Originally Posted by cheatedongirl76
My boyfriend of nearly four years who I am so in love with dumped me. He has been pretty harsh, no contact, I am just DUMPED and that's it, like I am nothing. He fed me some line about how he's not able to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Now I think about it I'm pretty sure he was cheating and found someone else. He cheated before and I stupidly took him back, all he signs were there again. Hence the login name. I feel mostly angry.
I have started dating again and its a disaster. The first guy seemed really into me, we didn't have sex but kissed and have chatted loads and made all these plans to go away on a holiday etc. I have known him for years and he has always flirted with me but for whatever reason I was never able to take him up on it until now. When I first saw him he said he had been seeing some girl but he said it was basically over and he was going to break it off immediately...but then one day he came around to my house and announced he was moving in with this other girl(?) and ditched me saying "sorry I didn't mean to lead you on". Sorry but your tongue down my throat was kind of misleading?! I felt upset but again mostly angry.
So moving on... I started dating a new guy who had really been massively into me when I wasn't available (bc I was in a relationship and being faithful to my cheating jerk ex). This time I found I was so really into him and really started to hope for something to happen between us. When we first go together he had been seeing someone else casually but he was single and wanted to go out with me to see if he still felt the same. I was quite wary about it and was quite careful to make sure he was truly single and available and he gave me his word. After a couple of dates we have sex which was amazing but he was acting a bit weird and not his usual self. Then last night we go out and he is acting aloof and standoffish.. I check out my feelings with him to make sure I'm not being paranoid...and he says he doesn't want a relationship, is worried about "leading me on" and doesn't know if he is able to be in a relationship right now. When I ask him about it he confesses he is still seeing this other person "casually", whatever that means?
This time I feel absolutely crushed. It's like there is a pattern here, three men all treating me the same, even saying the exact same things to me?? I feel so rejected. How is it I can't find a good relationship, when all my friends are coupled up, many married by now? Friends + family say I'm hot and nice and funny, I don't get it? I'm 32 so I'm clear that I would like a relationship but I am not at all a bunny boiler or psycho etc. The only link I can see is that in each case there was a reason to be suspicious and perhaps I was too trusting. But I think its only fair to give a person the benefit of the doubt if they promise and swear its all above board surely? It takes a pretty nasty two-faced person to be all loving to your face and then go behind your back like these guys did to me? I don't want to be an overly paranoid person or one of these women who thinks men are such b*stards or unfaithful weak cowards. Am I just being too naieve? I just wish all these women weren't stealing men away from me and I could meet someone nice, where are all the nice guys?! Probably at home crying after being hurt some b*stard girl!!
It's all about the position you put yourself in.
You took back a cheater.. you were aware that the consequences of that could be that he'd cheat on you again. While I'm not justifying his cheating, I'm just saying you made a choice.
You then started dating someone that told you he was in a relationship.. "basically over," isn't OVER. People pull that all the time.. "Well, I'm getting out of this relationship.. so we should just start seeing each other now!" Don't allow that to happen to you. Either a guy is single or he's not, there is no "basically." It sounds like he wanted to test things out with you to see if it was worth leaving his girlfriend for, and clearly he decided it wasn't.
The next guy, again, "seeing someone casually," is still seeing someone. Whether they're not committed to labels yet, you have to know that other girl is in your exact same position.. hoping something is going to happen.
Why are you blaming the women here? They didn't steal ANYTHING from you. Your boyfriend decided to cheat.. he made that choice. You knew UPFRONT that both of these other guys were seeing other people. Hell, to their girlfriends, you're probably the "other woman."
This is just my opinion here: when you get cheated on consistently, there usually is a pattern to the kind of people you date. In your case you took back a cheater [I'm sorry you even had to go through with that, but you knew the possibility of it happening again is always very real.. I knew it too in my relationship and still took him back, shame on me,] then you went after two guys who told you from the get-go they were seeing someone else. While, sure, they're in the wrong for leading you on and being all lovey with you, but you had to realize they were doing the SAME THING with someone else.
You said maybe you were being naive, and I have to agree with that [again none of this is meant as offensive, I'm hoping it's more constructive than anything.] When dating, find someone single, who is JUST seeing you, and take it VERY slow. Build trust. Stop giving people the "benefit of the doubt." Trust is earned, not something that is given away fully until they break it.