Not sure my boyfriend loves me anymore.....

[Annie26]

Hi all,

I am new here and I have been having some problems with my bf and I have looked around on here a lot and have seen that a lot of good advice is given. and that is what I need! I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now. I am a romantic and I am always trying to go out of my way to do things for him, take care of him, etc. Sometimes I feel like I do these things and I dont know what I do it for. When we were first together I was very self confident. We have had our ups and downs including him talking to other women on the internet, and telling them lies and making up almost like a fake person and having some kind of weird online relationship. I mean they were to the point where they told eachother they loved eachother. He also just went to chat rooms a lot. Hes never liked to work a whole lot. I have always worked really hard and always had 2 jobs. I basically make sure everything is paid and taken care of. We do live together now by the way. He will only work when bills are coming up due, and then he will just sit around at home on the computer or watching tv all day. He is self employed so he can do that technically. Anyway he has decided he wants to buy a house and I guess has seen that he cant do that without a steady income. He just got a job that pays a lot of money, he hasnt started yet but it is a Monday thru Friday job and I am proud of him for it. I am a VERY patient person, and knowing that he is younger than me and men do mature slower I have just been patient and helped him along. Things as far as the computer goes and stuff like that have gotten way better. He still sits on it non stop but not in chat rooms. It seems like he is growing up. The problem I am having now is I feel like I never get the attention I need from him. When he wants sex he will hound me and be all over me, but other than that I really dont get anything. I work long hours, sometimes 14 hours a day, and even though we live together, because I am gone all day, I feel like I never see him. When I get home sometimes he will get off the computer and give me a kiss and then get right back on till about 2 am. Sometimes I dont even get that much. And then if I ask him to come talk to me he wil say ok in a little bit and it just gets late so I go to bed. And then if I get upset about it he tells me I get on his nerves and to leave him alone. But I still do all the laundry make all the food, clean everything, do the shopping ( he pays half though - usually when I bug him) and I feel like I come home to nothing. My dog is thrilled to see me, but he acts like he couldnt care less if I came home at all. And then I asked him last night if he even still loves me and he yelled at me and told me to stop asking him stupid questions that piss him off. But I get nothing! We dont even go out and do anything anymore!! I cant remember the last time we went to the movies, dinner, or anything. I have things that I want to talk about after work and I feel like I have nobody to talk to. It is like that literally EVERY SINGLE night. ANd I cant talk about it with him cause he gets mad. I cant even nicely say anything. But then if I run late from work he gets upset with me! He says we live together and he sees me plenty. But I am starting to feel like all I am to him is a roommate that he can have sex with and who will clean up after him and do everyhthing for him. I love him so much. And if I ever say anything about breaking up he gets real paranoid and I know it upsets him. I know we all need our space, trust me I do. But I am in this relationship for more than that and I feel like I am not getting anything back. I dont know what to do about it, it really hurts. What I do for a living is something I have always wanted to do and I am so excited about it, but I feel like he has no interest in it! Does he just not love me? WHy do guys do this? If any of his guy friends call and they need anything he will drop EVERYTHING and go, but I take care of him and do everything I can for him and he acts like he doesnt even care if I am around. I am not sure what to do now, so any advice would be really great.

[katherine123]

Alright hon, I'm about to give you the honest truth since I was in this situation with my ex. You're not a girlfriend, you're his mom. You take care of him, cook, clean, feed the dog, and I'm sure you do his laundry AND put it away for him too, right???

Trust me, continuing to do this stuff for him isnt going to make him appreciate you anymore, it's just going to make you feel resentful that he DOESNT appreciate everything that you do. I mean so far it seems he just sits around on his ass and waits for you to do everything cuz he knows ur eventually going to do it and put up with his s*** cuz you've done it for this long so far.

The best advice I can give you is kick his ass out and if you need to, get a roommate who will not only respect you, but will also keep up their end of the bills. Trust me, you're just going to feel worse and worse until your self esteem is rammed into the ground. Find yourself a better man who can respect you and who knows that adults have to work. Just like a stranger would tell you, "If you don't work, you don't eat cuz no one is gonna give you s***." Quite a good philosophy.

[Annie26]

I know the job thing is ridiculous but it seems like hes getting that together. What I am really upset about right now actually is I just talked to him and he just does not seem to care AT ALL anymore. He used to not be able to wait to see me, but now he just doesnt care. We dont spend any quality time together unless you call quick sex quality time, and it hurts so bad because I guess I keep loving him more and more and he just cares less and less. He doesnt even sound happy to talk to me or happy to see me.

[Mary3]

Hi all,

I am new here and I have been having some problems with my bf and I have looked around on here a lot and have seen that a lot of good advice is given. and that is what I need! I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now. I am a romantic and I am always trying to go out of my way to do things for him, take care of him, etc. Sometimes I feel like I do these things and I dont know what I do it for. When we were first together I was very self confident. We have had our ups and downs including him talking to other women on the internet, and telling them lies and making up almost like a fake person and having some kind of weird online relationship. I mean they were to the point where they told eachother they loved eachother. He also just went to chat rooms a lot.

 

This is total BullCrap

 

Hes never liked to work a whole lot. I have always worked really hard and always had 2 jobs.

 

This is even worse Bull ! The guy is sucking you dry. You are being wayyyyyyyyyyyy too nice to the LOSER. Dump his A** !

 

I basically make sure everything is paid and taken care of.

 

Thats nice. Its NO mistake he found you and wants you to work 2 Jobs while he plays on the computer

 

We do live together now by the way. He will only work when bills are coming up due,

 

I think I am going to be sick:sick: . What a moocher

 

and then he will just sit around at home on the computer or watching tv all day. He is self employed so he can do that technically. Anyway he has decided he wants to buy a house and I guess has seen that he cant do that without a steady income. He just got a job that pays a lot of money, he hasnt started yet but it is a Monday thru Friday job and I am proud of him for it. I am a VERY patient person, and knowing that he is younger than me and men do mature slower I have just been patient and helped him along. Things as far as the computer goes and stuff like that have gotten way better. He still sits on it non stop but not in chat rooms. It seems like he is growing up. The problem I am having now is I feel like I never get the attention I need from him. When he wants sex he will hound me and be all over me, but other than that I really dont get anything. I work long hours, sometimes 14 hours a day, and even though we live together, because I am gone all day, I feel like I never see him. When I get home sometimes he will get off the computer and give me a kiss and then get right back on till about 2 am.

 

He is addicted to the internet chat lines. He is LIKELY playing with himself and talking to girls. Are you getting lots of sex ?? Or god forbid is he working himself up and then coming into the bedroom ???

 

Sometimes I dont even get that much. And then if I ask him to come talk to me he wil say ok in a little bit and it just gets late so I go to bed.

 

After you fall asleep thats when the REAL fun begins. Get a Keystroker Program and find out what kind of CRAP he is saying to these girls. Its very LIkely you are being USED financially while he plays la la with the girls and gets himself off sexually. VERY LIKELY

 

And then if I get upset about it he tells me I get on his nerves and to leave him alone.

Yeah leave him alone. You are bugging him and causing him to minimize the screen while he cheats cyber time behind your back.

But I still do all the laundry make all the food, clean everything, do the shopping

 

Stop doing ANYTHING for him. Cut him off sexually. Don't Cook, Don't pay HIS bills. Don't do anything. Plan to kick his butt out !!

 

( he pays half though - usually when I bug him) and I feel like I come home to nothing. My dog is thrilled to see me,

 

Thats because your dog LOVES you

 

but he acts like he couldnt care less

 

He does not care. You are being used BIG TIME

 

if I came home at all. And then I asked him last night if he even still loves me and he yelled at me and told me to stop asking him stupid questions that piss him off.

 

You may have low self esteem and allow this jerk to mooch off you and suck you dry with NOTHING coming back your way. He KNOWS you have this problem ,Thats WHY he can get away with it !!

 

But I get nothing! We dont even go out and do anything anymore!!

 

No you don't because he is getting a FREE ride and you can go to Hell and back , he does not CARE

 

I cant remember the last time we went to the movies, dinner, or anything. I have things that I want to talk about after work and I feel like I have nobody to talk to.

 

He is NOT emotionally available to you !

 

It is like that literally EVERY SINGLE night. ANd I cant talk about it with him cause he gets mad. I cant even nicely say anything. But then if I run late from work he gets upset with me! He says we live together and he sees me plenty. But I am starting to feel like all I am to him is a roommate that he can have sex with and who will clean up after him and do everyhthing for him. I love him so much.

 

Oh NO you DON't LOve this Jerk ! And you don't love yourself . Not yet anyway but you can learn to love YOU . Thats when you KICK him out !@ No more free ride..

 

And if I ever say anything about breaking up he gets real paranoid and I know it upsets him. I know we all need our space, trust me I do. But I am in this relationship for more than that and I feel like I am not getting anything back. I dont know what to do about it, it really hurts. What I do for a living is something I have always wanted to do and I am so excited about it, but I feel like he has no interest in it! Does he just not love me?

 

He does NOT L O V E you ! He does not love you at all. Repeat that !

 

WHy do guys do this? If any of his guy friends call and they need anything he will drop EVERYTHING and go, but I take care of him and do everything I can for him and he acts like he doesnt even care if I am around.

 

He does NOT care a rats ass about you ! Just wants you to support him.

 

I am not sure what to do now, so any advice would be really great.

 

Dump his a** fast ! I know you won't right away but as soon as you get stronger you will see you are WORTH more than this low life !

 

Please post back and if you want real help we can give you ideas so he knows the Gravy Train Free ride is OVER !

 

Please read everything I highlighted above in your post

[confused423]

sounds like youve got a bad case of ROACH MOTEL. I say that in truth and in jest. The luster is far from shining on your rusty-holed car. and i agree with k123 and mary! But i also can sympathize w/u because i have the same mentality with my relationships, cept im a guy. so ill do every thing, bend-over-backwards for her whomever 'she' is and its always somehow backfired on me, i tried something once and it took me to change not to loose any traits of myself but to gain a few. What i did was just became apathetic. you say he gets very insecure when you say you want to break up, so then he will definatly notice that you dont talk to him in 2 days or more, and however long the resistance goes on he gets NO sex.

 

Then again, he may not care if you stop everything altogether, which only be easier when he moves out , or when you move out. but you really dont have anything to worry about because your the one with a job. and without knowing what he does for a living i can almost guarantee you that he will either get fired or will NEVER move up unless everyone above him dies at the same time leaving no way to hire out. i say that based off of what you say he does in his free time. People who sit around ALL day with NO life, rarly tend to excell in other areas of there lives. I mean the guy might be an amazing typist, but how well can he put together a project portfoilo, thats just an example.

 

I love saying this....

 

There is a woman who would love to come home and not get kissed, not converse, clean up, basically get dumped on. (not that this is OK by anymeans ) but still there is a woman out there who would do this for him. Just as there is a MAN who would kiss you every second he saw you, listen to your every word, think about you in every spare moment his thoughts would allow,and sex would be so much more than just something to get overwith.

 

so as usuall my advice contradicts itself but i like to think of it as giving broad help, after all im not you and since your the only one wearing your shoes, you have to interpret our posts and apply them in your own way.