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Being taken for a ride?


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Ruffedupguy

Ive been with this girl for 5 months now. Prior to our relationship, she had a crush on a guy she had known for a few years. I knew about this but it didnt bother me. I also knew they would flirt ALL the time on the internet. Again this didn't bother me at the time. They never actually made anything of it, I think it was just banter tbh. But she told me they had very crude converations.

 

When we started dating, she told me that she had a very 'liberal past'. And that the guy she flirted with online, didn't mean anythhing to her. So I said no problem.

 

However, I was looking for something meaningful, I don't do one night stands...so I was looking for a relationship. And so was she, so we hit off.

 

I recently found out that she had been talking to him still, not flirting but still chatting via emails etc because she told me. What she didn't tell me was the subject matter.

 

Now this is where I show myself as being bit uneasy about why she was still talking to him. She left herself signed on on the PC, and I saw 2 emails from him from when we started going out (About 3 weeks into it)

 

He said

 

"Good luck with the new guy, let's hope your face doesn't put him off"

 

 

She replied

 

"It's ok he's blind, it's the only way I can get any anyway".

 

 

Im a bit stumped tbh, I can't work out if she is joking or just...well, using me to get some. This is something I didn't expect her to say in such a way. I havent told her I have seen this, but I don't feel very comfortable in how she viewed our realtionship.

 

What do you guys think? :confused:

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Wow.

 

She must have a really low self-esteem or a weird sense of humour.

 

Good luck with the new guy, let's hope your face doesn't put him off

 

I would feel very insulted if anybody said this to me (actually happened, but that's another story). It's mean, harsh and sounds as if the person who said it tried to hurt her on purpose.

 

Her response could have been an attempt to be self-ironic (to pretend she didn't care) or painfully self-aware. However, it doesn't show that she appreciates you very much. You should talk to her. You don't need to tell her you checked her mail (but if she asks, be honest) just ask her what she sees in you and in the relationships. Observe how she reacts and what she says. Take it from there.

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Ruffedupguy

Well I don't think he meant it harshly, he was having a joke, I mean they have known each other for years. I think she understood the joke. But I mean why would she say that about us?

 

Why would she say anything about getting "any" anyway? What does that have to do with ANYTHING?

 

Thanks for the reply!

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I would be more concerned that she constantly connecting with a former lover. A person that is interested in a committed relationship would not constantly staying in constant contact with a former lover. You seem to be way too accommodating to her behavior. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions indicate that she has a great deal of disrespect for you and your relationship. She sounds like she is still a player. I would seriously think twice about getting serious with a girl that will not let go of past lovers. She is disrespecting you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

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It seems pretty innocent. It looks almost like brother-sister banter (my sister and I were cruel to eachother and still are)

 

Don't worry about it. "Getting any" is just her being tongue-in-cheek. Don't let something silly like this bother you

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theobserver

We all talk differently to different people we know. Especially if they have known eachother for some time. Plus this was 3 weeks in as you say maybe she wasn't sure if you were taking this relationship as seriously and despite your talk before hand of wanting a true relationship maybe she wasn't sure if she was just getting played.

 

I remember reading an email by chance my girlfriend sent to her friend saying she wasn't sure if I was just with her for sex and convinience (low self-esteem at the time) 3 years later though I'm still here for the long run. Just saying you'd be surprised what people are really thinking and they let loose to close friends.

 

 

This does however seem merely a joke between buddies history or not.

I'd be more concern if there were emails talking about meeting up, or several phone calls to eachother daily that's a cause for concern.

Keep an eye open and raise your guard but don't let this eat up at you it will make you sick.

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Sal Paradise

Personally I won't get involved with anyone who keeps exes or former lovers in their life.

 

That said, this email exchange seems pretty innocent.

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