my jealousy

[just miserable]

my own jealousy is making me want to leave my boyfriend since i cant seem to control it and i am tired of fighting it and trying to pretend when things dont bother me or bitching about things when they do, so im thinking of leaving him for my own sanity, has anyone ever done this before, does it make sense?

[Angel]

If your jealousy is substantiated, and he's denying everything-----leave him, you shouldn't be miserable. Where there's smoke there's fire. Most women know in the core of their gut when a guy is a creep. These type of men get defensive and make you feel like you are crazy--and the longer you stay with them the crazier you will become.

 

Now on the other hand, if you are just being silly and the poor guy is doing nothing wrong and your insecurity is speaking loud and clear-------seek therapy.

 

I need more information to speak further on this.

my own jealousy is making me want to leave my boyfriend since i cant seem to control it and i am tired of fighting it and trying to pretend when things dont bother me or bitching about things when they do, so im thinking of leaving him for my own sanity, has anyone ever done this before, does it make sense?

[just miserable]

the poor guy just is not doing anything to instigate my jealousy it is only my own wild imagination and insecurities. i'm just tired of fighting it thats all and i'm tired of putting him through this crap as well and i'm tired of hearing the hurtful things he says to me when i do get jealous and all the stupid coverups i have to put myself through just so it don't look like i am jealous but i know he knows and i know and that is enough to make me feel so foolish and tired of playing the game that i'm not jealous when infact i am and if you think you are confused you should be me.

If your jealousy is substantiated, and he's denying everything-----leave him, you shouldn't be miserable. Where there's smoke there's fire. Most women know in the core of their gut when a guy is a creep. These type of men get defensive and make you feel like you are crazy--and the longer you stay with them the crazier you will become. Now on the other hand, if you are just being silly and the poor guy is doing nothing wrong and your insecurity is speaking loud and clear-------seek therapy. I need more information to speak further on this.

[Angel]

Can you give an example(s) of what types of things make you jealous-- and his response(s). This would be helpful.

the poor guy just is not doing anything to instigate my jealousy it is only my own wild imagination and insecurities. i'm just tired of fighting it thats all and i'm tired of putting him through this crap as well and i'm tired of hearing the hurtful things he says to me when i do get jealous and all the stupid coverups i have to put myself through just so it don't look like i am jealous but i know he knows and i know and that is enough to make me feel so foolish and tired of playing the game that i'm not jealous when infact i am and if you think you are confused you should be me.

[Rachel]

Listen, from time to time we have different people who post on this board with the same problem.... if is a psychological issue and instead of leaving someone wonderful, why dont' you try to fix the problem?

 

Call a counseling group and get an appointment set up this week.... you may even need a mild medication. Basically leaving this guy is NOT the solution it is just putting a bandaid on it.

 

If you leave him, in one week you will be calling him, and begging him to take him back.

 

try to figure out how you can get this problem fixed, if you need counseling combined with medication its not the end of the world. You have basically got a mild form of paranoia..... that's what unfounded jealousy is,

 

Think about it....there's treatment for paranoia. also if you DON"T treat it, it may get worse

 

 

 

If your jealousy is substantiated, and he's denying everything-----leave him, you shouldn't be miserable. Where there's smoke there's fire. Most women know in the core of their gut when a guy is a creep. These type of men get defensive and make you feel like you are crazy--and the longer you stay with them the crazier you will become. Now on the other hand, if you are just being silly and the poor guy is doing nothing wrong and your insecurity is speaking loud and clear-------seek therapy. I need more information to speak further on this.

[velvet]

So you have this insecurity, why, becuase your afraid your going to lose him to someone elese?

 

You want to leave him to save your mind, well, you brought this on yourself. Your insecurity to lose him has made you really lose him.

 

Why would you want to do that to yourself. Do you think you dont deserve him? You want him? Keep him, just seek the help from your doctor. Make an appointment, tell the doctor all thats burning in your mind and that you can control it. If its not controlled, your going to lose a big part of your life.

 

Or you could not seek a doctors help, leave your b/f for your sanity and learn the long way.

 

the poor guy just is not doing anything to instigate my jealousy it is only my own wild imagination and insecurities. i'm just tired of fighting it thats all and i'm tired of putting him through this crap as well and i'm tired of hearing the hurtful things he says to me when i do get jealous and all the stupid coverups i have to put myself through just so it don't look like i am jealous but i know he knows and i know and that is enough to make me feel so foolish and tired of playing the game that i'm not jealous when infact i am and if you think you are confused you should be me.

[just miserable]

you said: Most women know in the core of their gut when a guy is a creep. These type of men get defensive and make you feel like you are crazy--and the longer you stay with them the crazier you will become.

 

i think; you are right! at times i know it is my insecurity at other times i know i have done nothing wrong and still i get chastised for thinking what i think. he does not do anything directly to make me jealous so i know it is me, but still it hurts, and i think better to leave this pain for both of us.

 

not like he is a great catch or anything but he can be a jerk too about this and other things, he can be really harsh with me when i don't even deserve it or when he is in a bad mood he tends to take it out on me just because i'm there i guess. i need some new ideas on how to handle all this emotion and hurt.

If your jealousy is substantiated, and he's denying everything-----leave him, you shouldn't be miserable. Where there's smoke there's fire. Most women know in the core of their gut when a guy is a creep. These type of men get defensive and make you feel like you are crazy--and the longer you stay with them the crazier you will become. Now on the other hand, if you are just being silly and the poor guy is doing nothing wrong and your insecurity is speaking loud and clear-------seek therapy. I need more information to speak further on this.

[just miserable]

what you say makes alot of sense, i know i bring on my own insecurity, i'm not really afraid to lose him, i know he loves me really and truly and would not cheat on me. i think alot of the times i see him treating other women better then he treats me. he can be a total jerk at times and so sweet other times too, when he is nice to other women it really hurts me and that is when i really get jealous.

 

at times he laughs with them and alot of times when he comes home from work he wants to just watch t.v. and not laugh with me about anything or really share his day with me, just leave me alone in my cave is what he is saying but not directly but i can tell cause he does not really listen to me when i talk to hiim and that really hurts too. he says cause he is on the phone all day he does not want to talk when he comes home, he says when he laughs with these other people it is just business not sincere.

So you have this insecurity, why, becuase your afraid your going to lose him to someone elese? You want to leave him to save your mind, well, you brought this on yourself. Your insecurity to lose him has made you really lose him. Why would you want to do that to yourself. Do you think you dont deserve him? You want him? Keep him, just seek the help from your doctor. Make an appointment, tell the doctor all thats burning in your mind and that you can control it. If its not controlled, your going to lose a big part of your life. Or you could not seek a doctors help, leave your b/f for your sanity and learn the long way.

 

[velvet]

Well than you have nothing to lose. If he goes to another women he will do the same to her. He is at a state of mind where he doesnt care about himself. When you see him havng fun and being freindly towards other people, its all a show. These people dont know that unless they live with him.

 

My last r/s was just like yours. He would have fun and pretend life was great around other people, but once he is alone, or in his cave the real person comes out.

 

BEWARE!!! That this person does not care for himself or you. He doesnt care about others, but what others can give him. He needs help, but wont ask for it, he is sad, and mad on the inside and doesnt want to help himself becuase hes made at the world.

 

what you say makes alot of sense, i know i bring on my own insecurity, i'm not really afraid to lose him, i know he loves me really and truly and would not cheat on me. i think alot of the times i see him treating other women better then he treats me. he can be a total jerk at times and so sweet other times too, when he is nice to other women it really hurts me and that is when i really get jealous. at times he laughs with them and alot of times when he comes home from work he wants to just watch t.v. and not laugh with me about anything or really share his day with me, just leave me alone in my cave is what he is saying but not directly but i can tell cause he does not really listen to me when i talk to hiim and that really hurts too. he says cause he is on the phone all day he does not want to talk when he comes home, he says when he laughs with these other people it is just business not sincere.

[cmc]

You sound exactly like me! Often I want to kick myself for being so jealous and overreacting. I still have this problem. The way i try to look at it is that if it is going to happen, it will happen if we say everything or nothing, but it will be more likely to happen if we bitch and argue. It seems to me that people, being on the other end of this tend to rebel against the one they love. "Well she assumes I'm cheating on her, then maybe I should" Or, if they are a true man, they will try to ease your suspitions and answer every question you ask and let you check their cell phone, things like that.

my own jealousy is making me want to leave my boyfriend since i cant seem to control it and i am tired of fighting it and trying to pretend when things dont bother me or bitching about things when they do, so im thinking of leaving him for my own sanity, has anyone ever done this before, does it make sense?