Is he playing games, scared or not interested?

[GiveAndTake]

This is very long I'm sorry. I hope someone reads it. I really need to know what the heck is going on.

 

I am in a new relationship and what do you know, I'm confused. (I'm beginning to think it's not worth it)

 

I met a guy a few months ago. I'll call him 'Tom'.

We immediately hit it off. (I don't know why, but this guy just did it for me)

I met him at my Friday night hangout so I knew I wouldn't see him for a week.

We did IM occasionally during the week.

The following Friday, I found out a that he had an 'on again, off again' girlfriend. (They were dating 4 months)

 

When I saw him again, he initiated conversation and asked me out. I told him, I don't date guys with girlfriends. He defended himself and said they were pretty much broken up and get together occasionally based on 'weakness'. I did appreciate his honesty.

 

The following Friday's, he would show up and we'd flirt but I continued to let him know, I wouldn't date him until she was out of the picture.

 

2 Friday's ago, his 'girlfriend' showed up, kissed him hello. She gave me a dirty look (he had told her about me at this point), then she left.

 

I got kinda pissed and told him so. He was still pursuing me.

 

The next day, he broke it off with her completely and IM'd me and told me.

 

We started dating the next day. We've been together every day since.

 

I feel he is really starting to fall for me and visa versa.

 

I have an ex-boyfriend who calls constantly, shows up everywhere I am and had 2 confrontations already with 'Tom'

Tom made it clear that he was pissed about it.

 

He joked and said "wow, you must have a golden you know what" but then got to the point where he told me he was emotionally involved now and cannot handle this with the ex.

 

I finally called the cops and got rid of the stalking ex.

 

Now, when we are together, he seems to be really attached to me.

 

He said the other day, "I know what it is with you now, not the golden you know what but your loving ways". I swear I thought he was going to say he loved me. He didnt' though. He was very mushy though.

He initiated seeing me and wanted to all the time.

 

Now, the problem.

 

I feel like he's looking to sabotage this relationship. He accused me of being mad at him, I wasn't. I IM'd him last night when I got home (like he always asks me to do) and it was really late, he didn't answer right away so I wrote "I'm going to bed, have a good night". I signed off.

Then this morning, there were IMs from him when I signed on that he wrote after I signed off saying I knew you were mad, why didn't you IM me, I guess if I don't hear from you tomorrow, that's that.

I'm thinking WTF????

 

So I see him come online this morning, I IM him "I DID IM you last night and you didn't respond so I signed off" I also told him that I said good night etc...

 

He didn't respond, so I called him. (At this point I'm thinking there's something wrong with his computer and he isn't getting my IMs or something)

I didn't want this to end with a misunderstanding so I called him.

 

He answered (he has caller ID so he knew it was me)

 

Through this conversation, he said he was mad I signed off last night blah blah blah (I pretty much was thinking he did see my IM but was mad I didn't wait for a response)

 

So we were kinda ok at this point he was cooking breakfast while we were talking and I said, "ok, I'll let you go, let you finish cooking".

He said "I'll call you when I'm done eating".

 

That was 3 hours ago.

 

He's still online but comes on and off idle. Still no phone call.

 

What do you think? Is this a game? Did he fall hard for me and is scared? Is he done with me? I have no clue. I'm NOT gonna IM or call him but I'm so confused.

 

Any answers would be helpful.

[whichwayisup]

I haven't a clue. At first I was thinking yeah, he's really into you, but then his childish actions and reactions made me think otherwise.

 

I think the only way you're going to find out is to come right out and ask him how he feels about you, how deep the feelings are and what he really wants.

And you tell him how you feel about him. Just be honest and tell him you don't play games. It's stupid! Two people that want to be together shouldn't be playing a cat and mouse game this far along. Each of you got rid of the ex's, so now it's time to figure out what is what.

 

Good luck and keep posting!

[GiveAndTake]

Thank you for your response.

 

Well, he finally called. He said he fell asleep.

 

I don't really believe it because I saw him go on and off idle several times.

 

Nevertheless, he did call after I signed off. (I had left the IM's on in case he wanted to IM me. Then I signed off and he called.)

 

The conversation was light. I didn't mention how I felt.

He said he was tired. I said, ok, I guess you're staying in today. He said "well for a little while but I figured I'd be with you later".

 

Then he said he'd call in an hour or so and wanted to make plans.

 

Why do I feel like a puppet? This driving me nuts. I think he's playing. But I'd still like to know if anyone knows if this is a game, disinterest or he's scared.

[B-Chitown79]

It sounds to me like he's scared of being hurt. Maybe there was a time when he was trying to get a reaction from you or something, he didn't get what he wanted and the signals got mixed up for him (is he a real sensitive person?). The same thing happened to me with my gf, she had her IM on but I didn't know she wasn't home. I messaged her and she did not write back. Whatever, no big deal. She called me back apologizing for not being there when I had actually forgot about the whole thing. I'm not sure exactly why he is so mad about the IM stuff, that seems kinda stupid.

[exotic_virgin]

I think u have got ur self a stubborn boyfriend.... The only way is to handle him is too keep it cool... Dont worry... And if he sounds also a little insecure and deemanding.... Its a kinda thing I would do to piss someone off... Now the only way to handle this is to play it... Cool and dont show sensitivity...