Bree2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Ok, me and my best friend have always had a sexual connection. Well, we've done it twice now. He has a girlfriend, and I don't really want to be his girlfriend. I love being his friend. I love flirting with him, and talking, but I don't want a relationship. I just got out of a horrible marriage and I'm not ready for another one. He's just nice to talk to, and have the occasional late nighter. Well, the problem is, I've done pretty good about keeping my feelings out of it. I know I don't want to be with him. But I don't want him with his girlfriend. She's horrible to him. I wish he'd leave her alone. There are times I want to say, just leave her alone, I'll take care of you. We've always agreed to keep "Love" feelings out of our relationship. I talk to him almost everyday. But how do you really keep romantic feelings out of a relationship when you're being romantic with someone. He says we're best friends with benefits. I've tried to stop talking to him and seeing him, but I just can't. There's a part of me that NEEDS to talk to him. Everytime I think, I'm just going to leave him to his girlfriend, he's so wonderful to me, and I can't leave him alone. He wrote me a message the other day that said I just want you to know I love you and you're a good friend. What is that supposed to mean? That doesn't make sense. I was fine with our relationship until he wrote that. Now I'm confused. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 You're helping him cheat on his girlfriend...Stop having sex with him. Friends with benefits only works when two people are UNattached, not committed to someone else. Sorry but what you are doing and what he is doing is WRONG. Feelings are developing, you know it and so does he. Whether or not he's inlove with you, YOU BOTH are emotionally attached to eachother. Tell him goodbye and stay strong...Do not cave if he calls you and asks you for more sex, or to hang out...You two are not bestfriends, you never were...If you were, you never would have allowed him to have sex with you while he had a girlfriend. You enabled him to cheat on her and ruined the platonic friendship between the two of you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 I don't really want to be his girlfriend. I love being his friend. I love flirting with him, and talking, but I don't want a relationship. But, then below you say: I was fine with our relationship If he is so unhappy with his girlfriend, he'll end it. Do you actually see firsthand how she treats him, or is he just telling you this? I honestly wouldn't believe him because he'll say whatever to make sure you feel for him, like she's the evil one and he's done nothing wrong...Uhhh, yeah. He's cheating on HER!!! There is no excuse for him to do that, if he is hating the relationship with her, then he should end it. Not cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
BklynGuy Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 This is true. I had a good female friend for 5 years. We were always attracted to eachother but were both involved with others when we met. We had sex one night at a party when we were both drunk. The platonic friendship was over and had changed for good. Now she's gotten used to coming around every now & then when she wants some or is just looking for some company. It was better before I slept with her because it just feels somewhat awkward now. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 He's a cake eater. He wants his gf and he wants sex with you on the side. He doesn't sound like anyone's friend, much less yours, for using you for some 'benefits', and for putting you in the position of being his Other Woman. Is that what you want in your life - the lying, sneaking around, the waiting around for him? If you don't want a relationship, there are plenty of guys out there without girlfriends who would be up for casual sex and going out and having fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Believe me, this does not work. Close friends are one thing and a tough thing to maintain when there is a serious relationship going on. It takes mature people to even have close friends of the opposite sex. You cannot kep this up for both of your sides. You need to dedicate your emotions and physical self to your SO. Doing "FUN" things is one thing. Why is your SO not involved in those "FUN" things. I have been through this, you or he cannot have any other kind of relationship with others because you have the safety nets of what you are saying here. For both of your lifes sake, just dedicate your fun to your SO. The contact is a bad thing and the sex is a terrible act when you are in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bree2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 I do know his girlfriend. She used to be one of my friends, but like I said, she's horrible. He wants out of his relationship, but he has a baby with her and he's afraid she won't let him see his baby, just being mean. He doesn't love her. Like I said, we are still best friends. We talk about EVERYTHING. He just doesn't want to flat out leave her before he's completely sure he can't work the relationship out, for that baby. He's a really good person. Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 So do you think it is in the best interest of a child to be in a home where the parents do not love each other and are off cheating and having their emotional and physical needs met elsewhere. That child will feel abandoned and you know it. For the sake of the child, he needs to grow some balls and make a decision. I am sure he is a "good person". But he needs to make a move to what he wants. Not both. No man can serve two masters. p.s. See how close he stands by you and tell him you can be friends, but there is no way you can have sex with him. Just throw that out and see how that sticks to the wall. I dare you to try that. Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 I do know his girlfriend. She used to be one of my friends, but like I said, she's horrible. He wants out of his relationship, but he has a baby with her and he's afraid she won't let him see his baby, just being mean. He doesn't love her. Like I said, we are still best friends. We talk about EVERYTHING. He just doesn't want to flat out leave her before he's completely sure he can't work the relationship out, for that baby. He's a really good person. That is for the courts to decide, if he's a worthy parent to have shared custody, just like it's up to the courts if she is a worthy parent. It's not up to the GF. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bree2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 Y'all just don't understand. I was in an abusive relationship. My husband when we started dating acted like I was an angel. He would do anything for me. Then we got married and he changed. He acted like he hated me. I was with him for 5 years. It's nice to feel wanted and loved when you haven't gotten it in so long. It's nice to talk to a guy who CARES. Who wants the best for me and me for him. I think, yes, he's developing true feelings for me, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. I love his baby girl. My baby and his baby are the same age. She loves me. She runs up to me and loves on me everytime I see her. Our babies get along so well. Me and him connect on EVERY level and it's hard for me to see what he's going through because I was just in it. But my husband was doing it to me and she's doing it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
EDDO Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Are you friggin kidding? You are actually trying to justify having sex, flirting and everything else you two are doing together? I dont care what the circumstances are but when 2 people are in a relationship good or bad, STAY OUT OF IT. If it is that bad, he will leave it no matter what. You think she is this and that, but are you with both of them 24/7? Do you know her side because there is always 2 sides to every story. Maybe it is that bad for him, well then he should leave first, then do whatever you two are doing. Do you know what it is like to be with someone that has cheated on you?? Its devasting to the other, its devasting!!!! That is for the rest of you out there that are thinking about it or have done it already, whats the matter with this world?? What you are doing is wrong wrong wrong !!!! Stay out of it until he is single, if he ever chooses to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Are you friggin kidding? You are actually trying to justify having sex, flirting and everything else you two are doing together? I dont care what the circumstances are but when 2 people are in a relationship good or bad, STAY OUT OF IT. If it is that bad, he will leave it no matter what. Stay out of it until he is single, if he ever chooses to do that. I agree. What you are actually doing is enabling him to stay. He has a foot in each boat and is ok there right now. Take your boat and leave. Paddle away. If it is so bad let hjim decide what he needs without the confusion you are bringing him. Please for everyones sake, including yours; row row row your boat..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bree2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 well, thanks y'all. I'm not sure I can, but I'll try. Link to post Share on other sites
EDDO Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Well I dont mean to be mean but if you dont stay out of it, you should be ashamed of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 well, thanks y'all. I'm not sure I can, but I'll try. Believe me, it is hard. More than likely the hardest thing you will do because you do not have negatives that are driving you to. Again, for everyones sake, back off. Like the Police song says, If you love someone, set them free....." Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 And another Quote to go on for a mantra: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. Richard Bach Link to post Share on other sites
Paradiselost Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 Are you friggin kidding? You are actually trying to justify having sex, flirting and everything else you two are doing together? I dont care what the circumstances are but when 2 people are in a relationship good or bad, STAY OUT OF IT. If it is that bad, he will leave it no matter what. You think she is this and that, but are you with both of them 24/7? Do you know her side because there is always 2 sides to every story. Maybe it is that bad for him, well then he should leave first, then do whatever you two are doing. Do you know what it is like to be with someone that has cheated on you?? Its devasting to the other, its devasting!!!! That is for the rest of you out there that are thinking about it or have done it already, whats the matter with this world?? What you are doing is wrong wrong wrong !!!! Stay out of it until he is single, if he ever chooses to do that. I agree wholeheartedly with Eddo. It makes me sick how girls feel they have "rights" over their best male friend, or male friends at that and have complete disregard for the poor other girl in the relationship. STAY OUT of it, it is difficult enough to have a loving , trusting relationship without people like you hanging around in the background pretending to be his "friend", and his girlfriend actually believes this and trusts you guys hanging around together. Do you know just how hurt and betrayed she will feel when she finds out he has been sleeping with his so-called "best friend". If you truely had his best interests at heart, you would respect his current relationship and leave him alone to make his own decisions . I hope I never encounter someone who is capable of doing what you are doing. You should be ashamed of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Paradiselost Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I agree wholeheartedly with Eddo. It makes me sick how girls feel they have "rights" over their best male friend, or male friends at that and have complete disregard for the poor other girl in the relationship. STAY OUT of it, it is difficult enough to have a loving , trusting relationship without people like you hanging around in the background pretending to be his "friend", and his girlfriend actually believes this and trusts you guys hanging around together. Do you know just how hurt and betrayed she will feel when she finds out he has been sleeping with his so-called "best friend". If you truely had his best interests at heart, you would respect his current relationship and leave him alone to make his own decisions . I hope I never encounter someone who is capable of doing what you are doing. You should be ashamed of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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