...is he playing mind games??

[marie evans]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I need some advice and opinions. About a year ago a coworker started to show interest in me. We are both married. And want to keep it that way. It started when HE started dropping hints about being interested in me. I at first did not react but over time after he continued to peruse I started flirting back. It went from just talk to physical. And I was on cloud 9 and felt WONDERFUL about myself. We became extremely attracted to each other and though we had not at this point had sex we wanted it bad and would often talk about getting together. We had a lot of closed-door meetings with a lot of touching and feeling. 8 months ago we finally did what both of us wanted so much (again this was never a love thing but more of an infatuation). He continued to pursue me and on a business trip we got together again. After the business trip things changed so it seemed to me. I am extremely comfortable with pursuing him now, which I was a little shy before…kind of like a Pandora’s box has been open. I feel that he has stopped. He is not making contact like once before no more looks, no more touching, I plan a meeting and he makes excuses…When I ask him (which is often) if he still wants to continue he says YES…don’t you???!! I say yes of course. The last encounter (which did not happen) I said…. I’m going to stop this…he said I don’t want you to and that the “stars” are just not alined and it will happen. I said you do not pay attention to me as you once did and he said it is all in my head… I am of the personality if I don’t get what I want I often push harder to get an answer which I feel I am not getting…I cant get it out of my mind and when it does not happen I start to think something is wrong with me or what did I do... many many emotions sink in. Again I ask are you interested and he continues to say he is very much…why cant I take that for what it is worth? He seems nervous about doing the things we did behind closed doors, which he has not in the past. Says he does not want to get caught (did not seem to bother him before). Is he playing mind games with me? Do you think he is still interested? How should I continue? I feel I need to back off but just can’t seem to detach myself and I run conversations in my head that we have had we have had over and over again. Is he telling me these things to avoid conflict or upsetting me? When I say I ask him about it a lot, I do. Probably two or three times a week. HELP…need some answers and advise……… [/sIZE][/FONT]

[Enema]

Perhaps it's Karma for being a horrible person/wife.

 

He got what he wanted, wasn't all he thought it would be so is backing off.

 

If you want to continue seeing other people, divorce your husband.

[marie evans]

Thanks...you made me feel so much better.....

[torranceshipman]

To be fair Marie, you're going to get flamed if you ask for help/sympathy as to how to continue cheating on your H...I agree with the other poster, if you want to date/have flings with other people, D your H, as right now you stand to hurt a lot of people.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

And I was on cloud 9 and felt WONDERFUL about myself.

 

I can tell you that what ever fills you up has the exact potential to bring you down.

 

As for him pulling back when you started to show more interest... see, men like to chase, its a game, can I get in her pants, its an ego feed for them (as well as it is for you AEB your above statement.) How far he or you will take it is anyone guess. Since you are both married, I don't assume either will be begging the other to leave. Have you thought about what you want or expect from this? How it will end or will it carry on indefinetely?

 

You said that you asked him why his attitudes had changed toward you and he denied that they had. OHHHH.... the manipulations begins. The best advice I can give you as far as interpreting his intentions is to put earplugs in your ears. Assume he his speaking another language, MEN SPEAK WITH THEIR ACTIONS, always. His actions tell you everything you need to know, when his words don't equal his actions then he is manipulating you. PERIOD. PARAGRAPH.

[littlepiggy1]

To be fair Marie, you're going to get flamed if you ask for help/sympathy as to how to continue cheating on your H...I agree with the other poster, if you want to date/have flings with other people, D your H, as right now you stand to hurt a lot of people.

 

Yup. I have a lot of things to say after reading the OP, but I think I should bite my tongue. They're rather harsh.

[chaos40]

These are not the droids you're looking for

 

oh, before I forget, you're a real piece of work

[lorr]

IMHO you are an absolute joke. Why don't you make an effort with your husband instead of chasing a guy who's just blantantly using you for sex and who sees you as a fool.

If you don't want to work on your marriage then divorce your husband.

[littlepiggy1]

If you don't want to work on your marriage then divorce your husband.

 

But she said, "We are both married. And want to keep it that way."

 

Because CHEATING WITH COWORKERS is the best way to stay married of course.

[Mustang Sally]

Original question: Is he playing mind-games?

Answer: YES

[chaos40]

the following text is taken directly from the scumbag manual chapter 2 page 23. it states

 

When your SO is not providing EVERYTHING you've ever wanted, want or will ever want it is OK to find it somewhere else. You should do this regardless of whether or not you a providing them ANY of the things they want. What counts is you and only you. Your SO is simply a disposable object put on this earth to guarantee you ultimate happiness and cater to your every whim. It is always ok to use anyone you come in contact with for anything you can get out of them. Always remember thier feelings are irrelevant and insignificant in comparison to the greater good which is the satisfaction of your every wish and desire.

 

I see where she's coming from... I really do.

[lorr]

But she said, "We are both married. And want to keep it that way."

 

Because CHEATING WITH COWORKERS is the best way to stay married of course.

 

Sometimes I wonder why people bother to get married when they go on like their still leading the single life?

[Bree]

yeah i agree with chaos, I understand i really do! "Note sarcasim"

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Sometimes I wonder why people bother to get married when they go on like their still leading the single life?

 

 

I think because its expected, the thing to do. They seem to view marriage as simply a living arrangement. There is a you and me but not an us. The concept of a "union" is foreign to them. They do not cherish, value, nor hold sacred the "marriage covenant". Maybe it is defined by their own parents relationship and is just a learned behavior. Probably not a big loss when both are on the same page BUT when they differ then one person sacrifices the chance for true commited marital love to the other's distorted view.

 

BTW, I realize that was a rhetorical question, I was just compelled to answer!

[directx]

Hi Marie Evans!

Disregard all the judgement calls. At least you were brave and honest enough to post what happened.

I don't think he is that interested. I think the infatuation he had with you has dimmed, but yours has not.

Also, you are appearing too needy,due to your insecurity of your looks and attractivness. This you need to get under control.

Nobody is attracted to a super needy person (which is why in the movies people are always attracted to the non-needy characters.)

 

Sound like it moved too fast, and he was in lust and you were both in infatuation and lust.

He got his fill and wants to move on. I bet he found someone else and now you are cramping his style.

What can you do? Probably nothing, because he doesnt feel that way anymore. but for some reason I think if you ignored him and changed your image to being more attractive, he would be knocking on your door once again.

Just my opinion.

[squeak]

Hi Marie Evans!

Disregard all the judgement calls. At least you were brave and honest enough to post what happened.

 

Brave???

HONEST?????

 

Perhaps you meant to say "HI Marie Evans, you were the least brave and honest"

 

just no...

 

and yes, he lost interest after using you. Ouch.

[chaos40]

I guess honesty has become the official substitute for integrity … I seem to recall Osama Bin Laden being honest about masterminding the September 11th attacks so I guess using this line of reasoning we should give him a group hug instead of a Tomahawk cruise missile

[squeak]

But don't worry, he is most definitely enjoying seeing you chase and manuever to get his attention back. He probably moved on to someone else. Double ouch.

[squeak]

I guess honesty has become the official substitute for integrity … I seem to recall Osama Bin Laden being honest about masterminding the September 11th attacks so I guess using this line of reasoning we should give him a group hug instead of a Tomahawk cruise missile

 

Ha! Yeah, exactly.

 

She is definitely being honest, as she gets into bed with her husband and supposed partner for life as another man's sperm is swishing around inside her orifices.

[chaos40]

Honesty and bravery might be something like sending your husband a link to this site and telling him what your username is.

[directx]

To all those passing harsh judgement...

My my, aren't we holier than thou?!

There are better ways to show them the error of their ways than by just badgering them and berating them.

Do you actually think someone will listen to you when you respond like that?

Or is your goal just to berate them to allow you to feel better about yourself?

[chaos40]

To all those passing harsh judgement...

My my, aren't we holier than thou?!

There are better ways to show them the error of their ways than by just badgering them and berating them.

Do you actually think someone will listen to you when you respond like that?

Or is your goal just to berate them to allow you to feel better about yourself?

 

Ummmm... maybe you should re-read the original post.. the girl is looking for sympathy for being played by someone she is cheating on her husband with. If she was here saying she is unsure what to do in her current relationship I would probably try to advise her, but given the obvious narcassism in her post I frankly don't give a rats ass how she feels. Kinda like if the VA Tech shooter knocked on my door after the shootings asking for refuge Id want to punch him in the face and hold him down for the police rather than offer him a drink of water and a warm bed to sleep in.

[squeak]

Your probably right that there are better ways to show the err of ways by badgering and berating.

 

I definitely don't feel better about myself by saying that stuff, personally speaking-I lash out because it makes me so disappointed in people to read situations like this. It makes me wonder if there is any hope for humanity, if we can't treat eachother right, how can we expect wars to end or an end to global problems if we can't even take care of the people closest to us?

 

Disgustingly sincere but true.

[squeak]

Ummmm... maybe you should re-read the original post.. the girl is looking for sympathy for being played by someone she is cheating on her husband with. If she was here saying she is unsure what to do in her current relationship I would probably try to advise her, but given the obvious narcassism in her post I frankly don't give a rats ass how she feels. Kinda like if the VA Tech shooter knocked on my door after the shootings asking for refuge Id want to punch him in the face and hold him down for the police rather than offer him a drink of water and a warm bed to sleep in.

 

oh-and that too. very true.

[directx]

Ummmm... maybe you should re-read the original post.. the girl is looking for sympathy for being played by someone she is cheating on her husband with. If she was here saying she is unsure what to do in her current relationship I would probably try to advise her, but given the obvious narcassism in her post I frankly don't give a rats ass how she feels. Kinda like if the VA Tech shooter knocked on my door after the shootings asking for refuge Id want to punch him in the face and hold him down for the police rather than offer him a drink of water and a warm bed to sleep in.

 

I think that is the lowest post I have ever read. You are going to compare her to a tragedy that killed 32 students and destroyed families for the rest of their lives. What a cold, miserable, insensivite person you must be. I don't mean this as an insult, just a clear observation.

I can't get over the ignorance for making such a comparison. Maybe its your type of reaction and behavior that you just demonstrated that created a person like a VA Tech shooter.

What happened in your life that made you so harsh?