Just found out weeks ago my girlfriend has practically slept with the whole town!

[Galaxy]

I've been seeing this woman for over 2 years and it seems she hasn't been honest about her past whatsoever. I was told that she has only been with 2 men. In fact, I never even asked her this information. She just told me this when we first started dating. She said I should be gentle with her because of her innocence and yada yada.

I met this woman soonafter moving to this new town. Now that I'm starting to make some acquaintances, it seems she isnt as pure as I first thought. In fact, there are at least 10 different men that I've found out she slept with. And when I confronted her, she told me that she's been with over thirty men. After this, I felt like I was going to throw up. She gave me an entirely different impression on what type of person she was so that I would have a relationship with her. Now I am disgusted every time I see her. I moved out and told her that I find her unattractive now. She seems to have lied about so many things, that I'm furious. I made a doctor's appointment to take an std test and still waiting on results. I am thinking she might just be a golddigging piece of trash! I am completely confused on what to do. I still have feelings for her, but definitely not as strong as before. I dont think I will ever think of her the same way. I wish she was just upfront when we met and my expectations and feelings would have not conflicted so much. I would have accepted it or got used to the fact before the relationship started. But to be lied to and all this information hidden such as misc sex tapes that she's in (or so the rumor is), it's just too much.

[My_Other_I]

Let me ask you this. If your guy friend said he was with 30 women, would you be disgusted, or would you think that he is cool?

How many women have you been with?

If she was single, why does it matter who she had slept with? Get checked for STDs, that's a good idea. If her past bothers you, you should probably move on with your life. Sorry she's lied to you, that one is a deal-breaker for me.

BTW how old is she?

[whichwayisup]

Would you have told her if you had slept with 30+ women?? I'm guessing that's a big fat NO.

 

What you or she has done in the past really doesn't matter. what counts is how she is with you and your relationship. The type of person she is and how she makes you feel.

 

So, you've been with her for 2 years and now finding this out all of a sudden she's trash and a golddigger. Real nice of you. So, basically the past 2 years of your life with her has been one big lie and a waste of your time?

 

Break up with her and move on. Let her be with a man who won't dump her because she has a past. Just remember, if that was you who had slept with as many women it probably wouldn't be such a big issue in your head, right?

 

She deserves better.

[SweetPea80]

Galaxy,

 

Now that you know about her sexual tendencies you have to decide if you want to be with a women like this. I think you should be very careful with her, and watch out for those test results! What will happen if the STD test results come back positive? Then what?

[Walk]

Like you would've really dated her if she'd told you how many guys she slept with? Her past is her business, not yours.

 

Hell, I only knew of 3 women my bf slept with when I met him. Found out he's had more partners than your girl had. Should I dump him and call him a gold digger? Maybe he's an evil ass hole and I should kick him out? Why? his past had nothing to do with me. He's not with them anymore. He's clean, he's experienced, and he's damn good in bed. But then again, its that whole double standard that women have to deal with their whole lives...

 

So, how many women have you slept with, and did your ex know of all of them? Did she ask? Or you just tell all?

[Vertex]

Well the fact that he did not ask her for her past means it was 100% her choice to divulge a lie.

 

"She said I should be gentle with her because of her innocence and yada yada."

 

This would bother me in the sense that he would be "treating a girl innocently" while she is a lot more experienced than meets the eye... reminds me of a time a girl asked me to teach her how to cook a Thai dish when she already knew how to. I felt kind of embarrassed and I imagine the original poster feels that way too.

 

Now, the fact that she lied about her past to you is a big red flag to me. It appears that she wished to hide her past in order to look more appealing. I'm a big advocate of honesty here -- I mean you did not even ask her for the information which makes me think that you, in fact, did not initially care about her past. Is this because 30 is an unforgivable number to you, or is it the concept of the lie? To me the past is the past but the lie is another issue. There should be a large degree of honesty in a relationship... I mean ideally she should not have said anything about her past. It wouldn't have mattered then. The past tends to be a private issue... but she did bring it up according to you.

 

It feels like I don't know the whole story though. But that's just my two cents

[Walk]

I went back and re-read my post. That was pretty harsh of me. So I'll give you the cooled down version.

 

My thought is since you were new in town, maybe at the time she figured she'd "re-invent" herself for you. Maybe she wanted to leave that past behind. Become a better person, and be someone you could be comfortable being with. Or maybe she never saw the relationship going past a few months, so figured it wouldn't hurt to make you feel like you were special and one of only three guys to ever have her. Maybe somewhere along the line she really fell for you, but knew it would break your heart if she told you the truth. So she kept it hidden. Maybe she really liked the life she had with you, had found an acceptance and love in you that she hadn't had before. And still couldn't tell you the truth for fear you would be repulsed by her. That you'd call her a whore and look at her with disgust and anger. So she continued to keep it secret.

 

Then maybe you found out, and everything she feared would happen, happened.

 

Maybe she should've told you from the beginning, or told you nothing at the beginning. We all make mistakes. Unless she has put your health at risk, I'm not sure that something like this would result in the repulsion you feel for her. I'm sure you feel duped, and your embarressed to find out your nearly virgin girl wasn't so virginal. But I would say, based on your reaction to discovering this, that if she had told you at the beginning, that you wouldn't have even given her a second chance.

 

I don't know. I find it hard to think that someone you loved for 2 years, is only a gold digging piece of trash after you find out she slept with a number of men. I'm wondering if you tried to talk to her after you found out? Did you ask her why she lied in the beginning? Were there other aspects of this relationship where she lied to you?

 

Either way, I guess it doesn't matter. If it's been weeks and you still feel disgusted by it, then any thought of re-establishing a relationship would be pointless. But at least entertain the thought that she may have had other reasons for hiding this knowledge from you, other than just evilness. That she may have had valid fears in not reveling this to you from the start. That other men may have scared her badly in her past. Shown her that reveling this information would lead men to feel they can treat her like a whore.

 

Just entertain the thought that there might be another side to this story.

[mental_traveller]

If she was an ok person she would not have volunteered a deliberate lie about her sexual past. It's not like he interrogated her about it and she said 4 or 5 when it was more like a dozen. She even went on about how innocent she was. That's a big fat lie and so a red flag.

 

If a guy when meeting a woman said he had only been with 2 girls so take it easy, then it turns out he's slept with 30 women, it would be fair of her to get annoyed because he deliberately volunteered a lie to her.

 

It's ok to be coy about your past, but not to blatantly lie about it so much like this girl. Double standards has nothing to do with it.

[hyakku]

I'm going to assume you are telling the truth.

 

The number of partners isn't the bad thing. What IS the bad thing is that not only did you not ask, but she brought the subject up JUST SO SHE COULD LIE ABOUT IT. It wasn't like you asked her. On top of all that, she played into it talking about her "innocence" and all. If she would have said I had two partners, then later found out and she said because she didn't want you to think less of her, than "maybe" that would be a bit more acceptable (if you asked, its not an obligation for her to bring it up. Thats why im kinda weirded out that she brought it up just to lie about it), but something sounds weird in your story. Why would she bring that up? Or did you ask and aren't telling us something? I trust you, so if this is all true than drop her, not for past, but for her lies.

[Chump64]

Moving out was the right choice.

 

You go, boy!

[j.carsey]

If she is under 40 years old, then: jesus, she slept with 30 men?? Would seriously make me wonder if she stays faithful while she is dating a guy. Maybe that number is less concerning if she did a bunch at once

 

Like you the first thing I would do is get an STD test.

 

As for a double standard, what double standard? A woman would have to be crazy to date a man who sleeps with that many women. Just do some basic arithmetic, it either means the person is cheating on partners, can't stay with the same person for more than a few months, or can't tolerate having any downtime without sex. For me any of the above are undesirable.

[Cecelius]

I completely understand the lie -- she was embarrassed and wanted that past not to affect a future with you.

 

Doesn't change the fact that that is just a wildly huge number in any event. At least if she'd been silent on it or not lied you'd have had a chance to understand what you were up against.

 

Many other factors could come into play too. Were these dating situations, or tons of saturday nighters? Are these friends (ie, are all these dudes around? Have you been hanging out with them without knowing? I consider that rude of her).

 

Lastly, this whole "the past is the past" thing on sex is silly. If that's true, then the number of marriages you've had is not relevant, the number of times you were a jerk in the past is not relevant, etc. I would imagine that would mean that if she'd had sex with thousands, had been in porn or been a prostitute -- so long as there were no diseases, it doesn't matter? If she doesn't value the act and who she gives it to, and the OP does, then they have a big issue.

 

Don't abuse her, as she hasn't done very much that is horrible, but do not feel bad for being less attracted to her. If that is the case, then just politely move on.

[catgirl1927]

I agree with everyone who said that while her past is her past and really none of your business, the problem here is that she went out of her way to tell a lie. Who knows what else she's lying about?

[Cecelius]

Absent other issues (like the gold digging) I don't see the lying as that big a deal. A lot of people would prefer to leave their pasts in the past (which doesn't mean they can). If she'd just been silent on it, the worst thing would be that at this point he's started hearing things from other people.

 

It's unfortunate that this didn't get established two years back so neither of you would have wasted time on something that wasn't going to work out.

 

Have you considered the two of you going someplace else where this stuff just isn't all around you?

[thegoodhubbie]

I completely understand the lie -- she was embarrassed and wanted that past not to affect a future with you.

 

Doesn't change the fact that that is just a wildly huge number in any event. At least if she'd been silent on it or not lied you'd have had a chance to understand what you were up against.

 

Many other factors could come into play too. Were these dating situations, or tons of saturday nighters? Are these friends (ie, are all these dudes around? Have you been hanging out with them without knowing? I consider that rude of her).

 

Lastly, this whole "the past is the past" thing on sex is silly. If that's true, then the number of marriages you've had is not relevant, the number of times you were a jerk in the past is not relevant, etc. I would imagine that would mean that if she'd had sex with thousands, had been in porn or been a prostitute -- so long as there were no diseases, it doesn't matter? If she doesn't value the act and who she gives it to, and the OP does, then they have a big issue.

 

Don't abuse her, as she hasn't done very much that is horrible, but do not feel bad for being less attracted to her. If that is the case, then just politely move on.

 

I could not agree more with you! This whole, the past is the past line of thought is complete bulls***. It drives me nuts every time someone comes here and posts about this topic and everyone jumps on the guy like he's so terrible because it bothers him that the girl he's been with has never showed an ounce of self-esteem, self-restraint, or good judgement. What the hell is the world coming to where this kind of behavior is acceptable in anyone at any time. JESUS!