the love of your life suggests that you have some pretty serious issues. You need to get those dealt with before they poison any future relationships. I'm guessing you don't want to be a serial cheat, so you need to take positive steps to stop being one. I suggest counselling, and that you avoid relationships for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 no matter how much you love him, and want to protect him from the pain of the truth , you must tell him. he will be heart broken, but the choice to stay or leave should be his.i really do think you need to go to ic to get to the root of your insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
NewKid99 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Tell him you cheated so he can find someone with better character as your character is rather weak. You clearly did wrong... now it's time to face the music. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Sorry soulmate, She ruined a 3 year relationship by cheating. Now she may have ruined a 2 year relationship by cheating. That is serial cheating. exactly!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 ive been cheated on once and it is the worst thing you can tell someone. i cheated on on of my ex boyfried of three years and told him becuase i couldnt live with the guilt and it ruined it. it took me 2 years to get my life back together after that. now it is finally back together and everything is perfect. i feel so stupid and guilty. i dont know what to do. i have random breakdown moments and want to call him and tell him but i cant!!! i dont want to hurt him..i dont want to hurt myself. i love him to death. he comes back from his trip soon. i dont know what to do. its awful....im so lost. i know what i did and i know i dont deserve any sympathy. i tried to pray but i just cant. i feel so bad i did that, i cant believe i did. please help. please give me some advice. If you love him, then you will tell him what has happened, or you will walk away from this relationship and stay silent. If you only love yourself, then you will not tell him and live with what little guilt your conscience can muster. You will have to make a choice here. Your self destructive behavior needs to end at some point. Do you hate yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Julnlisha Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I think it would be selfish to tell him if you won't do it again. You made a mistake...but you shouldn't tell him to make you feel better and him like crap. It's not fair. Just don't tell. Goodluck Link to post Share on other sites
manugeorge Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Speaking as someone who has been cheated on before. It hurt like a bitch when I found out. I mean, it hurt more than anything I have EVER experienced in my life. Sent me into a black hole of depression that was so hard to climb out of. I didn't know I could hurt like that. I broke up with the douchebag immediately but for years after that the hurt followed me around like my shadow. In retrospect, would I have wanted to know about the infidelity? my answer is YES, YES and YES. Eventhough I wouldn't wish the emotional blow on my worst enemy, if I could do things over, I would still have chosen to know. You have to give him the opportunity to decide, armed with FULL information on who you are and what you've done. By not telling, you are depriving him of his rightfully owned power to make his own choices, and that in itself is another selfish act on your part, not any different from the cheating. A cheater is not the only person who learns valuable life lessons from infidelity, the person who's cheated on also does. My ex screwing around on me helped me discover so much about myself, my values, my self-worth, my strength, my weakness and my character. A person who is truly remorseful for any mistakes she makes in life will also hold herself accountable for those mistakes and she will readily surrender to the consequences of those mistakes, no matter how grave. She will take her punishment and endure it because common sense will tell her that just because you are sorry for a mistake doesn't mean you don't get to suffer the repercussions of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I think it would be selfish to tell him if you won't do it again. Uh, no. He has every right to know. I think you need to buy a dictionary, because you don't seem to know what 'selfish' actually means. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I think it would be selfish to tell him if you won't do it again. You made a mistake... funny thing is........she keeps making the same "mistake" Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Hey BB --1st thing you better do is get checked for STD. If you basically had sex, but didn't really know what you were doing, then you probably don't know if you were protected. You have been with this guy for a while, yet he goes away for 2 weeks, and you are heart broken, you need to grow up, being apart for 2 weeks is not a reason to be heart broken, and then go partying, and have sex, Sounds like you just needed a reason to go out and play without your BF, and so you played right into a game of spread the legs for anyone who comes along. You need to tell your BF, if for no other reason than he is going to want to have sex when he returns, and you are going to have to refuse him, cuz of possible STD, and he is sure going to want to know why you are refusing sex after he has been away for 2 weeks, Its all going to come out so just tell him, and hope he is dumb enough to forgive you and keep you around, then you need to fix yourself, and find out why you go off and spread your legs, for others as soon as your BF goes out of town. You could have prevented the sex at any time and you know it. People in a dead drunk stupor still know right from wrong, and vaguely know what they are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts