smilebrite Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 this is a long story but i will try to keep it short. i have been with my b/f for seven years. there was a time when we planned to get married but we wanted to get our careers and finances together first. three years ago we moved to a new city together. living together was not all that he expected (sex all day everyday) im a full time dental student and he is in undergrad with a late night job i would have been fine with all this sex but it wasn't possible. i was aware of this and other problems that we had but i felt that as soon as our schedules lighten up we would be okay. i guess he felt differently because i caught him cheating in dec. i changed the locks and left him a note to go stay with the bit-- that he was fuc----. while he was at work(with her). i also canceled hid bank card so that he didn't have access to any money. eventually i let him in and the first thing he asked was can he stay in the apartment until he went to the military in june. at the time i told him no and we agreed on two weeks. after a couple of days we talked and he begged for a second chance i was so heartbroken i could't imagine staying with him. but i had cheated on him during the first year of our relationship and waited two years to confess i always said to myself if he messed up that i would give him a second chance. so i did. a week later i was out of town and found were i had hidden a caller id to see if she was still calling when i was away he found it and was extremely upset. we i got back i apologized and we made up. i later found out that he was still talking to her but i don't if or when it ended. since then he will not talk about anything that happened. we go about like nothing ever happened and i have to admit that it great being with him but then when he is at work in wondering if he is still cheating and if he really wants to be with me etc. i told myself that i would just enjoy it and try to get over it when he leaves (in two weeks) i have tried to talk about our problems but he says that he hasn't thought about it. i feel stupid for putting up with this. TO BE CONTINUED............... Link to post Share on other sites
smilebright Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 just writing about what has happened makes me think that i should drop him like a bad habit. but the bad ones are the hardest to break. i know that he is mad at me for spying on him but i don't think that it overshadows him cheating. should i put everthing on the line now and tell him to make a decision or should i just wait till he leaves and try to get over him Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 Considering the masturbation, the pornography, the cheating, the lack of trust, his spying on you, your spying on him....I think there is no basis here for any kind of romance whatsoever. This scenario would not qualify for any romance novel I've ever seen but your story would make a great horror flick. You are in a very sorry, highly dysfunction association that cannot be characterized as a relationship. Drop him as soon as it is practical for you to do so. This guy won't change. It wouldn't hurt if you made a decision as well not to cheat on your next guy. Break up before you have to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 You gave him another chance....are you breaking up when he leaves? Or is that the question you need advice on? Link to post Share on other sites
smilebrite Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 whether or not to break up is the question i cheated it was a one time thing that he never knew about but i told him because he deserved to know his forgiveness only made me love him more. we have a great time together and i love him very much but should i give him a second chance just because he gave me one. i feel that if you can't be faithful after seven years you just can't be faithful. i just been waiting for him to figure out what he wants but if nothing is said by the time he leaves there is no dout that it will be the end . Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 You can't really get mad at him for something you did too. Was yours just a one time thing? Or was it kinda prolonged like his was? Either way, I guess you are both even now....you can't break up with him in my opinion over THAT. But...a person does not cheat unless their needs are being met. So, maybe you should compare your life with him then to it now and see if you are doing anything different. You two should talk about it if anything, and I wouldn't just assume it was over if nothing was said before he leaves....you two HAVE to talk about this. Because you know what assumptions lead to... Link to post Share on other sites
smilebrite Posted August 14, 2002 Share Posted August 14, 2002 thanks to everyone that read and replied to long story. in case your interested this is how the story ended. actually my b/f made it easy for me. i was making sure that he had everything ready to leave for the military and i found were he had stashed the phone number and address of the girl that he was cheating with. i simply scratched it out and wrote a note letting him know that it is over between us. i acted as if nothing had happened and sent him on his way. I'm sure that he has found the note by now but i haven't heard from him. he is going to be hard to get over but i know that i did the right thing "no man is worth crying over and the ones that are won't make you" Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 14, 2002 Share Posted August 14, 2002 At least you know baby girl, I'm sorry that you got hurt. But I guess that's all part of it! Link to post Share on other sites
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