LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating > Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

Girlfriend wants sex with other men.. i think


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 31st December 2008, 1:22 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 6
Girlfriend wants sex with other men.. i think

OK so its quite a long story but my girlfriend and I are very much in love with each other and very open sexually, well WITH EACH OTHER. She has been quite promiscuous in her past but I'm chill with that because I don't really care seeing as she is with me NOW. However she has come to me recently and said that, while she is proud of herself for turning down the advances of previous partners (something she hasn't done with any of her other boy friends.. just cheated on all of them), she doesn't see any harm in having sex with other people as long as we think of each other and don't like it more with someone else as much as we do with each other.

My problem comes in that I am very open in bed but very old fashioned in that I think sex should be monogamous and meaningful between two people and only those two... im also a slight bit jealous.. she on the other hand sees it as a means to an end when we are apart and only meaningful if we are together. I just cant deal with the idea of her having sex with some other guy even though she SAYS that it is ok for me to have sex with other women (which I am not and have no intention of actually doing)... Pardon me if it seems like the sex roles are reversed, i'm sure some of you will tell me i am a freak for not taking advantage of free sex but I'm the kind that when I'm in love i really don't see other women that way... and we are BOTH VERY MUCH in love with one another she just wasn't raised to think of sex as highly as I was because her parents cheated on each other and she just used sex as an escape when young.

I think she is willing to live with the rules as they are for not cheating but I feel like I am holding her back in some small way from her true feelings. The last thing I want is to restrain her.. but I just can't wrap my head around her thoughts on free sex.

How do I either A) learn how to let her have sex with others... or B) convince her that once together with someone sex should be for you and your partner only.. unless arrangements for a threesome can be agreed upon, lol.
jonboy66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 1:24 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonboy66 View Post
OK so its quite a long story but my girlfriend and I are very much in love with each other and very open sexually, well WITH EACH OTHER. She has been quite promiscuous in her past but I'm chill with that because I don't really care seeing as she is with me NOW. However she has come to me recently and said that, while she is proud of herself for turning down the advances of previous partners (something she hasn't done with any of her other boy friends.. just cheated on all of them), she doesn't see any harm in having sex with other people as long as we think of each other and don't like it more with someone else as much as we do with each other.

My problem comes in that I am very open in bed but very old fashioned in that I think sex should be monogamous and meaningful between two people and only those two... im also a slight bit jealous.. she on the other hand sees it as a means to an end when we are apart and only meaningful if we are together. I just cant deal with the idea of her having sex with some other guy even though she SAYS that it is ok for me to have sex with other women (which I am not and have no intention of actually doing)... Pardon me if it seems like the sex roles are reversed, i'm sure some of you will tell me i am a freak for not taking advantage of free sex but I'm the kind that when I'm in love i really don't see other women that way... and we are BOTH VERY MUCH in love with one another she just wasn't raised to think of sex as highly as I was because her parents cheated on each other and she just used sex as an escape when young.

I think she is willing to live with the rules as they are for not cheating but I feel like I am holding her back in some small way from her true feelings. The last thing I want is to restrain her.. but I just can't wrap my head around her thoughts on free sex.

How do I either A) learn how to let her have sex with others... or B) convince her that once together with someone sex should be for you and your partner only.. unless arrangements for a threesome can be agreed upon, lol.
B without a second thought or a doubt.
Ayemtee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 1:26 AM   #3
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 6
I'm glad to see I;m not crazy in your eyes... but HOW do I convince her that sex with others just isn't kosher, without stifling her personality??
jonboy66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 1:39 AM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 157
She is broken. You have completely different morals. If you do not lay out the fact and take a hard line, you will be asking for pain. Just think of this. What if she makes love to someone she likes to screw much better then you. You are setting yourself up to be a cuckold. And you will be miserable. You need to sit her down and say that you want to have a serious discussion with her. You need to look her straight in the eyes and say:

" I want to make this as clear as possible. Your past is your past, But I will not have you bringing it into our relationship. If you are ever unfaithful to me in word (emotional affair) or deed (physical affair). I will leave you and never look back. I am ready to commit myself to you completely. But I will expect no less from you. Don't give me your answer now. I want you to really think about it and let me know tomorrow. Is there anything that you don't understand about what I just said?"

Then you have a clear demarcation line. That leaves nothing to question or wonder about. Good luck
atwitsend is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 1:53 AM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 157
Stifling her personality. Do you think being a slut is a good trait to have in your girlfriends personality? Your morals are right hers are wrong. If she can't be happy being faithful to you. You need to let her go. Let me clue you in. If she is giving you permission to screw other girls. She is trying to get you to allow her to go and screw whoever she wants. Do you understand this? She already wants to **** other guys. If she is asking. She wants this relationship to be like all her other boy friends. SHE CHEATED ON THEM BECAUSE THEY DID NOT TAKE HER UP ON HER OFFER. IF YOU DON'T SHE WILL SCREW OTHER GUYS ANYWAYS (my opinion). Does what I am saying make any sense to you? I personally think you are opening yourself up to a lot of heart ache. You should find a girl that believes as you do.
atwitsend is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 1:54 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 127
Then after that give her some of the best dick she's ever had in her life. That'll definitely change her mind.
Ayemtee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 2:04 AM   #7
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 6
scary thing is I do see what you are saying, which is why i posted this. She has been very open and honest to me up to this point and she IS DOING A GREAT JOB of being faithful. I think clarification is needed in that this is not an issue when we are together in school but over the break she has gotten antsy because she never goes very long without sex (which i have loved...lol) and she has been this sexualized since before she even knew what sex was, it was something that just came natural to her. I know this is a dead issue when we are together but while we are apart.... idk.

anyways I know what you are saying is true and that if we don't handle this issue now it will likely result in her cheating on me over the summer, unless over the next few months i can sell her on monogamy.. but seriously.. this is THE ONLY thing in our relationship that we have different stands on and she has been 100% supportive of my view and done her best to dedicate herself to being faithful... I just.. shes never really talked to me about things like she did tonight and I'm afraid that its because of the sexual tension between her and her old bf's back home. I just want to give her what she wants and make her happy but feel like I would never be able to look at her the same if she was to **** other men... should i tell her it is ok to be with guys when we are apart but don't let me know??? and be faithful when we are together? sorry I know I talk alot i just got blindsided by some of this and im still reeling a good bit. Welll that and I really do love her and we have both talked at length about how we want to get married and have kids someday, once we graduate (hopefully a year from now actually)..

Last edited by jonboy66; 31st December 2008 at 2:12 AM..
jonboy66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 2:18 AM   #8
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ayemtee View Post
Then after that give her some of the best dick she's ever had in her life. That'll definitely change her mind.

well fwiw I have already been told I am the most amazing sex ever and she has cried more than once during love making sessions because we...well yeah. She even named my dick "obscenely amazing cock"... or o.a.c. (pronounced oak) for short. so I'm def. not worried about the good dicking. LOL.

Last edited by jonboy66; 31st December 2008 at 2:32 AM..
jonboy66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 9:34 AM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: England, Uk
Posts: 41
honestly she doesnt sound like the type of woman who should be in a relationship..she sounds like a woman who wants 2 go around having sex with everyone for fun..dont put up with this type of crap lol..
i think u should find the type of woman who has the morals u want from a woman...old fashioned like yourself
OnTheEdge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 9:46 AM   #10
Established Member
 
EYECANDY000's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Somewhere in the City
Posts: 1,310
In this scenerio I just don't see any compromising. Yes, she has been honest with you thus far. But if she's asking about sleeping with other guys then the thought is there. It seems like she wants to ok you to sleep with other girls so she won't feel AS guilty about it.

In my opinion , even if you are giving her the best sex in the world she's going to still feel like she is missing something, like variety!!

Either stick with her and wait to get cheated on or dump her because I don't see any compromising with this. Clearly this girl is tainted and and has a different perspective about relationship and sex.
__________________
Dont let your happenings upset your happiness
EYECANDY000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 10:01 AM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 157
Don't doubt for a minute that she thinks your the greatest. But that has nothing to do with what she will do when she gets home. within a week of getting home she will be hooking up with her old boyfriends. From what you say about her. There is no way she can be faithful. Let me tell you how it will happen. She will be out at a party having a few drinks and she will see someone she has had sex with. He will hit on her (and when she drinks, like anyone, her inhibitions will be low or non-existent. And remember, Alcohol does not make you do anything, it lowers your inhibitions so that you do the things that you want to anyways) and her fidelity will last only as long as it takes to find somewhere to screw. Do you have any question that this is what is going to happen. Now I want you to think about this. Summer is three months long. And she will screw a lot of guys in three months. You have actually talked about marriage with her. Just how long do think it will take for her to hook-up with someone when she is looking at a lifetime of monogamy. Its not that she doesn't love you. Its that as good as you are in bed. It will only take a few months to a year for her to want some strange. Sex can get a little boring with the same person. I have been married for 29 years. The only way you can stay faithful is to really believe in monogamy and to work hard on your marriage.
atwitsend is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 10:31 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,768
Your morals are simply way too different. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. She has a record of constantly cheating on her past boyfriends. She now brings this up to you which means she is clearly thinking about and contemplating this. This seems to be her genetic make-up. You say she cannot go through short periods without sex. The chances are therefore great this will occur in the Summer when you are apart. Based on what you have written I would think you should be scared out of your mind picking up an STD from her now or in the future. In the short term she may be faithfut but based on her history it is truly doubtful she will ever be able to stay faithful. Are you really sure this is a type of girl you want to put your hopes and dreams on now and in the future. Maybe it is time for your big head to do the thinking over your little head.
Bryanp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 10:40 AM   #13
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 6
well I will be honest, these are not exactly the answers I thought I would get..I figured SOMEONE would lecture me on the world of open relationships and not being so up tight.. but I do appreciate your responses.

I am definitely worried about all this, but I think this first thing I have to do is really sit down and hash this out with her... She knows where I stand on the cheating issue, and the last thing she wants is to lose what we have... hopefully between the two.. something can be worked out. Although if during the convo I get the feeling shes going to continue to want this... I think I may have to break it off. I love her but I cant deal with feeling like this forever.. Time for her to chose what she needs more the thrill of one bed and a guy that actually treats her like shes more than meat or many beds with many men and... well everything shes been getting.

Thanks everyone.. this has made a big difference in the path set before me.
jonboy66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 11:42 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 66
Jonboy, no one here can persuade you to being ok with an open relationship. No one can alter your feelings about your woman sleeping with another man. The truth is, you already have made up your mind, you already know what you want the relationship to be... Nothing will change that for you, not her, not me, not anyone in the world except you... And its not what you want.

Your gf might think your the best, she might very well love you, but her idea of love/sex are extremely different than yours. You can be as open as a book in bed but none of that will matter in regards to the woman you love being sexually pleasured by another man.

You have three options: accept it and struggle with the relationship, with your self esteem, with your own securities because of it. You will wonder, am I not enough? Do I not give her enough? Was the other guy better? Did she cum harder with the other guy? These are all questions that you will definitely face, and the answers to those questions will leave you in a deep, deep hole.

Your other option would be to convince her to stay managamous. You could try to communicate with her what she seeks from other men, and see if you can fill that void. However, this will still play a number on you... You will be left pondering if she is ever cheating on you. You will wonder if she is happy. You will wonder if she is satisfied.

Your final choice would be to end the relationship, or at least step back and adjust your perspective a bit. You would probably find the less of heart ache with leaving though.

Or, you could just have mmf threesomes... But I dont know if thats what it called for.
onlyicansee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2008, 1:01 PM   #15
 
reservoirdog1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 3,174
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonboy66 View Post
well I will be honest, these are not exactly the answers I thought I would get..I figured SOMEONE would lecture me on the world of open relationships and not being so up tight.. but I do appreciate your responses.
I don't think it has anything to do with you being uptight or not. Everybody has their own set of personal guidelines and their own boundaries. In my case, I generally have no problem with what gets other people off, as long as it isn't objectively immoral (e.g. pedophilia). But I also have my own boundaries. And it's important to find a partner whose boundaries are consistent with yours.

You don't have to change your boundaries for anybody, even her. Is it possible that you could learn to like the whole open relationship thing, and participate in it yourself? Sure, it's possible. But why should you have to? Requiring monogamy from your partner really isn't that much to ask. If that's just not how this girl rolls, then maybe it just won't work between the two of you.
__________________
There are some people in this world who don't love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that!
-- Tom Lehrer
reservoirdog1 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Ask her to be my girlfriend?? sethm522 Dating 0 25th November 2007 4:22 PM
His Almost Ex-Girlfriend. Shizz The Other Man / Woman 5 2nd June 2007 2:39 AM
WHAT DO I DO... I am dying inside about my ex girlfriend / girlfriend babyblue0902 Long-Distance Relationships 2 2nd January 2005 7:57 PM
Help! My girlfriend is hurt when she meets Ex-girlfriend and lovers of mine? Tomy General Relationship Discussion 5 21st October 2003 2:53 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:30 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.