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BF Is obsessed with my past and its scaring me


banister61

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When I was young I had lost of different boyfriends and experiences. In college—I had some wild times—like a couple one night stands, a ménage and I cheated once. This was about 10-12 years ago. Up until about a year ago, I had some friends that weren’t so good—kind of loose in there relations with others—like sex, drugs and alcohol. But I was never really a big part of that scene[

 

Anyway—as far as my “coupling” experiences were—I never thought that what I was doing was bad (except that I cheated once and broke my own heart for the pain I caused another). Actually—that experience about 10 years ago prompted me to make changes in my own like personally. And so—I did—I became the person that I wanted to be—fully committed, monogamous and never strayed. I wanted to align my moral convictions with reality. I took care of that years ago

 

But I never thought I was “as good as I could be” in other areas—like career and finances.

 

 

About a year a go—I let the people go who were not good influences in my life and I focused on my career. And I have met someone who is similar to me in my convictions

 

The problem is that he is dealing with a lot about his ideals and sex. It started with his need to get control over his libido—he’s much younger then me and feels like masturbation was a coping mechanism for stress in his life—and he felt a lot of stress—would masturbate maybe 2-3 times in a row in his room and then feel immensely guilty . So he’s decided to not do it for a month and see if he can control it. It’s been 4 days and he’s been fighting with me. He got on my case about my finances and then he started trying to trap me about my past. I don’t know—its like he’s paranoid and looking to catch me in details of my past to prove that I am morally bad. He says he’s hung up on sexual purity for some reason and my experience is intimidating. The truth is I have done some things that wish hadn’t happened. I was lost when I was longer—very lost. And I’m ashamed to say that I was also raped at 12. I’m worried about these hang ups. He said he was not the type of guy to ask me how many people I’ve slept with—but I feel it is coming down to that. Like he’s obsessed with the past. He wants to know if I was promiscuous—but I feel—maybe when I was 17—22—yeah—I was, for my standards. I was so insecure and lost. But I also think I set very high expectations. he wants to think i am pure.

 

I just don’t know what to do. I had some rocky relationships and it embarrasses me that I dated some losers. i feel like I’m being judged. i feel ashamed.

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whats wrong with me

everyone has skeletons in their closet. doesn't he? why does he expect you to be so pure?

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whichwayisup

The past is what makes you YOU. In and out of bed.

 

Sooner or later he has to accept you and live in the present, not look so much at your past. What counts is now. If he can't get over it, then there isn't a whole lot you can do to make him feel better. He has to decide what is more important. ... Living in the past and worrying about the future, or just enjoying you and the relationship as it is now.

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