resentment006 Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Often times if a woman has a choice between a nice, boring guy, & a jerk she'll dump the nice guy and go to the jerk. Why? because at least the jerk is more interesting, mysterious, & unpredictable. Of course there needs to be a happy medium. A guy can be nice but firm & strong. If you are a guy reading this please understand there are many ways that the too nice guys smother & suffocate their women: Calling everyday sometimes more than once a day, always apologizing even when know you have done nothing wrong, always looking for her approval, asking her why she didn't return your calls or why she waited a few days to call, displaying public affection, telling her you are crazy about her & can't live without her, showing up at her door everyday, keeping the same routine of activites, saying "i love you" more than once a day, always complimenting her hair. All of this will make her lose attraction for you fast. Women are attracted to men who play hard to get. You appear stronger if you let her initiate most of the calls. If you must call your girlfriend only do it to confirm dating plans and stuff otherwise don't call more than once a week. Always understay your welcome when you are with her. If she starts approaching you sexually, learn to resist her & suggest taking it slow. Women will sometimes throw tests your way to see if you can exercise self control. Show her you can exercise self control by saying no and suggesting to wait awhile. They will respect you and want more of you later. Men appear more sexy when they exercise self control over their sexual desires & are not quick to give in when the opportunity presents itself. You appear more interesting if you don't call her everyday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 I really liked a guy (several, actually) who tried to get me to chase him like you advise. so i dumped him (them). i don't want to be the man. i want the man to be the man. if he can't handle the initiation part, i consider him to be weak, lazy, or not interested enough. and most women are like me. and why do you call yourself resentment? did some woman break your heart? because all of the guys who tried to get me to do the chasing had alot of resentment towards women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 It didn't sound like you described a "nice guy"... instead it sounded more like a potential stalker. Want a girl to like you?? Be a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 It didn't sound like you described a "nice guy"... Agreed. The first paragraph sounded like someone who was insecure, anxious & vulnerable. Behave like the guy in the second paragraph & insecure, anxious & vulnerable people are the only ones you're going to attract. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 If she starts approaching you sexually, learn to resist her & suggest taking it slow. Women will sometimes throw tests your way to see if you can exercise self control. Show her you can exercise self control by saying no and suggesting to wait awhile. They will respect you and want more of you later. Men appear more sexy when they exercise self control over their sexual desires & are not quick to give in when the opportunity presents itself. ... then she will think you are not into her OR you are not man enough!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Behave like the guy in the second paragraph & insecure, anxious & vulnerable people are the only ones you're going to attract. so true lol Link to post Share on other sites
Rickymoemoe Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I'm a jerk to every friggen girl I meet, even though I'm really a nice guy under that exterior. Let me tell you I'm still finishing last! To give up being a real nice guy is not something a person can do. Apparently the act of being a Jerk also doesn't work well. So I guess we nice guys are screwed for eternity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Magister Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 The only reason "jerks" come out ahead is that they make more attempts. Its a numbers game. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucasarts Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 you have to mix it up, be a sweet jerk basically poke fun of her in a light way so that she can laugh at her self. the Jerk way would simply degrade this girl to the point where she feels worthless and sh*tty. Thats why jerks dont always finish first, yet girls like the bad boy vibe and they love to laugh, even at the expense of someone else. Humor is humor, and jerks possess alot more because they simply dont care what they say. in our society humiliation is funny, especially when it isnt you. Link to post Share on other sites
SweptAway Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I like a guy who can just be himself. Just be upfront about what you want. Don't lie about the sort of person you are, trust me, all the smart women will see straight through it. I don't understand why you have to be anything other than yourself to get a date. I'm a bit of a sucker for the sensitive guys, but I can't stand men without a backbone and without an opinion. I'm not going to tolerate jerk-like behaviour either. I consider myself highly sexual - if you pull the hard-to-get "lets take it slow" stuff with me, I'll drop you pronto. I have not met a guy who honestly wants to "take it slow". Men aren't programmed that way. And nobody like games, just be honest. Women like honesty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 The reason these so-called 'nice' guys (who rarely are nice) think the men who get women are 'jerks' is because they get women. I promise you that anybody who divides the world into 'nice guys' and 'jerks' has BIG RED FLAG written all over him. It's about personal issues, skewed perception of the world, and bitterness. This very attitude is what puts women off. There's nothing 'nice' about it. Link to post Share on other sites
ms_jnj Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I really liked a guy (several, actually) who tried to get me to chase him like you advise. so i dumped him (them). i don't want to be the man. i want the man to be the man. if he can't handle the initiation part, i consider him to be weak, lazy, or not interested enough. and most women are like me. I have to agree. I like the guy to make the first move. Call me old fashioned, I guess. I always return the phone call and will initiatiate phone calls later on if I like him, but him making the first move shows that he has balls and goes for what he wants, which I find very sexy. Heh, ambition and drive turns me on, I can't help it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I am just myself. A woman can take it or leave it but I don't put up a front. I won't be attracted to a woman that is turned on by a**h*** behavior. Why would a man want a woman like that anyway? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 TOBDANG Syndrome (Terror Of Being Deemed A Nice Guy) is causing impotence, frustration, porn addiction and aggression amongst thousands of men, leading psychiatrist Dr Frank f***wit revealed today. "Fear of being seen as a 'nice guy' is the malaise of the millennium, and may spell the beginning of the end for humanity as we know it." he told our researcher. "In medical circles, it is widely believed that the disease is triggered off by consumption of items such as Askmen.com, FHM, Maxim and an under the counter book called 'Bark at the moon, you little bitchman!'" Symptoms, advise f***wit, are first noticed when sufferers wake in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and sensing the words "dull" and "predictable" pulsating painfully in their heads. One patient of Dr f***wit's suffered an acute attack recently, and confessed to spending literally days in front of his bathroom mirror cultivating a laconic smirk intended to help him resemble Robert Mitchum after a heavy night on drink and drugs. In a more severe case, Willie McBastard of Auchters*** in Scotland sliced his girlfriend's cat's head off and wore it as a sporran in an effort to help others realise that he was not a one to be messed with. He is now detained in custody, whilst the sporran adorns Dr f***wit's surgery wall ("I suffer from a spot of TOBDANG myself from time to time" the medicine man explains). So how serious a problem might this be for modern Western man and the society he lives in? Tristan Newman, a leading economist, discusses: "The difficulty is that we are now living in a climate where hundreds of thousands of men are desperate to become known for being ironically misogynistic s***bags, but there simply aren't enough resources and suitably compliant women to cope with this burgeoning demand." Professor Morris, who has taught Environmental Science at Poxford for the last 75 years disagreed with this assessment. When our researcher asked him to comment he advised: "Anyone can be an arsehole," he said, "and it needn't have a major impact on the ozone layer. I have a wide circle of friends - all of whom are vegans and carefully recycle waste products in ways that would boggle your mediocre, polytechnic-approved little brain. Despite their environmentally friendly policies, each and every one of them is a cunt - and each year, under my careful tutellage, a number of philosophical female undergrads provide the resources to cope with their requirements." By typing the words "nice guys finish last" in the Loveshack search engine, it is possible to gain an idea of the extent to which cyberspace might be assisting the spread of TOBDANG. Please feel free to share your stories and experiences. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 jeez lindya, are you on illicit substances today? but v funny, all the same Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Men appear more sexy when they exercise self control over their sexual desires & are not quick to give in when the opportunity presents itself. You appear more interesting if you don't call her everyday. i agree with that one. it's better than thinking ...oh this guy would bang anything... Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 jeez lindya, are you on illicit substances today? God no. My days of dabbling are far behind...and if they weren't, the creative results would be channelled into writing of a more commercial nature Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 "Anyone can be an arsehole," he said, "and it needn't have a major impact on the ozone layer." ........pfffftttttttt Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 confessed to spending literally days in front of his bathroom mirror cultivating a laconic smirk intended to help him resemble Robert Mitchum after a heavy night on drink and drugs. ... there simply aren't enough resources and suitably compliant women to cope with this burgeoning demand." great post. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 great post. It's no laughing matter, cygny. More news on the syndrome.... It's a little known fact that sociologist/porn producer Max Max has been deliberately inducing TOBDANG symptoms in unwitting guinea pigs (using the internet as a medium). This is at least partially responsible for the recent surge in embittered "nice guy" posts. Victims of the Max technique are flooded with specially produced porn (made by Max) which depicts visions of nasty guys having a good time with nasty women, These visions are interspersed with brief subliminal messages such as "Why not you??" and "Here's your ex. Look! She got her tits done, and she does anal now..." The victim is left with feelings of abject inadequacy and emptiness that can only be alleviated (on a temporary basis) with further exposure to porn....hence the porn addiction that is often a feature of the syndrome. Delegates at a recent convention of porn producers and cosmetic surgeons toasted eachother enthusiastically in response to an official announcement confirming links between TOBDANG in males, and SOC (Surgery Or Celibacy?) amongst the females who associate with them. "For us, it's a win/win situation" said Max Max. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Having gone through a divorce and now am starting to get involved in dating, I'm paying attention and analyzing the whole situation. I agree with parts of this post, but I think it depends on timing. I just got involved with online dating, and was talking to three guys. If I have to label them, it'll be as follows nice guy, bad guy, in between. The nice and bad guy both have talked to me every day over the last week. They initiate contact. The in between has initiated contact, but hasnt kept it up on a daily basis. Probably he has a lack of interest, so it's going no where fast. The nice guy is trying to play hard to get by telling me how he'll be busy tonight and not sure if he can get online to chat but in the same breath tells me his whole schedule. He was pressuring me to talk on the phone, and some other things he said was way too early in the game. I felt suffocated and I had to stop communicating with him because it was way too much info way too soon. The bad guy has been waiting patiently by and has told me that he'll let me make the moves because he doesnt want to pressure me. AND he's stood by it, atleast longer than the other two. He's winning simply because he's showing interest, but he's also showing that i get to make the moves and that shows respect. I also know he might not be there forever, and he's left some mystery about himself by not telling me his whole daily schedule. He is sarcastic, and does tease me a lot, and that does make me laugh. I dont feel suffocated, and that's why he's currently winning. However, if we ever got involved, then that sarcastic tone would have to change slowly over time into the nice guy. He would have to show me that he does have feelings for me and that he could do the same things as the romantic nice guy would. I dont know if that would work, but these are my current observations. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Two things that instantly caught my attention: because at least the jerk is more interesting, mysterious, & unpredictable. I've been called all this, but who the hell needs another instable person in a relationship??? In my experience mysterious people appear mysterious, because they don't say much and the reason why they don't say much is that they are quite boring. And unpredictable = issues. You appear stronger if you let her initiate most of the calls. This reminds me one of my friends whom I had a crush on once. Then I lost interest and he started being more interested in me. It wouldn't have changed a lot as I had set my mind already on the incompatibility of our personalities, but he was so lazy with phone calls and even though I was definitely not interested in him anymore, I still was observing and he got even more minus points with his behavior. In the end, I like it though that he was too lazy to call, because I was able to choose when I wanted to call him and when not and he never bugged me with phone calls. To sum it up, you don't appear stronger when you let her initiate all the phone calls, you will just look quite desinterested or lazy which in my opinion is not very attractive. All these one-sided things are bad, bad, bad for any relationships. lindya, that was a very good article about the TOBDANG syndrome. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Superlative work, lindya! Dgiirl, quit buying into the myth. He was pressuring me to talk on the phone, and some other things he said was way too early in the game.I felt suffocated and I had to stop communicating with him because it was way too much info way too soon. THIS IS NOT A 'NICE' GUY!!!!! This is a clingy and needy guy. They are NOT the same thing. and he's left some mystery about himself by not telling me his whole daily schedule. Splendid. So he leaves out the bits where he has lunch with his wife... If you ask me, this 'mystery' business is ridiculous precisely because what you don't know can hurt you. To hell with 'mystery'. As loony said, you find out that these 'mysterious' guys are actually boring in the end - or else they're jerks. You like the 'mystery' because it allows you to believe that he's some sort of dashing, interesting hero. Knowing everything means you don't get to cherish that illusion. But illusions are unhealthy for relationships. He is sarcastic, and does tease me a lot, and that does make me laugh. (snip) However, if we ever got involved, then that sarcastic tone would have to change slowly over time into the nice guy. Please tell me you're kidding! You see, this is how women set themselves up for failure. DON'T TAKE ON A MAN THINKING HE WILL CHANGE OR YOU WILL CHANGE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he's sarcastic now, that's how he always will be so if you don't like it, bail. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 THIS IS NOT A 'NICE' GUY!!!!! This is a clingy and needy guy. They are NOT the same thing. Exactly - and being assertive doesn't have to mean turning into a pr!ck. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 THIS IS NOT A 'NICE' GUY!!!!! This is a clingy and needy guy. They are NOT the same thing. Then I need the definition of a "nice" guy. I know he's clingy and needy. That's why I bailed. So he leaves out the bits where he has lunch with his wife... lol Possibly. Although I did ask him directly if he had a wife or gf But in contrast to the needy guy, I dont know his full schedule. I've only been talking to all three men for a week. I dont want to know his full schedule right now. If we actually started dating, that would be different. Again, it all depends on the current stage of the relationship. As you get closer, you should start to become more familiar with each other and start to reveal more and more about yourselves. It's a delicate dance. Please tell me you're kidding! You see, this is how women set themselves up for failure. DON'T TAKE ON A MAN THINKING HE WILL CHANGE OR YOU WILL CHANGE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he's sarcastic now, that's how he always will be so if you don't like it, bail. I dont mind him being sarcastic. And I've never ever thought I could change a man. I dont want to. And I'll never try. But as time progresses, as we start to get to know each other, then I would hope I will see a little more of a different side to him. Again, I'm fairly new to the whole dating thing, and I'm trying to analyze what I want and need. This is just my observations on the initial stages of getting to know someone. Link to post Share on other sites
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