Accused of being unfaithful...

[INNOCENT]

Sigh... At the beginning of my current relationship, there was a lot of uncertainties and tension. I had no idea where it was headed and if he was serious about me. We'll be chatting happily 1 min and the next min (if the topic venture onto shaky ground) the tension would become almost unbearable. We were unable to trust each other at first. He would always tell me that's he at work but sometimes I think it's not true. On the other hand, he would feel insecure and be suspicious of me.

 

It took us a long time to finally get to where we are now. I really love him and I know he feels the same about me too. We've been together for almost a year. However something from the 'uncertain stage' has come back to haunt us.

 

Once, we had a disagreement and out of anger and thinking that I was 'getting back' at him, I accepted his male colleague's offer to fix something in my house, who turned out to be a creep and tried to take advantage of me! Luckily nothing happened but I never dared to tell my guy abt the incident even when he asked me about it.

 

So we lived happily for awhile until one day, the creep told my guy all kind of horrible lies and that he slept with me! I was devastated and humilated and I begged for forgiveness.

 

I am totally innocent and would never have done a thing like that. We managed to sort things out but every once so often he'll remember 'it' & the horrible tension wld come back. We've quarelled over this matter a few times almost to the brink of breaking up.

 

How can I convince him that I am innocent? I've suggested a face-to-face confrontation with the creep but my guy did not want that. Please advise me on what to do! I do not want a silly mistake like this to ruin the happiest relationship in my life! I AM INNOCENT!!

[arthropod98]

sorry, but the simple fact is that you CAN'T prove your innocence . . . that is up to your boyfriend. all you can do is tell him exactly WHAT you did, and WHY you did it -- the rest is up to him. you need to give up on trying to find some way to make him believe you, cause you simply can't!

 

this "getting back" attitude is simply not healthy. if there are issues or things that upset you, you must bring them up . . . or, this is the kind of thing that happens.

Sigh... At the beginning of my current relationship, there was a lot of uncertainties and tension. I had no idea where it was headed and if he was serious about me. We'll be chatting happily 1 min and the next min (if the topic venture onto shaky ground) the tension would become almost unbearable. We were unable to trust each other at first. He would always tell me that's he at work but sometimes I think it's not true. On the other hand, he would feel insecure and be suspicious of me. It took us a long time to finally get to where we are now. I really love him and I know he feels the same about me too. We've been together for almost a year. However something from the 'uncertain stage' has come back to haunt us. Once, we had a disagreement and out of anger and thinking that I was 'getting back' at him, I accepted his male colleague's offer to fix something in my house, who turned out to be a creep and tried to take advantage of me! Luckily nothing happened but I never dared to tell my guy abt the incident even when he asked me about it. So we lived happily for awhile until one day, the creep told my guy all kind of horrible lies and that he slept with me! I was devastated and humilated and I begged for forgiveness. I am totally innocent and would never have done a thing like that. We managed to sort things out but every once so often he'll remember 'it' & the horrible tension wld come back. We've quarelled over this matter a few times almost to the brink of breaking up. How can I convince him that I am innocent? I've suggested a face-to-face confrontation with the creep but my guy did not want that. Please advise me on what to do! I do not want a silly mistake like this to ruin the happiest relationship in my life! I AM INNOCENT!!

[midori]

How strange. What an evil cretin your guy's colleague is. But I don't understand why you would beg for forgiveness -- do you mean that you never told your guy in the first place that the co-worker had come over, or do you mean you'd kept the come-on from him?

 

If your guy is inclined to believe a story his co-worker tells him over what his girlfriend tells him, I don't think he's got a fundamental trust of you -- and I don't think that's just because of this incident. I can't even begin to speculate the what's & why's of your situation because your rapport with your boyfriend is the gradual accrual of a year's worth of interactions. If this is something that's been a long time coming -- whether that has to do with his mistrust of you specifically, or something less direct, like him looking for a convenient out of the relationship -- then you're dealing with something bigger and more difficult than this silly lie. If it really is just the lie itself then you should calmly talk to him about it. Own up to undertaking a petty & misguided act of "revenge" and explain what happened. Don't accept blame that's not yours and don't apologize for having been harassed! Maybe this colleague has issues with your boyfriend and you were a convenient way of getting to him. I'm just guessing here. The person you should be having this conversation with is your boyfriend.

 

Good luck!