dejangex Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 My gf cheated on me. Im 18 and she is 16. We had a long distance relatioship for about 6 months now, and she lives about 3h by bus from me, but in another country. We had a great relationship and could talk about anything, it was almost prefect. She alyways said that she loves me to the sky and I always told her that I love her and care for her. We couldnt really see eachother much because of scool and other stuff but every time we saw eachother it was amazing. She even spent 6 days with me in my house. She was the first girl Ive kissed, but she had previous boyfriends. We saw eachother 4 times maybe for few days but we talked on MSN and Skype every day and exchanged buch of SMS every day. We didnt sleep together but we were always talking about it and we planned to do it next time we see eachother. When we were startin out she said that she would never cheat on me because she not like that and she could never find someone like me. I told her I would never cheat on her and I never did. Also I said that if she ever cheated on me, even a kiss, it will be over. She always told me how faitfull she was to me when some guys were hitting on her in the club. We had our rough times but we managed to solve all of our problems. I was always worried when she told me she was going out because I knew she was going to drink and I was affraid that she could do something stupid. One week before we were supposed to see eachother she was invited to her best gf birthday and I've got a text message from her saying how she cant go one without me anymore and that I need her tonight. I replied that we will see eachother in 7 days and that she doesnt drink, but instead wait for me to come and we will drink together and that I love her. After that, she did not replied anything. Tommorow afternoon I've recieved a txt msg from her that our relationship is not going to work and we are both suffering. I calmed her down saying we will be able to see more after I start going to colledge. She replied a similar message like the first and I tryed to calm her down again. Then she send me to come to MSN and that she must confess me something. She said that she got drunk and kissed a friend of hers girlfriends boyfriend, that she was thinking of me all the time and she thought that it was me but when she realized that it wasnt, she chased him away. She claims that it meant nothing to her, it was just a kiss on the lips, and that she loves me, and always will. I said that its over and I never want to see her again, talk to her or have anything with her. She said that she will come to see me again when all this settles down, but I said I never want to see her. Its been 2 days and no responce from her, not even a SMS. I love her so much and Im suffering but I cant think of anything else but her kissing that guy and destroying everything we had. I did everything for her, gave her everything and pleased her in every way. What should I do? I beleve that she will cheat me again if I give her the chance even though she said the she would never do it again. She also said that whe will quit smoking 3 times but she smoked even more. I cant trust her like before. Am I too hard on her? What am I doing wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 Im 18 and she is 16. Ohmigosh! So young! I learnt from my experince - Once they cheat will always cheat. They repeat the same paterns. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 Ah,... these are immature youngsters folks. The girl is still a child at sixteen. "kissing" makes a young girl a lifelong "cheater"? Why is this important? Let kids be kids. There's enough time for marriage, having children, responsibility etc. in the years to come! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dejangex Posted July 11, 2007 Author Share Posted July 11, 2007 el coIt was a just a quick kiss on a party when the light was turned off and everybody did it. She said she did not initiated it but she didnt push him away instantly and that was why she felt like she cheated on me. Her friends were to blame too I think. They dressed her up the way she didnt really like, and set up the whole thing. Her friends dont like me at all but still, she is the one that failed the test of staying true. I still dont know what is going to happen. She wants me to come to her place and she doesnt want to come to me because she cant look anyone she knows here in the eyes. I would feel like a fool to come to her, but still I will think about it. Tnx everyone, and post more tips if u can please Link to post Share on other sites
ash519 Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 She did cheat on you...but she also told you. Me and the bf just discussed this and I was trying to make the point that no matter how much a the cheater regrets it...they made the mistake, they owe their partner the truth about what happen so that that person can make the decision of whether or not to stay. In this situation i know the last thing you want to hear is how young you both are, so i will skirt that issue. She didnt think this boy was you, but it does sound like a stupid mistake...so the only question is, can you trust her again? Link to post Share on other sites
VirtualInsanity Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 You can do better. Don't spend countless hours dealing w/ drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Jasmine8719 Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Im going to be blunt...Dont stay with her.First of you dont break up with someone over a text..Second people know exactly what there doing when there drunk In terms of keeping there morals and staying faithful being drunk is never an excuse for cheating. Your going to be going to college and meet alot of people. If she has kissed another guy and its only been six months your just asking for trouble by staying with her...its not worth the hurt...you'll be okay..you deserve better -Jasmine Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Dej, Her friends dont like you. They are constantly going to be pushing her away from you. Is she hanging with a bad crowd? If they drink or drug, get her away. Otherwise try to make friends with her friends. Its going to make your life easier. I'm not sure what to tell you about her cheating. I'd do a little research and see how well she knows the guy and see if they will be hanging out alot. Link to post Share on other sites
chaos40 Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 She said that she got drunk and kissed a friend of hers girlfriends boyfriend, that she was thinking of me all the time and she thought that it was me but when she realized that it wasnt, she chased him away. She claims that it meant nothing to her, it was just a kiss on the lips, and that she loves me, and always will. Sure. Hey, I'm part of a really good multilevel marketing scam *AHEM* business. You want in? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dejangex Posted July 12, 2007 Author Share Posted July 12, 2007 Dej, Her friends dont like you. They are constantly going to be pushing her away from you. Is she hanging with a bad crowd? If they drink or drug, get her away. Otherwise try to make friends with her friends. Its going to make your life easier. I'm not sure what to tell you about her cheating. I'd do a little research and see how well she knows the guy and see if they will be hanging out alot. Well, I dont think her friends will ever like me, because its not about me. Its about where I come from. They drink alot and smoke cigars and I said to her that she should not be friends with them or at least make distance. As for the guy she saw him a couple times, they takled a little at the party(her best friends birthday) and he kissed her. She said that she didnt like it and when he asked for her cellphone number she said no. She doesnt want to have anything with him. After that when she started crying her "friends" laughed at her. I dont think she will be hainging with him any time. They are not friends. Thank you all for replies, I really helps Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 Well, I dont think her friends will ever like me, because its not about me. Its about where I come from. They drink alot and smoke cigars and I said to her that she should not be friends with them or at least make distance. I tried that once, tell her that she shouldn't be friends with the friends she is with. That never works. As for the guy she saw him a couple times, they takled a little at the party(her best friends birthday) and he kissed her. She said that she didnt like it and when he asked for her cellphone number she said no. Uhm ok, so she kissed him and didn't like it? What would have happened if she did? Are you going to wait until she finds someone she enjoys kissing? I know its hard to hear this stuff, but reality is, alcohol, partying and long distance relationships don't mix. This is a perfect example why. I know you hate hearing this, but you're young. Learn from this experience and move on. Because now it will hurt a little, the longer it goes on, it hurts alot. She doesnt want to have anything with him. After that when she started crying her "friends" laughed at her. I dont think she will be hainging with him any time. Mine told me she was helping him through his tough times because his wife had Cancer. That's why she was chatting with him. Until I found out they made out at a bar on a work team evening outting. I'm not saying she is lieing to you, I'm just saying be careful. Love can make you blind. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona76 Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 Ohmigosh! So young! I learnt from my experince - Once they cheat will always cheat. They repeat the same paterns. At 16? Get of your "CHEATING" stage. She's only 16. She shouldn't have been drinking. Most of all she's your first GF and very likely this isn't going to be the "forever" thing. I would probably never have admitted to kissing another but she was honest with you. She also wanted to know your opinion, and see if there was any jealousy. Jealousy can be destructive. It can also build. I wouldn't want my guy to go and beat up someone, but I would want to know he cares enough to stick up and defend my honor. Let her know you were hurt. Let her know your feelings are important too. Move on and drop the subject. Don't discuss it anymore. IF it happens again then tell her it's time that the both of you move on, that your feelings and hers aren't matched. Link to post Share on other sites
zeldazelda Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 deleted and started my own thread Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 Zelda, The point is that alcohol only lowers your inhibitions. Its not going to make you do something you didnt want to do in the first place, its just going to make the decision easier for you. Dejang, What do you mean they dont like where you come from? Can she get along with your friends? Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 Zelda, The point is that alcohol only lowers your inhibitions. Its not going to make you do something you didnt want to do in the first place, its just going to make the decision easier for you. This is oh so true. I have seen it in practice and have been a victim of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dejangex Posted July 12, 2007 Author Share Posted July 12, 2007 Zelda, The point is that alcohol only lowers your inhibitions. Its not going to make you do something you didnt want to do in the first place, its just going to make the decision easier for you. Dejang, What do you mean they dont like where you come from? Can she get along with your friends? My friends are ok, but the problem with hers friends is my nationality. She and I are the same, but they have accepted her and Im the new guy. She says she will not be hanging with them as much as she did, and she quit smoking and drinking. She didnt smoke for 5 days aready. I need time to figure can I give forgivness Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 Ah,... these are immature youngsters folks. The girl is still a child at sixteen. "kissing" makes a young girl a lifelong "cheater"? Why is this important? Let kids be kids. There's enough time for marriage, having children, responsibility etc. in the years to come! I agree totally...they are way to young to be think of committment, in my opinion! But I realize at that age I don't think they quite know how much opportunity is ahead of them... Link to post Share on other sites
zeldazelda Posted July 13, 2007 Share Posted July 13, 2007 This is oh so true. I have seen it in practice and have been a victim of it. and for some people, it's also so not true. it doesn't matter how hurt you are, or how badly you feel you've been treated, the fact is that sometime people don't know what they're doing at all when they're doing it. it's called blacking out. if it hasn't happened to you, then no, you can't understand it, but that doesn't mean that you can say it doesn't happen, since you obviously don't know much about it. not all drinkers are responsible drinkers. anyway, as other people have said, if you can't drink and still control yourself, you probably shouldn't drink while in a relationship. and because alcohol IS a factor in making poor decisions, anyone can choose to date non-drinkers only. anyway, i started my own thread on this, but it only seemed fair to respond to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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