I am the "OTHER WOMAN"........

[wildfire7698]

I met my best friend in grade 9, we were in Biology class together. Wr became fast friends, before long we had become the very best friends.

 

Our friends used to joke to us saying that we would end up getting married and that we belonged together, we would ignore it and laugh it off. We as we got older, our curious natures did get the better of us, we ended up fooling around several times while his parents were away and whenever we could sneak away from our friends to be alone. We would always maintain the "just friends"persona around everyone, because in this way our friendship would not be ruined if we decided to stop messing around because we were not technically dating. Well fast forward to the near present...two years ago. I went away much to his dismay and mine, I had to leave the province for training and would be gone for a while. One night he told me as we watched TV and ate pizza that he loved me and didn't want me to go.

 

This stunned me, because up until that point those words were taboo to us, we were happy being friends with benefits, or atleast that's what we told ourselves. But as I think back it was obvious how we felt about one another because we would always find something wrong with eachother's boyfriends and girlfriends, because we were really jealous.

 

He took his arms and put them around me, saying that he wanted us to be a couple, that he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. My heart was beating wildly and for a minute I thought it could happen. We were only 21 and were really foolish. As I lay there in his arms that night, many thoughts went through my mind. So that morning I got up and left. Before doing so I left a note. The note contained how I was overjoyed that he felt that way and that I felt the same way about most of what he said, except for the fact I was afraid of commitment (long story) and thought that I needed to fulfil my goals and see the world.

 

So I told him to move on and find someone and that we would always be friends. Well, there wasn't a day that I didn't think of him, I didn't leave my address or new number and told my mom not to give it out, I just felt it would be better that way. Well, after almost two years away, I came back home and decided to start back attending university.

 

One day I was checking my e-mail and there was a message from him, saying we wanted to me. I was excited, I could hardly wait but when I found out we were at the same university, I thought maybe we have a chance again. I was wrong, I found out that he had a girlfriend and that he had moved on, my heart was broken but I put on a smile and looked happy when he was around. However, we started spending a lot of time together, him sneaking over to my apartment whenever they would fight, etc.

 

Well, one thing led to another and we started messing around again, it wasn't too long before we were having sex again. I knew it was wrong, but he would always talk of breaking up with her when he figured out how to go about it. I encouraged him not to because I was feeling bad about what we were doing because I too, was seeing someone else. He took it as me not wanting to be with him again, and the fact that he had found someone else, hurt my pride so I wouldn't let him se otherwise.

 

But a few months went by and I finally told him how I felt, he was thrilled. He wanted to break it off with his girlfriend quickly, but I urged him to be nice about it and tactful. I was in the same boat, I had a relationship to end too. Well, he told her that he wanted to break up and that things weren't going well., She cried and begged. His girlfriend couldn't let go of her dreams of being wealthy, he was from a well to do family. He knew this because he over heard her talking to her friends over the phone. But he convinced himself at one time she really cared for him. She told him that she would kill herself if he broke it of with her.

 

He was stuck, he didn't know what to do, so I gave him time to get everything solved. Well 2 weeks later she comes to him saying she was pregnant, she had stopped taking her birth control pills on purpose he said to trap him. They had not slept together for a long while, he says when she told him she was almost 2 months along, but he said she would do and say odd things like asking if he would marry her if that ever happened etc. He said they slept together that night I told him that he and I couldn't be together the second time out of spite and he regretted it afterwards. But none the less, he had a new problem. He was gonna be stuck with her.

 

He told his parents how said they would not pay for the rest of his graduate studies if he didn't do what was right and marry her. So he did, he often called me at night before their wedding, crying and saying how sorry he was. I did feel sorry for him, but I was also very hurt and angry so I would often hang up on him. Well, exactly a week before their wedding he showed up on my door step, soaking wet from the rain outside. I opened the door and could tell my his eyes, he was hurting. I told him to come in and we went over to the couch.

 

He sat down and I turned to get him a towel, he pulled me back towards him and made me face him. Tears began falling and he burried his face against my stomach, hugging me. My heart melted and I put my arms around him. He pulled me down face level with him and we kissed. It was not like usually either, we both felt as if it was our last chance to be together.

 

He stayed with me that night and it was one of the hottest nights we had ever had...it was final, the closing of our book.....

But that wasn't the case, I went home for the summer, I kept myself busy trying desperately not to think about him, he was now a married man with a baby on the way. Well, when I had came back to university after summer break, I began hearing from him again. He seemed a bit more positive about his new life and the coming of his son. He said that he was starting to feel love for his wife again, because in fact she was the mother of his child. It hurt me to hear this, but I knew that atleast he was doing right by the child.

 

He would e-mail me often and call, but things weren't the same between us, I had nothing to really say anymore, I was tired and I felt as if my heart had taken a major beating. I guess he sensed this and began coming to my apartment whenever his wife was away or at work. At first it was harmless, nothing happened. But one day, he came over and told me that he tried to convince himself for the baby's sake that he loved her. He loves her but is not inlove with her.

 

He began to tell me how his wife does nothing but gripe and cuss at him, he said they never have sex anymore, because she was almost 7 months pregnant and had no interest in it, she acted as if she was grossed out by sex in general. He said he has tried to do his best to forget about me, but says he can't.

 

I don't know that either it was because out of my love for him or stupidity, I felt great sorrow for him. His wife was out of town that night and we talked for what seemed like ages, then I looked at the clock and saw it was late. He rose and walked to the door, just as he stepped out into the night he turned around to me and said in almost a whisper to please not let him go home tonight and that he was so lonely. I didn't know what to think, he was married, granted not happily married, but all the same married. I stammered around for a second looking down at my carpet.

 

He took a step forward and took my face in his hands and kissed me hard. I was at a loss for words, at that time so much was going through my mind. After a feew moments of kissing, he scooped me up and carried me to my bedroom. It was so confusing for me, my head was saying no but my heart so confused.

 

But as it went on, it felt so wonderful to be with him again that I willingly took part. That was the night I officially became "the other woman." Since that night we have seen eachother a few more times, but luckily in the company of others so we can't make anymore foolish mistakes.

 

He calls often wanting to come over so we can be alone, and even though I find myself wanting to say yes, I make up excuses of having things to do so he can't. I know it's only a matter of time though before he just shows up at my door. What should I do? How can I break the cycle? Please any advice.

[yes]

if you could edit the above to make it more readable, we'll all try and respond!

 

-yes

[yes]

and that's a crazy story!

 

i think... i think he should make a choice. either divorce, be with u, and still be a father to the son; or stay w/ his wife & stop contacting you entirely. Until he makes that choice, u'r in a baaad position here. So I suggest telling him that - until he decides, you don't want to hear from him. That's the only option I see ...

 

Just a thought,

-yes

[wildfire7698]

How do I edit? Do I have to contact the owners of the site?

 

And thanks for your advice, I am going to have to give him the

 

ultimatium. I just don't know about all of this.

[butterflyz]

you need to be clear with him that while you care for him deeply, he is behaving in a selfish manner. he's ripping all of you off.

 

if he does care, and you ask him to not contact you till he's made up his mind, then he would be a great guy, and hopefully he would choose you.

 

but, most likely he'll get upset, say he can't lose you. but he can't give you what you want either.

 

you'll always have a piece of him, never the entire guy. i know it's hard, because i've been tempted before, but, i always kept telling myself "you don't want an affair or a piece of a relationship, you want it all."

 

if you remind yourself of what you really want out of life, then you'll be able to make the right decision.

 

right now, he knows he has you wrapped around his finger. it seems that he shows up in your life when he's miserable at home. i know he's emailed you prior, but it could be just a way to keep you waiting in the wings. when he shows up, don't answer the door, don't answer his calls.

 

if it makes you feel more comfortable, write him an email. whatever you have to do to get space. the "sex" drug is very addicting.

 

good luck.

[Ally Boo]

Everyone is being screwed over here. Yes, he may love you, but let me tell you something about cheating...

Cheating is actually a screwed up way of trying to save a relationship. A person cheats bc their needs aren't getting met. So, they find outside sources to meet their needs...so they are happy, and dont need to leave the person they aren't totally happy with. As long as they can find their "fix" they are ok.

 

The case being...she's not intrested in sex...or being loving...when it gets too much and he needs a release, he can go to you, come back home and be ok again...ready for the next when his frustration jar gets over filled, so he can come back to you, and dump it out at your place...get it filled back up with love and sex, and its a never ending cycle...

 

So my point is, he isn't trying to be with you. He just knows you fill his needs, but he has to be with his wife bc she's pregnant...and he's "trapped." Its not a fair way to live life for ANY of you...and if you are anything like me, the more time you spend together, the more love you have for him, and the more it hurts at night when you sleep alone, knowing he's holding his wife...

 

I can't possibly see how you find this worth the hurt...

[witchbreed]

I agree, that this kind of relationsship - if one can call it that - doesnt do any of the involved persons any good. To be "the other woman" agrees very rarely with a woman, and then there is the guilt issue - on your and his side.

 

Actually to me it seems, that all three of you are still very immature. He married to save his inheritance, to make his parents happy - thats just no reason for marriage. It shows that he has no backbone. On the other hand, you and him, have always had a kind of illicit affair, been always hiding the truth about your relationsship - so one could say, that you are both skilled in being deceitful. Ask yourselves why you both seem to have this craving for an illicit affair, does it add spice being forbidden?

 

Would you, would he really want a real relationsship with each other, standing up for each other and your feelings? By the story you tell - I kind of doubt this.

 

I think its better to end it now, before you all get hurt even more. At least end it the way it is now and even if he does split with his wife sometimes in the future, shaky foundation there, take your time about getting back together and find out, what you really want in a relationsship and what he wants and if your dreams of a relationsship are combatible.

[Ally Boo]

I never thought about the fact that they've ALWAYS been secretive.