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How did I know my ex-hubby was gay?


stevensgirl

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stevensgirl

Someone answered one of my posts and asked out of curiosity how I found out my ex-husband was gay. They thought it might be helpful to someone else, too.

 

I was married to my ex-husband for almost 11 years, we were together for about a year before we were married, I in fact did not know he was gay until after our divorce. I suspected that he didn't love me anymore and now looking back I guess there were plenty of signs but hindsight is 20/20. About a year into our marraige my ex came home one day with what he claimed to be a rash on his groin area, he claimed that he had been to his physician that day to have the rash checked and his doctor was sending him to an allergist the very next day. He said he had been instructed not to have intercourse until the allergist could run some tests. He went the next day and about a week later he went for a follow up and told me that his doctor found that he was allergic to my body fluids so we could no longer have vaginal intercourse. I suggested we use condoms but he very shortly therafter found that he was allergic to those as well and anything oral was completely out of the question (thank goodness). For the next couple of years when I did request sex we practiced something that I just recently found out has a name in homosexual lingo, interfermoral sex, or slick legging, which means that he would put his penis between my closed thighs and that mimicked , whatever, you know. I got tired of that, it is uncomfortable and messy as well as a little bit degrading so we eventually just stopped having any sex. We didn't have anything that mimicked sex for many years, I guess I'm just stupid and thought he was bound to me out of honor and duty to the kids. After our seperation, and dividing our personal property I found in a hidden panel at the back of our closet some homemade movies of him and his friend, as well as a rubber torso or at least half of a rubber torso (the back half) and a few other items that I'm still not sure what they were used for. During our divorce I found that there was a substancial amount of money that I never even knew about and thats when things kind of got ugly and I found out that he'd only married me for show. He adopted my 2 sons so he had an instant family. I found out that since before we were married he had been involved with a man, when that man was transfered from one military base to another, my ex-husband moved us as well. There were plenty of signs all along, when I met him all of his friends were gay, he was very effeminate (sp?) he did wierd things like plucking his chest hairs and keeping his penis tucked between his legs whenever he was naked and he was very dainty. He would point out men that he "thought were good looking". Where we were from there was a large gay community, almost a seperate town and he went there frequently to "have a drink" supposedly because it was such a "relaxed place". I suppose I trusted that he loved me in the first place and that is why I married him. I had already been married one other time when i was very young and he was abusive, physical, verbal and emotional, so I liked the idea of a gentle, quiet man......Ooops!!!! My bad!!!! But anyhow that is how I found out he was gay. Also, he is with his lover now, and it isn't a "secret" anymore!!!

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hchris6738k

that is interesting, it is probably kind of common, so it's good you posted that, it might help someone else recognize those signs. i noticed in your post you said that your 1st husband was very abusive, i wanted to comment because, i signed on today, mostly to read responses to your post about the guy your with who still has sex with the x-wife, i'm really worried about you because i can see how it would be easy to get into that situation, but i truly hope you don't give this guy any money, and forget him (and x-wife) they are both loosers playing you after your money! my x-husband was very abusive physically and emotionally (and financially) so when i read that i could see more clearly how you ended up with this guy. i have have 8years of counsiling and have learned of what it does to a person, unless they get help, even after it's over (more so sometimes) i also know very well the red flags, and your current relationship has got big red flags all over it !

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