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Okay...let me start from the begining.

I came to Kentucky for school, and my room mate set me up with one of her friends (John). He and I hit it off right from the start. I fell so deeply in love with him. Then we started fighting...a lot. So he decided that we should take a break, and try to be friends since we never started off that way. And once we were able to open up to each other we would get back together. He also said that he wouldn't date for a while if he even gets a chance to.

3 weeks go by and then he decides to tell me that he is going out on a date with this girl from his work.

It hurt me so much to hear that. I love him with all of my heart, and I can't stand to know that he is dating someone else.

Anyway, he told me that if he had the chance to he would go out with her (boyfriend-girlfriend).

I think about him every day, about how much I want him back. About how close yet how far away I am from him. I don't know what I should do. Sometimes I sit and hope that he calls me. Or I pick up the phone to call him but stop myself.

Can anyone help me?

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When two people start fighting a lot, that's a danger sign. I have no idea why people think that you need a break from each other or you need to see a counsellor or this or that when that starts happening. It's simply a sign that the one, the other or both of you don't have a desire to get along. Arguing is not a mandatory thing.

 

An argument here and there is expected in a healthy relationship but if you start doing it often it's a sign of incompatibility...that the part of the relationship held up by chemistry is giving way to reality.

 

Of course, we're always used to that chemical high of a new relationship and we miss that a lot. Courting is for the purposes of seeing if we are compatible with another person. Your courting was very successful in that you found there were way too many issues you needed to iron out with this person.

 

Yes, I have no doubt you feel love for this guy. But it takes loads more than love and chemicals to sustain a relationship. It only took him three weeks to become attracted to another lass. That chemistry will wear out too if she's the wrong person for him. It appears he's not nearly mature enough...or ready...for a stead deal.

 

Don't act counter to nature. Heal from this relationship and move on. There is absolutely no good reason whatsoever to work towards getting back with a guy you stopped getting along with. Love or no love, I promise you there are guys you can fall for in a big way and where the ultimate result won't be constant bickering.

 

Now, if you go through a lot of those you might want to take a crash course in healthy conflict resolution so the fights which you decide to participate in can be calmly and rationally resolved rather than ending in a separation or break up.

 

I hope you will realize that life is way too short to stay with somebody you're going to be constantly arguing with. Maybe your parents did that...maybe his did that...and they were DEAD WRONG if that was the case.

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Stop thinking about him. Hes no longer thinking about you when he has chick on his side. Now its your turn to go out, have fun, meet new people, get involved in new things.

 

There is a great big world out there. Your ex is doing exactly what I'm telling you to do. Think about what your doing to yourself when you continue to allow your mind to wonder off into a fantasy world. It hurts!

 

Listen the first step in getting him back IF at all possible is for you to put him out of your mind first. Second let him see you go out, have fun with other people and let him see just how happy you are without him and how successful you have been at healing from the separation from him. It might bite him in the butt.

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  • 11 months later...

what were you fighting about....you know everyone fights, was it about stupid little things if yes then maybe you were just getting a bit too on top of each other.

 

On the other hand excessive fighting about the same issue is not a good thing.

 

one thing to consider is how long you and this guy have been single lately? I know it doesn't sound that important, but if you're fighting a lot maybe he just wanted a bit of a no pressure thing so he found this girl. Unfortunately we all make stupid mistakes sometimes (especially guys) but just consider if he loves you or not. If he does then he'll realise his errors, if not then he's not worth the hassle.

 

he's probably just got carried away on some young piece of skirt because he's scared of his own problems, trust me I'm there!

 

anywho why listen to me?

 

Do what you know you should no-one else can tell you what that is, you'll just know

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YOU ASK: "anywho why listen to me?"

 

There's not much reason for this particular thread starter to listen since the thread is nearly a year old. Hopefully, your post will be of help to someone who may search the archives in the near future and happen upon it.

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ah I may have misread the year there!

 

oh well! maybe there's someone somewhere who needed to hear it

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