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Feeling insecure, poor communication from girlfriend


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I have gotten back with my ex-girlfriend since I had last posted here. A month ago, I would never think that I could be together with her again. Anyways, we got back together 2 weeks ago and all has been going smoothly. She even assured me that she will work towards getting upset at me less easily. She had a really short fuse before, and for all the wrong reasons, but she is really more devoted to our relationship this time, and has been much easier to deal with.

 

Yesterday was an exception.

Two nights ago I got a fever and that night we talked on the phone. She seemed so sweet and caring then, and I went to bed with a smile on my face.

But the next day all that has changed. She called me up at around noon and barely even talked to me. Nevertheless, I tried to find out what's wrong, but before I could, she hung up on me. There was no room in me for anger.. just worry..and alot of it. I called her back and she told me that something has been happening in her life, and that is does not have to do with me. She also assured me that she was not upset at me in any way.

 

What can I say? I believed her every word of course.

Later in the afternoon, I was back home and got some much needed rest.. I was still pretty sick. She called me up and I answered right away. Guess what? She called to ask me if I'll have lunch with my parents tomorrow after my doctor appointment- because I had planned to see her. I was barely awake and needless to say I was in pain, but she drilled me with questions and told me that she just wont see me tomorrow, because she doesnt want to be dissapointed (dissapointed meaning her idea that I am putting my parents first to have lunch with that). Dissapointed or not, I have never planned to do that.

 

Night time. I called her up. We made small talk and finally she told me that I am probably going to see the doctor with my parents again, and then having lunch with them. But here is the problem, I never said anything about seeing the doctor with my parents (my god, I am 20..), and I also said nothing about having lunch with them. I did see the doctor with my parents once or twice-namely because we just switched to this new doctor whom my parents' friends recommended. She just assumed the worst. On top of that, she never once asked me to confirm if her suspicions were true. Up to that point where she finally eased off on me and stopped getting upset, I really went through hell, with my fever and with her constantly hanging up on me AND turning off her cellphone. I don't know if anyone else would feel this way, but I felt so sad that I could almost throw up... and everytime that she hangs up and turns off her phone on me, it feel as though she had just slammed her door in my face; that she was essentially "dead" because it felt like I would never be able to talk to her again.

 

She is great in many ways but being with her can be a real roller coaster ride. I don't want to do anything drastic just yet. After all, I am not out to hurt her feelings because I really care about her. I just want to look at everything from an unbiased point of view.

 

I would love to hear everyone's insights on this...:confused:

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itwontdawnsooner

it sounds like, while she's making an effort, she can't change who she is. she tried, but the old her still comes out, and she is still not communicating maturely. hanging up and turning off the phone is like slamming the door on your face and putting her fingers in her ears so that she can't hear you.

 

if shes making you choose between her and your parents, shes being completely unfair. its not a "choice" you have to make, both are parts of you. she is not healthy with her approach, and this doesnt seem like its getting better.

 

youre not ready to make a drastic move, but its getting to that point again because nobody changes overnight and you can only take unhealthy, immature partners for so long!

 

id be pretty fed up by now. youre not out to hurt her feelings? shes doing it to you! and youre taking it! (because you care) - this is not good at all.

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slubberdegullion

ICS, while she may be trying, it's pretty clear that her drama queen tendencies are ingrained.

 

You're not her therapist, dude, and her game-playing, while probably not deliberate, will wear you out quicker than a tree attacked by a cluster of beavers.

 

IMHO, you'll have to put your foot down - HARD - about this, or move on.

 

Good luck.

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Ok two may I sugest two approaches....

 

1 Modern man says.....

She may be going through those hormonal changes we all go through. Causing her to act irrationally. This may change over time if you are prepared to put yourself through all this hot/cold stuff, carry on.

 

2. Not so modern man says....

You are 20! What are you doing putting up with this behavior? Giving you grief over meeting your parents or seeing a doctor! Thats way off base. Get out, nothing compensates for such outrageous behavior.

 

Take your pick, it is your life.

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From a girls perspective... Even if she's having her own problems right now, and maybe those are influencing her actions, that isn't a good enough excuse for how she's treating you. You're sick. Her first concern should be in how you are doing and feeling! Not hanging up on you, not getting pissed because you may or may not spend a couple hours with your parents. That's childish. Immature. And selfish.

 

You need to put your foot down. Does she realize how she's acting? I know that sometimes when I'm trying to change an ingrained behavior it has taken a (figurative) slap from my bf to get me to realize I was acting that way again. Point it out to her. let her know that this is the behavior which caused the down fall last time, and that she needs to re-evaluate her actions. If she's serious about making the relationship work, then she will take a step back and reconsider her actions and feelings. If she doesn't, then you know she isn't going to change.

 

Don't let this slide simply because you don't want to hurt her. You're not doing her any favors by allowing the behavior to continue as if it's acceptable. Talk to her calmly and rationally, but be firm in this. It's okay to be forgiving of a slip up, but if she isn't aware that she's slipped back into old habits, then she can't correct it. And she'll be less likely to be aware of it happening again in the future.

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itwontdawnsooner

well said walk, staying in this to not hurt her feelings while its making you so obviously stressed is not being caring, its being masochistic - im not trying to make you feel bad, thats the truth. youre trying here, and clearly you care, but you, in my opinion too, have to draw a line like the above posters are suggesting

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Drama Queen. Women are easily forgiven for their insanity because they are either beautiful, have breasts and a vagina. Look at Paris Hilton! She's bad news, but you'll learn in a couple months or years.

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In one of the threads on your relationship, I noted that you should need to "tell her that you need a real relationship," and "if she doesn't deliver, then dump her." The same message applies this time around. actually, the latter part of the message applies in this case. She's not worth the time or energy, so kick her to the curb.

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In one of the threads on your relationship, I noted that you should need to "tell her that you need a real relationship," and "if she doesn't deliver, then dump her." The same message applies this time around. actually, the latter part of the message applies in this case. She's not worth the time or energy; kick her to the curb.

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