Kittiecat Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Tomorrow I'm going out with a gentleman I met a few days ago...he has a 13 year old daughter. WOW. This is not at all how I expected to jump back into the dating pool (just broke up w/boyfriend of 2 yrs a month ago). Maybe a part of me sees him as being safe because he has absolutely no potential because, of course, he has a daughter that lives with him and NOTHING can come of this, right? Anyway, I'm probably stressing over nothing...I mean, I can't simply write someone off because they have a child, right? What if I were the one with the child...does that mean I'm not allowed to date anyone? I don't think so! I'm curious -- are there any childless Loveshackers here who have ever dated someone with a child? What was it like? Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 For me it was a short one-date, because of the baggage and emotional turmoil of having an potential instant family. If she was child-less I would have pursued a relationship. I think I'm still young, 30's, and I know I'm ready for a family but not ready for an instant family with another person's children. Just my opionion and view. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 Yeah, that's kind of my feeling. I am NOT ready to potentially be someone's stepmom, but at the same time, I feel like I'm jumping WAY ahead of myself. He seems like a nice guy who just wants to go out and have some fun...no harm in that! There's also a part of me that is extremely impressed that he was man enough to take his daughter in and raise her himself (not sure where the mom is, we didn't really get into it). Eh, time will tell, I guess. He seems nice enough... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 I was dumped yesterday by a single man with two children (6 and 9). The kids were fantastic, and I never thought of them as an "issue," although it did make random hot-sex in the middle of the living room impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 My SO has a son. Not full time, but we do see him every weekend. His son is only 2 which fortunately means a lot less issues in many ways. He doesn't see me as trying to replace his mom or any such thing - not that I would of course!! We've been together about 1.5 years now. We're planning on getting engaged in December, and married next year. It can be a lot to take on, you will have to put someone else's child before yourself sometimes. There's a million pit falls, including the ex (mom). There's also a million rewards, and I know I'd have passed the most wonderful man I've ever met had I discounted him for having a child. But in your situation I think it would be a while before he would introduce you to his child. I would suggest at least going on a couple of dates and seeing how you feel and what he has to say about it. I doubt he's looking for a new mommy for his child. He's just trying to have his own life as well as look after his daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 Well I went on two dates with this guy and it turned out that having a daughter was not a problem...he was just extremely clingy! I ended things w/him last night...so much for that! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Tomorrow I'm going out with a gentleman I met a few days ago...he has a 13 year old daughter. WOW. This is not at all how I expected to jump back into the dating pool (just broke up w/boyfriend of 2 yrs a month ago). Maybe a part of me sees him as being safe because he has absolutely no potential because, of course, he has a daughter that lives with him and NOTHING can come of this, right? Anyway, I'm probably stressing over nothing...I mean, I can't simply write someone off because they have a child, right? What if I were the one with the child...does that mean I'm not allowed to date anyone? I don't think so! I'm curious -- are there any childless Loveshackers here who have ever dated someone with a child? What was it like?Kittiecat, you have a right to set your own standards according to your personality. For example, I have two children and wanted to find a man who would tolerate them (actually I found one who LOVES them very much ), but I didn't want a man with children. I wouldn't call it double standard, I would call it a matter of preferences. In my case it's also experience since I couldn't get along with my ex-husband's daughter. There are also good things that I possess but didn't seek them in a partner, just like there were bad things about me that I didn't want in my partner. You don't have kids so you want a person without kids. You might like his daughter though although daughters are usually jealous of their step-mothers unless you're the mother type and totally warm toward her. If you have had jealousy/possessiveness issues in your previous relationships then a man with a teenage daughter is probably not the best marriage material for you. No matter how lightly you want to take him, you still might fall in love with him. And there is no turning back from that point. Make your choices early in the relationships, not when it's too late. But it's out-of-date now anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted May 19, 2006 Author Share Posted May 19, 2006 Thanks RP, actually that's pretty much how I felt. Dating a man with a child was not the ideal situation, but I'm at a point now where I feel like I should be able to sample all the dating scenarios to really get a feel for what's out there. My dating "landscape" is quite different now - I'm a bit older and wiser, I have more money, etc., and so I feel like it's time to date people who are in a similar situation. Unfortunately this particular person was NOT in a situation even close to being similar. Link to post Share on other sites
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