TPol Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Well, if there is such a thing as etiquette when it comes to cheating! My boyfriend's sister is getting invloved with a married co-worker. She is 33, he's 53. He started with flirting with her at work a few months ago, and now things are escalating. It seems like the usual cliche; his wife doesn't understand him blah blah blah, she's been alone for a while and is flattered by the attention. The fact that they're co-workers is bad enough, but being married with two teenage kids is a completely different story. My BF told her all that and she knows it herself, but is selfishly doing what she thinks would be good for her. I'm fairly black & white on cheating, although the guy is the married one here, but it doesn't mean she is completely innocent and can be responsible for her behaviour. She's a very good-natured person and a bit naiive when it comes to relationships. She has already mentioned all going out together at some point (if he can make some excuses to his wife). But the idea of it makes me quite uncomfortable. What would be the topic of conversation? Would it be too bad if I excused myself and stayed home? Because I can see myself being my judjemental self and asking him how his wife is doing! I even try not to bring him up with her, but it's bound to come up a lot as she seems all excited about this man. Link to post Share on other sites
citizen67 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Agreed that he is the cheater, but she is not absolved. I would tell her you have no interest in meeting, or hanging out with any married men she is involved with, as you think it is wrong. It might be more wrong of him - its still wrong of her as well Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 there's not much you can do about your sister.. she's old enough.. but you don't have to be part of it, if you don't want to.. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 It depends how mean you're feeling. I'd discuss your feelings with your BF, and tell him you would find it impossible to keep your feelings to yourself. Either let him communicate this to his sister, or you do it, but either way, they'd both be in no doubt as to your feelings on the matter. FWIW I feel equally strongly about this. I too, would not be able to resist confronting the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Tell her what I told a friend who was doing the same thing. I said that it was wrong and selfish and I wouldn't have any part of it. That meant: * No discussing the relationship and eventual heartaches (I simply told her "That's what you get.") * No meeting him or hanging out with him * No waiting while she takes phone calls from him while we are together * No lying to cover her actions, ever * No lying to anyone when asked whether or not she is having an affair In the end, I simply couldn't stay friends with someone who was doing this. Our values were very different. But, since she is your sister, you will have to continue a relationship with her. Still, what kind of relationship is completely up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Read the post, people! It's NOT HER sister - it's her BF's sister......! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Read the post, people! It's NOT HER sister - it's her BF's sister......! sister.. sister-in-law.. who cares. the decision is still hers.. Link to post Share on other sites
Hughesy Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Lets hope the wife finds out and kills the both of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Well looks like this is a double post, but like I said in the other post, there is NO etiquette when it comes to cheating. Thats like saying there is a right way and a wrong way to s##t in someones mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TPol Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 Yes, BF's sister not mine! If it were my sister (don't have one) there would be no dilemma here, I would be a lot more upfront about it I think my discomfort of the whole situation is multiplied by the ease and casualness that she talks about it, as if it's just a regular boyfriend she's seeing, lack of remorse and regard for anything else other than her own happiness/fun. She also has friends who get all excited and giggle about it. Maybe I'm generally disappointed that people are treating it so callously, hence my strong reaction. However I haven't told her anything and have just been listening so far and try to change the subject whenever it comes up, but not sure if I can keep it up though. Link to post Share on other sites
taylor Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Tell her she should double-date with her parents since her 53 year old MM should be just about their ages. He'd have alot more in common with them and alot more to talk about with them than he would with you and your boyfriend. Or.. you could just invite them out to the club for some drinking and hip hop. I'm sure he'd love it. Link to post Share on other sites
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