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Photos are deceiving:Stunning to Unattractive


InternetDater

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InternetDater

I have been using internet dating sites over the past couple of years, and something that has occurred to me on multiple occasions is this. I will be browsing profiles with photos, and come across a woman that appears absolutely stunning. Yes I do indeed read the profile, oftentimes read it again, and actually make an assessment if our personalities match or not. Still, it is attraction to a pretty face that catches my initial attention.

 

If I believe that our personalities do match well, I will write that person. On multiple occassions that person has written me back, and we have exchanged multiple emails, carried on IM chats, or talked on the phone. After this initial familiarization, to the point where is appears that we really do get along well, often there is a further exchange of pictures. It is this stage where I have gotten to a very uncomfortable position.

 

I have found that it is more common than not actually, that a woman with a single stunning profile picture, will not appear anything like the original photo in other pictures. Indeed I have actually found myself wondering if the pictures are of the same person. After viewing these additional pictures, I find myself not being attracted at all, and wondering what to do. I feel like a dog for simply dropping all communication with this person after seeing additional photos, but at the same time, the chemistry that I thought was there, was really a figment of lighting, make-up or angle which disappears in the majority of pictures.

 

How is the best way to handle this situation?

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I have been using internet dating sites over the past couple of years, and something that has occurred to me on multiple occasions is this. I will be browsing profiles with photos, and come across a woman that appears absolutely stunning. Yes I do indeed read the profile, oftentimes read it again, and actually make an assessment if our personalities match or not. Still, it is attraction to a pretty face that catches my initial attention.

 

If I believe that our personalities do match well, I will write that person. On multiple occassions that person has written me back, and we have exchanged multiple emails, carried on IM chats, or talked on the phone. After this initial familiarization, to the point where is appears that we really do get along well, often there is a further exchange of pictures. It is this stage where I have gotten to a very uncomfortable position.

 

I have found that it is more common than not actually, that a woman with a single stunning profile picture, will not appear anything like the original photo in other pictures. Indeed I have actually found myself wondering if the pictures are of the same person. After viewing these additional pictures, I find myself not being attracted at all, and wondering what to do. I feel like a dog for simply dropping all communication with this person after seeing additional photos, but at the same time, the chemistry that I thought was there, was really a figment of lighting, make-up or angle which disappears in the majority of pictures.

 

How is the best way to handle this situation?

 

Don't develop a friendship until after you've seen more pictures. In fact, don't waste time emailing and talking on the phone until you meet them in person. Set up an initial meeting for one hour, and if an attraction is there, you can make another date.

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How is the best way to handle this situation?

become a homosexual :lmao:...unlike women, men don't overuse makeup, hairdos, face peels, clothes, push=up bras, glamour shots, etc...to enhance their beauty.

 

when you see a good looking man he's usually mostly natural. i've dated attractive women that look like krap without their "face" on and their hair done.

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become a homosexual :lmao:...unlike women, men don't overuse makeup, hairdos, face peels, clothes, push=up bras, glamour shots, etc...to enhance their beauty.

 

when you see a good looking man he's usually mostly natural. i've dated attractive women that look like krap without their "face" on and their hair done.

 

Alpha--this kinds has a underlying tone that you are considering giving up on women and trying men on for size because they are more natural.!!! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

(poke poke, jab jab-as padameckla giggles as she teases alpha)

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Pictures ARE deceiving!

 

I knew a very plain girl in college who took GORGEOUS pictures. It was just the way the bones of her face were and the way the camera loved her face.

I also knew a gorgeous girl (who you would think would take great pics) but she always looked weird in pictures.

 

Being photogenic may or may not have much to do with a person's actual attractiveness quotient.

 

What I suggest is meet the people you have an actual rapport with. Suggest a short, hour-long coffee break meeting for the initital date. That way, if you are really not attracted, you've only spent the hour.

 

It's shame to base your entire assessment of them on a few photographs.

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Alpha--this kinds has a underlying tone that you are considering giving up on women and trying men on for size because they are more natural.!!! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

ha ha :lmao:.... I know you love to poke fun at me PADA but I won't be going to see that movie Brokeback Mountain about the gay cowboys anytime soon!!

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People will look different from day to day.... or even your mood can make them appear different..... more so beer and cocktails seem to make people look more attractive more often. :lmao:

 

a4a

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People will look different from day to day.... or even your mood can make them appear different..... more so beer and cocktails seem to make people look more attractive more often. :lmao:

hey A4A do you remember the "two face" episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was dating that woman and depending upon the lighting she would be either gorgeous or ugly?

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Maybe it takes being really honest right up front. So you realize that appearance is a real important part of the attraction. Be upfront after you make contact with a woman and ask for as much recent photos as possible.

 

This is one of those situations where honesty lacks in relationships. The power of internet dating in that you can weed out fast if you are willing to express what is important.

 

You don`t want to hide behind this facade of being attracted to someone for their personality if it is based on a picture. Make sure right up front the look is for real. If the lady is offended then that is her perogative.

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hey A4A do you remember the "two face" episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was dating that woman and depending upon the lighting she would be either gorgeous or ugly?

 

Yes she looked like the freaking possessed chick in the exorcist :lmao:

 

I avoid these types.... because I am shallow and feel an attraction to people I find attractive and continue to find attractive.

 

I know a guy that basically posted "no fat chicks" on his online dating profile.

It's working for him, well it could be? He has had no response at all......so no fat chicks are trying to lure him in,,,,,,,,,,, nor are the thin ones :lmao:

 

a4a

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it sounds like you are mostly after a pretty face and even when the chemistry is there, if they don't match up to your ideal of physical beauty then forget it. beauty is fleeting. maybe you are a bit too focused on that. and pictures are deceiving. it has alot to do with bone structure and how the light hits it. someone who looks bad in a picture could actually look quite attractive in person. conversely, many models look very ordinary in person.

 

if you like the person's mind and attitude, have coffee and get to know them a bit better. doesn't have to be an hour, maybe just a half hour, drive-by dating i call it, lol. see what they look like in person. even if you don't see a relationship developing, you need to meet real women, not just hold out for a stunning face.

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Photos are 2D representations of 3D humans - of course they are misleading. When you know what someone looks like, the photo will remind you of her appearance, however if you've never met someone you can't possibly picture her perfectly from just photos.

 

You're making a huge mistake if you only judge people by their photos. Until you've seen someone in real life, you don't really know what she looks like. I agree with the others that meeting them in person is crucial.

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Don't develop a friendship until after you've seen more pictures. In fact, don't waste time emailing and talking on the phone until you meet them in person. Set up an initial meeting for one hour, and if an attraction is there, you can make another date.

 

I agree. Attraction, at least for me, is a vibe that is FELT in the moment. You can rarely, rarely pick up that through a photo. That's why I ended up giving up on internet dating...I met a lot of nice guys, many who even seemed like my "type" in photos, but it was always lacking that initial click of chemistry that happens in real life. I don't even go for traditional "model" types - but I need to feel that connection in order to proceed with someone.

 

You just can't fake the funk!! :love:

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Cygny, you're such a chick. lol

 

 

thank you! lol

 

i was aware that i was sounding like an old song when i wrote that post...lol...\

but..what could i saY...I mean should i tell him to ditch those more average girls so that maybe he can go out with a real stunner maybe once a year?? what is the point of this thread!!!!!??????

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I agree. Attraction, at least for me, is a vibe that is FELT in the moment. You can rarely, rarely pick up that through a photo. That's why I ended up giving up on internet dating...I met a lot of nice guys, many who even seemed like my "type" in photos, but it was always lacking that initial click of chemistry that happens in real life

 

I'm missing the logic here. What's stopping you from maybe feeling the 'click' with someone from the Internet? That you haven't yet doesn't mean you never will. All the Internet does is give you a wider pool of people to check out to see if they have 'click' material or not. You walk by several hundred if not several thousand people a day and you're not 'clicking' with all of them either so to say the Internet doesn't work isn't very logical, IMHO.

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ha ha :lmao:.... I know you love to poke fun at me PADA but I won't be going to see that movie Brokeback Mountain about the gay cowboys anytime soon!!

 

Alpha, I was wondering if you wanted to take me out to the movies. I heard that movie Brokeback Mountain is real good, and we all know how much I love gay porn. Date? :laugh:

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justagirliegirl

I think the fault lies in that you didn't reveal how important appearance was to you before meeting.;)

 

What about webcams if you have good lighting a high speed connection?

 

I had dial up and poor lighting so I had the grey green alien looking appearance and with the voice that would speed up at random to sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks. Good way to weed out shallow people with no sense of humor though!:lmao:

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I'm missing the logic here. What's stopping you from maybe feeling the 'click' with someone from the Internet?

My whole point was that Internet as a medium for meeting people is not my preferred way of "connecting" with someone because I desire and feed off of physical presence in order to truly connect. (Recall the book that everyone raves about? The Five Languages of Love?) And as you stated very nicely yourself,

 

Photos are 2D representations of 3D humans

 

...And humans are made up of more than three dimensions as well; we are spirit, energy, and a myriad untangible things that a photo and printed words can't project. CAN people connect over the Internet? Of course. I wouldn't be here on this forum if I didn't believe that. I have had a lot of internet crushes in the past, and the handful people I did date from match.com *I* contacted first because I liked their profiles and their photos and wanted to get to know them more. And I have not completely written off the idea of "meeting" someone online...I believe that almost anything is possible. But just as we have preferences in what type of people we like and how we love, we can have preferences for how we intitially get to know people. And mine is in person.

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I like the coffee date idea that has been posted here; you like some of the initial photos and you somewhat click--set up a coffee date. If it's a no-go after that, then you move on to the next chick.

 

That's what I've done with guys. I began Internet dating back in November; went out with a few guys, one who didn't look anything at all like his photos--and he looked different in every photo. But, I gave him a chance. We had three dates, but our personalities in person didn't click. He was too shy.

 

I clicked with another guy that I met for coffee after having only seen two of his photos. He looked somewhat different, but no one looks exactly like all their photos. I'd be very suspicious if the issue is weight, though: if someone is heavy in some pics, smaller in other pics...it's good not to have too many surprises.

 

Don't base it all on the photo exchange sessions. You can always meet up and have an "emergency."

 

Good luck!

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