Jump to content

Critical Time: He Wants an Answer


Sand&Water

Recommended Posts

I'll get right to the point.

 

I'm going to cut it to a minimum. I don't want to let people suffer reading through general, irrelevant junk. Overall, this story is about a man and a woman. Me, being the woman.

 

I currently live in Canada. He lives overseas, in a far away country - Australia to be exact. We met online - talking for a little over 4 months, now. In our conversations, we talk, joke, tease, laugh, share, and flirt (He does a huge majority of the flirting). Anyways, things have been going smoothly up until a few days ago.

 

Him and I got into a large argument. Let me say this, I think the main cause of this argument is due to the fact that a lot of the issues we discussed and also didn't discuss had been reppressed for a long time. The end result, was an overwhelming response of frustrating and confusion on both sides. I just didn't talk openly about certain issues, as I am a private person in nature. Him, on the other hand, is a very open person.

 

Anyways, the main argument had a starting point a few weeks back. I had gone away for a certain period of time. I gave him a few reasons, as to why I was leaving. At the same time I assured him that I would be back, once I finish several important priorities of mine. He wasn't convinced about the whole situation. He didn't believe the reasons I presented him. He didn't understand the "why" of my absense.

 

Fast forward to a few days ago, where he brought up the same issue. This time he was determined to know the reason behind why I left. Remember, I do still talk to him so why does he care about my past absense and the reasons I provided him? I don't know.

 

The argument heightened in intensity, when he wanted to know why I haven't been open to him. He thinks, I don't trust him. He thinks, I don't allow him in. He also thinks, that I'm a hypercritical person.

 

I have a hard time trusting people in general. How can trust him, when he's so foreign and unknown to me. My gut instinct is so off the radar, I don't know what to think. The trust is weak on my side. But what's worse is that he doesn't want to confide in me. Doesn't want to confide in the things I say to him. Almost everytime I have to reassure him that I'm telling the truth, and the reasons I provided for my absense where indeed true.

 

So, I asked him why he is so concerned about my reasons, my issues, my problems? He said because he cared about me. I know he's interested. I trust him, when he does say things about his life. But the thing that "drives my up the wall" so to speak, is when he doesn't trust me. I want him to be content with the situation.

 

I do admit, that I'm holding myself back. This is due to many factors. However, the biggest factor is that I don't want to be used. I don't want to get hurt by some scumbag. I don't want to become attached to him, then realize that he's a cheater.

 

In the end he said two things to me:

 

(1) you sit there and lecture me how i didn't say anything, left and had no reason for not being open and honest and then you don't do it.

 

(2)Give me one good reason why i shouldn't tell you to get f*cked and not talk to you again?

 

What should I say? He wants an answer to Question #2.

 

What have I gotten myself into!

 

P.S. Him and I are frustrated and conflicting right now. Moreso, confused and untrusting as ever. However, for some odd reason when I argue with him it is as sexy as hell. Strange, but true.

 

Thank you so much for reading. Thoughts would be much appreciated.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, sounds like a tough spot.

 

However, for some odd reason when I argue with him it is as sexy as hell.

 

Wow I can agree with that, for some reason I was thinking about the last fight I had with an ex and it turned me on for some reason.

 

dysfunction and drama, wow how it makes us feel so loved

Link to post
Share on other sites
justagirliegirl

Have you two met in person yet?

 

What do you mean by gone away? How long was it for and did you talk to him at all during this time?

 

If things work out between the two is one of you willing to move? Will you be able to pass all the immigration qualifications needed? It isn't easy. Would you or he be able to find work in each other's country?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you for your reply, LN8840K. I know what you mean. It's not about dysfunction and drama for me. I stay away from both scenarios.

 

It is just the way we argue - he cares about me, his words project that vibe - but I think it's too much too soon.

 

 

Have you two met in person yet?

 

What do you mean by gone away? How long was it for and did you talk to him at all during this time?

 

If things work out between the two is one of you willing to move? Will you be able to pass all the immigration qualifications needed? It isn't easy. Would you or he be able to find work in each other's country?

 

Good questions. No, him and I haven't met in person yet. But he has hinted about it several times in the past.

 

What do I mean by gone away? Well, my schedule was quite busy for about one month. I gave him solid reasons as to why I was leaving. I initially warned him that I'd be away. Numerous times during the one month period, I initiated contact/talk with him. So, yes I did maintain some sort of contact.

 

Moving, work, immigration, and whatnot is the least of my worries right now. Those issues can be dealt with some other time.

 

He has attempted a couple of times to attain my phone number, but I've never given it to him. I sensed, a few days ago, his low endurance. So he just gave me his number.

 

I told him I needed some time, in order, to trust him. It takes at least 6 months to get know someone very well on a personal level. He said that he has given me enough time, and doesn't want to be taken as a fool.

 

He has wanted, for some time, to express his feelings towards me. He wants to spill the beans. The thing that's stopping him, is me. Since I'm not being open, trusting, and among other concerns - then there is no point in doing so. He doesn't wanted to be played. I understand.

 

I don't know how to go about discussing these obstacles with him?

 

What should I say? He wants an answer to Question #2.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I didn't intend for my OP to be long. It is still readable, though.

 

Thoughts/ideas/feedback would be helpful. (??) Thanks.

Link to post
Share on other sites
justagirliegirl

I really don't understand why he is upset with you? It would be different if you disappeared with no contact for a month but that isn't what happened.

 

To his question I would say to him, do whatever you want to do.

 

For a purely online relationship, I think things are a little too intense. I think keeping it light until you both meet face to face would be a good thing.

 

Is there a definite plan to meet in the near future?

 

I met my bf online too. I'm in NY and he is in Sydney. We never had fights before we met and we met 4 months after we first started talking online.

 

Is there a reason you haven't exchanged phone numbers with him?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I want to keep things as light as possible. And, yes I think it's best to maintain an interaction at a stable minimum with him.

 

I'm just not sure where I stand in this situation. I don't, even know, where he stands either.

 

Is there a definite plan to meet in the near future?

No. Haven't discussed it, yet. Although, he had told me straight out: "You're welcome to come visit me in Australia anytime you want". I'm not sure how serious he was about it.

 

Is there a reason you haven't exchanged phone numbers with him?

Several reasons. Overall, I'm not going to let my guard down. When the time is right and when I do feel comfortable, I may move forward and offer my phone number.

 

It's nice to hear, you're familiar with such circumstances. Would you say 4 months wasn't too soon for you and your SO?

 

I am, to a certain degree, skeptical of the whole unfolding of online relations. It takes guts, and some risky business to confide in people present outside your living territory.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...