bebegal Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I just wrote this post and it erased! Anyway--Again My boyfriend of 5 months is on vacation for a month with his family in asia. (To begin with I have a huge fear of abandonment) and when I give myself to someone which is rare I get scared(extremely) that they will leave me. Well anyway my boyfriend in the beginning was texting, emailing etc very frequ at the beginning and now it takes him 4-5 days to write me back an email. I told him about this and he said he would try harder and then the other day I called him to thank him for the v-day gift he sent on tues and he did not write back until saturday. I get depressed and emotional when I check my computer and there is nothing there..such as why doesnt he have the need to talk to me, see what I am doing etc..miss me enough to hear from me.... but then I think that maybe that is all he needs is two times a wk to hear from him (though when he is here we talk all of the time. I then analzye the situation to much and think I know that he has time even 10 minutes to have written back sooner. Anyway my problem... why do I and How do I stop freaking out that I do not hear from him.. I mean obvisouly it is not a big deal to him as he feels only the need for us to talk 2 times a wk while he is gone. Here I am on the other end freaking out. I am super insecure and try to tell myself it isnt even him/his voice I need to hear..but instead the reassurance that he is there/that he cares etc. This all consumes my thoughts everyday..and I want to learn not to care(I mean how do so many of you people just not care...about these things. I bet many of you would be thrilled to hear from your bf who is in asia 2x a wk...but I am crying! Link to post Share on other sites
smile Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 wow. I totally know what you're going through. I was the same way with my exbf. It was bad and it felt wrong as I did it, but I just needed to know he was thinking about me all the time or something was wrong. Here is something for you to remember. He is on vacation with his family in asia. First off, he is with his family.. chances are he isnt going to go off and have an affair with his family there. They are probably taking up most of his time. Secondly, he is on vacation somewhere amazing. Days can be long and full. While he probably does think about you everyday he may not have the energy or time to sit at a comp and write to you about it. That doesn't mean he doesn't care, it means he is a human being. Thirdly... he is flawed, he is human, he has limits, he can not always be there for you when you think you need him. Thats a job for a husband, not a boyfriend of 5 months. He is going to be thoughtless sometimes but thats when you need to remind youself of the good times. Stop being afraid of the unknown. Those monsters you can create in your mind are scarier than anything he would ever do to you. Try to be rational about this. You know he cares. Take this time to be you again. You have had a bf for 5 months I am sure there are friends who have been neglected and hobbies you have put off. Get to it . Be real with yourself about where these feelings are comming from. Are you making him pay for the way someone treated you in the past? Try to put yourself in his shoes. I think twice a week is pretty alright for a guy on vacation on an other continent. Btw in my experience if his calls and txts are met with happiness and appreciation he is more likely to want to txt and call. But if he is getting flack for him being gone everytime he calls he wont feel like calling as much. He can't help that he is gone.. I am sure he misses you too. Go easy on him. He should be home soon right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bebegal Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Thanks smile- That is why I posted.. I needed encouragement and thoughtful words. He will be home very soon..You are exactly right and I know it.. but those"monsters" always get the best of me. He should not have to pay for other people's mistakes or my insecurities. I just wish I could put them to rest. I always think that if he does not call all the time or write.. he is not thinking about me and does not miss me. I jsut can not convince myself otherwise and it is a horrible feeling. Thanks again smile Link to post Share on other sites
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