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why do men need female attention


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

 
 
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Old 24th December 2008, 12:16 AM   #1
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why do men need female attention

i give my husband attention but its not enough for him, i can tell him that he looks great, sexy, charming, smart, everything to make a man feel good about himself, but when any female of any age tells him something nice, he lights up and i just don't see that when i say them. men, tell me, is it a guy thing? or has my guy lost it with me.
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Old 24th December 2008, 12:55 AM   #2
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You need to make him beg for it.
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Old 24th December 2008, 1:02 AM   #3
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You need to make him beg for it.
Worst advice ever.
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Old 24th December 2008, 9:01 AM   #4
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Some people need to know that they are objectively attractive. They feel that the attention they get from the spouse doesn't really count, because the spouse is supposed to say that. They feel that the spouse may find them attractive because of a variety of reasons that keep them married, but for a good deal of people - they want to know that someone finds them attractive for no other reason than the fact that they simply look good to the opposite sex in general.

How to fix it? There is little you can do to fix things. The problem is with him, and his need for external non-marital validation. Until he finds a way to fulfill that need from within, he will continue to look for it on the outside.
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Old 24th December 2008, 9:11 AM   #5
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OP, it's a *some* guy thing. You are married to *some* guy. IMO, it's healthy to recognize and occasionally validate one's worth or value, but not at the expense of one's M.

IMO, it's how it's handled. When receiving an external compliment such as you describe, a sincere "thank you" and including my spouse as the inspiration for "all that" would be quite appropriate.

TBH, personally, I prefer a woman's actions to show me she finds me "great, sexy, charming, smart", etc. Words are nice but lack the depth of actions. YMMV, of course
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Old 24th December 2008, 9:17 AM   #6
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I don't believe it's necessarily a "guy" thing. When it comes to compliments, a law of diminshing returns governs. We get more buzz from the compliments of attractive strangers than of intimate familiars.

A spouse's praise loses value over time. Repetition/familiarity breeds a deflationary spiral, a bland acceptance. An intimate stranger's praise gives more bang for the buck.
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Old 24th December 2008, 1:48 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snoopy girl View Post
i give my husband attention but its not enough for him, i can tell him that he looks great, sexy, charming, smart, everything to make a man feel good about himself, but when any female of any age tells him something nice, he lights up and i just don't see that when i say them. men, tell me, is it a guy thing? or has my guy lost it with me.
For some (many?) men, their view of their own masculinity is tied -- at least in part -- to how objectively attractive they are to the opposite sex. Reasons can be very individualized and may or may not reflect dissatisfaction in the marriage.

Neither my wife nor I accept compliments from each other well. She has body image issues (very overweight) and thinks I am just trying to be nice, and I never got over my lack of success at attracting women when I was single.
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Old 24th December 2008, 2:10 PM   #8
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It's not a guy thing. You see it all the time with women, as well.

There's a typical mindset that goes with it. "I've still got it."

You have to seriously review how far "having it", is to each individual. If it dominates whereby the person lacks discipline, don't expect fidelity.
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Old 24th December 2008, 2:22 PM   #9
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it's the same as when i tell my wife that she's Beautiful
1000 times a day and I tell her she's gorgeous and she
likes it, but doesn't believe it.

BUT, when another woman or a friend of mine or one
of her co-workers says it, she too lights up.

It's like she thinks i'm obligated to say, just because
she's my wife or something.

Some dudes and gals just need to/like to hear it from
another source for the sheer fact that it in some way,
makes it more TRUE.
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Old 26th December 2008, 5:14 PM   #10
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so, if i tell my husband that he looks great, i'll never get that look from him that other women get from him? so why tell him? why not just stop for awhile and if he ask me how he looks just say okay i guess? do you think in time after doing this, he will love it when i tell him he looks great?
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Old 29th December 2008, 3:42 PM   #11
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There is a big difference between telling someone a compliment, and giving them one - meaning, my boyfriend doesn't just tell me I'm beautiful - it's in the way he acts, the way he looks at me, the way he gets up from his chair from across the room and rushes over to me to hug or kiss me - that is when I know the compliment is real. So like carhill said, 'words are nice but lack the depth of actions'. If you really mean those things you say to your husband, then try and show that you mean it as well.
Hopefully things go up from there! Hopefully he also does those things for you as well.
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Old 30th December 2008, 1:03 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by snoopy girl View Post
i give my husband attention but its not enough for him, i can tell him that he looks great, sexy, charming, smart, everything to make a man feel good about himself, but when any female of any age tells him something nice, he lights up and i just don't see that when i say them. men, tell me, is it a guy thing? or has my guy lost it with me.

I'm not sure I buy his version, and I'm a guy. Basically, when I'm in a good relationship I walk around like I own the world, and neither seek, nor even *notice* any female attention. And if it so happens that I actually notice it, my reaction is not to 'bask' in it, but to cockily acknowledge it ("That's right, baby, I rock"). And then go home and split my girlfriend in half .
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Old 30th December 2008, 1:11 AM   #13
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Only you can know if your guy has lost it with you. It won't be his unresponsiveness to your compliments that triggers your understanding. There will be plenty of other signs. If it's only the compliments thing, try not telling him how nice he looks. He may actually be tired of hearing it from you.

Beyond that, everyone lights up when someone who isn't onbliged to says they look great. This isn't abnormal behavior, so far as I can tell. I don't know the actual dynamics of your relationship. Based on your original post, I see nothing to worry about.
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Old 31st December 2008, 4:18 PM   #14
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lets get deeper with this, not only does my husband need attention from me, he needs to always have a lady friends to talk to all the time, this would be at his last job of 18 years. he worked with this one for 8 yrs. emotional affair i think?
but if not her then it would be another girl, its been this way all of our marriage. he would say they are good friends, maybe even bestfriends.
i know all of his friends and these are friends i don't know or have not even meet, he will talk about these women to me about being with them at work or going to lunch, taking business trip with them and acting as if he hates it, meanwhile over hearing him talk to his buddies about how hot they are...... or, one of his friends would be surprised that when i say something they did at work together they would guestion him about it, and then he would not want to talk about it at all, saying i'm crazy.
now the guestion is. why do men or some men need female attentions?
I feel that i am a pretty women, built nicely, a good mother, open to anything my husband asks, but i feel i am not enough for him. most of his friends tells him that he is a lucky man to have me, and he is very very very jealous of me. so why does he feel the need to have other women to make him feel good? I don't need that, my husband is all i need.
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Old 31st December 2008, 11:59 PM   #15
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I think they have a disease/disorder with his name on it
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