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He cheated...should I tell him I know?


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So I had an amazing whirlwind romance that just ended with a guy I had an great connection with. Unfortunately he has now moved to another country and we left it as just friends.

 

His friend confessed to me today that he was cheating and sleeping with other girls behind my back. He knew I didn't deserve it and I was too good to him but selfishness kept him doing it. He thought what I didn't know couldn't hurt me but led me to believe I was the only one.

 

I am furious and deeply hurt because I admitted to this guy that I've been hurt in the past etc yet he did it to me too. I want to get him back somehow. Should I just ignore his contact or text/call him and let him know what I think of him?

What is the best revenge?

 

P.S He still thinks I think very highly of him. Last I spoke to him I told him I would always be there for him etc. This is obviously before I knew about the cheating!

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BeachBlonde
So I had an amazing whirlwind romance that just ended with a guy I had an great connection with. Unfortunately he has now moved to another country and we left it as just friends.

 

His friend confessed to me today that he was cheating and sleeping with other girls behind my back. He knew I didn't deserve it and I was too good to him but selfishness kept him doing it. He thought what I didn't know couldn't hurt me but led me to believe I was the only one.

 

I am furious and deeply hurt because I admitted to this guy that I've been hurt in the past etc yet he did it to me too. I want to get him back somehow. Should I just ignore his contact or text/call him and let him know what I think of him?

What is the best revenge?

 

P.S He still thinks I think very highly of him. Last I spoke to him I told him I would always be there for him etc. This is obviously before I knew about the cheating!

 

Actually, the best revenge you can give this guy is to just ignore all his texts and calls and act like you've dropped off the face of this earth. I know you're hurt and you want to "get him back", but the fact will remain the same if you contact him: he cheated on you. If you talk to him and let him know, he'll either deny it and try to convince you that he didn't cheat (like my ex)...OR he'll admit it and you will want to know why he did it. Good luck with whatever you decide! :)

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Text or tell him that you no longer want to hear from him and that the friendship is off because you found out he cheated. Keep it simple, don't engage in a dialogue to give him a chance to try to justify or lie, or give you any details. He doesn't deserve a conversation about it. Ignore his attempts to contact you after this. He's a sh*thead for what he did to you, let him live with the consequences. What an ***hole he was to do this to you! Heal from it, you will, and move on. My best thoughts are with you.:bunny:

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So I had an amazing whirlwind romance that just ended with a guy I had an great connection with. Unfortunately he has now moved to another country and we left it as just friends.

 

His friend confessed to me today that he was cheating and sleeping with other girls behind my back. He knew I didn't deserve it and I was too good to him but selfishness kept him doing it. He thought what I didn't know couldn't hurt me but led me to believe I was the only one.

 

I am furious and deeply hurt because I admitted to this guy that I've been hurt in the past etc yet he did it to me too. I want to get him back somehow. Should I just ignore his contact or text/call him and let him know what I think of him?

What is the best revenge?

 

P.S He still thinks I think very highly of him. Last I spoke to him I told him I would always be there for him etc. This is obviously before I knew about the cheating!

 

Revenge is not the way to go. You want to be the bigger person. Not stupe down to his level if he in fact did cheat on you.

 

That's up to you if you want to tell him. Do you know for sure he cheated? Word of mouth from one person isn't enough because anyone can say that. I'm not suggesting this friend lied. You know him better then I do. Don't want you to make a fool out of yourself.

 

Sure your feeling for him have changed but you are no longer with him. If it makes you feel better then cut back on the calls/texts or all together. But before you do that don't you think you should hear his side first?

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I'm trying to figure out what your situation with this guy was. You said that when he moved, you left things between you as "just friends". On the other hand, he seems to have been keeping his options open - leaving things as "just friends" but, at the same time, giving you messages about being "the only one".

 

From what you're saying, there was a strong connection between you but distance ruled out the chance of the relationship continuing to grow and flourish. He's now seeing other women, but not being open with you about that fact.

 

Most people have a gut reaction against dishonesty. We despise it in others

- yet most of us, at some point, find ourselves being less than honest in certain situations. How do we rationalise it? I think sometimes we rationalise it by kidding ourselves that other people expected too much of us/were unfair/deserved to be lied to. Whatever helps us keep our sense of integrity intact.

 

In asking for ideas about revenge, you're essentially asking "how can I punish this guy for his dishonesty?" That's understandable, but it won't help you emotionally - and by focusing on getting revenge, you might slip into a role he's unconsciously set up for you. The critical parent, to his naughty child. Read a few post on this board by men who are cheating on their partners, to see what I mean. Allowing yourself be pushed into that unappealing, vengeful role by his behaviour will only help him to rationalise his disrespectful behaviour towards you.

 

If I were you, I'd send him an email that was honest without being overly emotional. I'd tell him that I was aware that he was seeing other women, and

that for whatever reason he seemed to be trying to conceal this from me. I'd say that I was uncomfortable having a friendship with someone who wasn't able to be honest and straightforward with me about his relationships with other women, and that I'd prefer not to hear from him again.

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I'm trying to figure out what your situation with this guy was. You said that when he moved, you left things between you as "just friends". On the other hand, he seems to have been keeping his options open - leaving things as "just friends" but, at the same time, giving you messages about being "the only one".

 

From what you're saying, there was a strong connection between you but distance ruled out the chance of the relationship continuing to grow and flourish. He's now seeing other women, but not being open with you about that fact.

 

We were seeing each other for a few months and really connected. Told me at the start he was looking for a job O/S and not long after he got an offer which he took up. We broke up a few days ago when he left and said we would just leave it as friends. He told me that if he were not going O/S we would be still together. He wanted to see me all the time and I had quite a few discussions with him about how I'd been hurt in the past and was sick of it because I was always the good person yet still got screwed over. He was affectionate, caring, opened up to me, introduced me to his parents.

 

One thing that never made sense was that he always said, "You're too good to me." Now I know that was the guilt talking.

 

His friend is telling me the truth. Apparently this guy has a history of stealing his friend's girls and being selfish like that. One day he would say to his friend, " I really could settle down with a girl like **** (me)" But then the next night he'd hook up with a girl from work, or a random he met at a party. What his friend told me makes sense, the pieces of the puzzle match up now. Apparently, I was the only one he was dating and he was just screwing the others.

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Actually I think the best revenge is ignoring his calls or tell him you no longer want contact or that you no longer want contact because you are seeing someone else. It will be much more traumatizing to him and he will be left really bewildered, obsessed and curious as to WHY you no longer want to speak to him. If he knows the reason, it won't eat away at him as much. PLUS he has the chance to sweet talk you into thinking that friend is jealous and lying and because you still care about him, you will likely fall into the trap.

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