Trust, Secrets, LoveShack...and whatever else

[Tony T]

With greater frequency, people are coming to this forum to discuss information they found out about a partner gathered on the sly and without the partner's knowledge.

 

One lady a few posts down discovered her guy was working at the docks after telling her he was a computer specialist. She found this out by going through his wallet. Just below, a lady found out her boyfriend has been making an inordinate amount of cell phone calls to his ex while telling her just the opposite.

 

In the past, there have been scores of females going into personal computer's of their guys to find excessive pornography, romantic emails to and from other females, and evidence of instant messaging of ladies of a romantic nature.

 

These are some of the same strategies used by the Central Intelligence Agency, FBI and others to track down and keep up with terrorists and other lawbreakers.

 

There are always posts by females who are trying to steal a man from his wife or from a guy who's involved with two or more people who have no idea about that number.

 

So what's up with all this?

 

I used to be a very trusting soul and despite numerous experiences with females lying to me I've tried to keep a level of trust and faith in people. But the more I come here and read the stuff that people do, the more terrified I am to believe anything I see or hear about anything or anybody.

 

Are the people who post here representative of what's actually going on out there or are these isolated cases?

 

Does everybody do things on the sly, have secrets they keep from others that they shouldn't, is there as much cheating going on out there as these posts suggest...just what's the case?

 

I'm at the point now I really want to know what's up with humans. Is it possible for them to be honest and straight about the important things?

 

I would prefer to be alone than to have to wonder constantly just what kind of secrets or actions are being conducted behind my back. How does one retain a measure of trust when all this crap is going on everywhere?

 

Please help!

[Paulie]

One must always be...AWARE!!!!!!!!

 

(in our relationships)

[yes]

Here's my inuition:

 

if you keep your eyes and ears open, it's very easy to tell when something's fishy. no need to go thru emails or cell phone bills. After spending soem time with the person, u can tell when something's up.

 

I think the people who use these FBI methods have been missing a lot of obvious clues. I mean even if the guy says he doesn't talk to him ex, u can usually tell how he feels by the way he talks abotu her... etc.

 

So me - i trust people all the way - but i also trust my instincts and watch carefully what & how people say and do things.

 

dont give up on humans! - especially not on girls

 

yes

 

PS for some reason, i think women are WAAAY more likely to use these FBI methods... men are much more normal this way...

With greater frequency, people are coming to this forum to discuss information they found out about a partner gathered on the sly and without the partner's knowledge. One lady a few posts down discovered her guy was working at the docks after telling her he was a computer specialist. She found this out by going through his wallet. Just below, a lady found out her boyfriend has been making an inordinate amount of cell phone calls to his ex while telling her just the opposite. In the past, there have been scores of females going into personal computer's of their guys to find excessive pornography, romantic emails to and from other females, and evidence of instant messaging of ladies of a romantic nature. These are some of the same strategies used by the Central Intelligence Agency, FBI and others to track down and keep up with terrorists and other lawbreakers. There are always posts by females who are trying to steal a man from his wife or from a guy who's involved with two or more people who have no idea about that number. So what's up with all this? I used to be a very trusting soul and despite numerous experiences with females lying to me I've tried to keep a level of trust and faith in people. But the more I come here and read the stuff that people do, the more terrified I am to believe anything I see or hear about anything or anybody. Are the people who post here representative of what's actually going on out there or are these isolated cases? Does everybody do things on the sly, have secrets they keep from others that they shouldn't, is there as much cheating going on out there as these posts suggest...just what's the case? I'm at the point now I really want to know what's up with humans. Is it possible for them to be honest and straight about the important things? I would prefer to be alone than to have to wonder constantly just what kind of secrets or actions are being conducted behind my back. How does one retain a measure of trust when all this crap is going on everywhere? Please help!

[velvet]

Mony, my love, everyone keeps changing with the world.

 

Im one to believe that nothing lasts. If I could I would love to take a fine man like yourself, wrap him up in my world and keep him safe from all the ugliness. But than years later, hes pulling his hair out, telling me he doesnt like the way Im raising his children, that he wants some younger flesh, hes banging the neighbor,and he hates me.

 

Who needs that?

 

Alot of people put there hearts in others hands before asking themselves "can I trust you". I know I have been through it a few times and now, I dont want to surrender again.

 

I honestly dont think anyone means anyone harm, its greed,sex,money, and those things can come between us.

 

Cause people to lie,cheat,steal,abuse, and do outrageous things to hurt others.

 

Everyone should support themselves mentally and spirtually, not put those things into someone eleses hands. Trust yourself. If you can do that you can make wiser chocies in trusting others and having faith in them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With greater frequency, people are coming to this forum to discuss information they found out about a partner gathered on the sly and without the partner's knowledge. One lady a few posts down discovered her guy was working at the docks after telling her he was a computer specialist. She found this out by going through his wallet. Just below, a lady found out her boyfriend has been making an inordinate amount of cell phone calls to his ex while telling her just the opposite. In the past, there have been scores of females going into personal computer's of their guys to find excessive pornography, romantic emails to and from other females, and evidence of instant messaging of ladies of a romantic nature. These are some of the same strategies used by the Central Intelligence Agency, FBI and others to track down and keep up with terrorists and other lawbreakers. There are always posts by females who are trying to steal a man from his wife or from a guy who's involved with two or more people who have no idea about that number. So what's up with all this? I used to be a very trusting soul and despite numerous experiences with females lying to me I've tried to keep a level of trust and faith in people. But the more I come here and read the stuff that people do, the more terrified I am to believe anything I see or hear about anything or anybody. Are the people who post here representative of what's actually going on out there or are these isolated cases? Does everybody do things on the sly, have secrets they keep from others that they shouldn't, is there as much cheating going on out there as these posts suggest...just what's the case? I'm at the point now I really want to know what's up with humans. Is it possible for them to be honest and straight about the important things? I would prefer to be alone than to have to wonder constantly just what kind of secrets or actions are being conducted behind my back. How does one retain a measure of trust when all this crap is going on everywhere? Please help!

[witchbreed]

I think everybody now and again lies, to me there is different sorts of lies anyway:

 

white lies: like someone is feeling depressed and looks s***ty right now and one tells them, no you are exagerating, you do not look bad even though they do look s***ty right now.

 

gray lies: like you are late and instead of telling the truth, like you forgot the time doing something, you tell about a last minute urgent phone call or a traffic jam or something like that.

 

Black lies: like you hurt somebody with your lies.

 

I dont believe everybody is cheating or spying on their partners, but this is a message board where you come for advice when you feel troubled. So you are prone to hear more of the "bad" stuff here, then the good.

 

Its a bit like the news. We tend to report more about tragedies, violence, crime and so on, then about happy events, those dont seem news worthy. So if you only listen to the news, the world seems a big bad place and life is not secure at all.

 

Actually - even though we hear more about crimes and from allover the world - the world is much more secure now then it used to be. Just go back to the Middle Ages (in Europe) or the Wild West (in the States). The highways were in the hands of robbers, the landlords bruttaly exploited the people, going from one town to another you had to go with an armed caravan if you wanted to get there alive, unhurt and still in possesion of your goods. The little accidents of everyday life endangered your life, if you were lucky you just lost a limb. Every family lost a couple kids to infections or famine, many mothers died in childbed, the fathers working the mines were lucky to get to the ripe old age of 40. There were wars and feuds all the time, and the victorious armies raped the women and the land. There was no justice for the poor, just for the powerful.

 

If we are in an unhappy relationsship we can get out and find another relationsship - you couldnt do that in the past, even if the husband drank away all the wages, beat up wife and children and raped his wife (and even the kids) on a regular base, she had to stay or so the churches said and who didnt would be a social outcast.

 

I am happy to live in our times. I have had bad experiences in the past - like everybody else - but I am very happy now. I have a wonderful loving boyfriend, three healthy, smart and loving kids, I am healthy, I have work and I love life and this earth and I am very grateful for all I have been blessed with. Actually I am even grateful for the bad times, they have made me the better and stronger person and make me realise how much I do have to be grateful for.

 

There is no light without shadow, lets just concentrate more on the light instead of being obsessed with the shadow.

[Laurynn]

I agree with you Tony...and I've wondered the same things myself. Over the past 5 years I've had a computer/internet access, my eyes have been truly opened to what goes on out there in the world. It's mind-boggling at times. Dishonesty and deceit seem to run rampant and it's really very sad. Has it always been like this or are we just more aware of it now that we have forums such as these?

 

I think a lot of it boils down to a blatant lack of respect for one another. Look at the divorce rate, for instance.....people are getting divorced left, right and center. What happened to those vows of "for better or for worse"?..or "til death do us part"?..or "forsaking all others"?..or "in good times and in bad"? A lack of respect and a lack of commitment to one another. And a lot of focus on instant self gratification......the old "do whatever makes you feel good" attitude...with little regard for the feelings of others.

 

It's a very disposable world/society we live in......and many see people in their lives as disposable, too. There seems to be a real lack of moral conscience, as well (IMO). There often times doesn't seem to be any consideration for what's "right or wrong."

 

People cheat, lie, deceive, misrepresent, lie by omission, tell tales, sneak around having cybersex or are married yet surfing around the Single's Personals and looking for someone else......it's depressing if you let it be.

 

I used to be a very trusting person.....I think because I was raised by parents who taught me to always tell the truth. Somehow I went into adulthood assuming that everyone else was the same. Over the years, I've learned that that's just not true. I'm no longer the trusting person I used to be. I'm not extremely analytical, cynical, skeptical and I have a hard time trusting men in general. It is because I'm some nutbar? No haha.....it's because I've found that time and time again, men lie.

 

I don't mean to specifically single out men, but seeing how I'm a woman, I only know about men. I'm sure there are female liars and scammers out there, too.....

 

But anyway, I think a lot of it comes down, again, to the fact that we live in a world where there is so much less respect for one another. If we all treated people in our lives like our "best friends", I'm sure there would be a lot more respect and a lot less lies, half-truths, hurts and betrayals. Look at kids today.....killing each other, into gangs, no respect for their elders or other people's property....I'd say a good part of that comes from their upbringing...where they just weren't taught Respect.

 

In light of all this, I really think that if you're a single person these days, it truly pays to check things out when it comes to dating someone. Better to find out early on that you have yourself a lying dog than to invest a few months or longer....

 

L