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How should I handle this new situation?


mrB2006

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Hello,

I am in a bit of a pickle. OK, I will hopefully have this 'blind date' set up by the middle of this coming week. I am looking forward to it. This person sounds like she is interesting. However, according to my mom and her friends (who heard this from the girl's mother), she rarely dates. In fact, I have more dating experience than this lady--when I heard that I almost laughed, considering my 'dating experience'. I introduced myself by email. I asked her questions about herself and what she is studying in school. She responded withing a day. In the repsonse she said that she would be happy to see me. She then asked my when I would like to meet her. Well, I sent her another email letting her know when we could meet. That was almost three days ago. Am I being really anal about this? Is three days way too long to respond? It is one of my pet peeves when someone doesn't respond in a timely manner.

 

Also, my 'friend' will be in town around next week for Christmas break. She already knows my feelings since I spilled my guts. I think I will feel very strange around her. However, in her last email two weeks ago, she said that she can't wait to speak with me. (She emphasized the word wait). She also said that she wants to talk to me for a long time so we could catch up. When she closed the email, she closed with a someone affectionate close. I am really baffled by this chick. It is like she is toying with me. She pretty much told me that I will always be her friend, but never a lover. So instead of going through this rollercoaster again, should I let her know that I care for her, but feel that I need to stop contacting her? I honestly don't think I can let this charade go on. I love the woman, but if it isn't reciprocated, then I am just wasting my time. (I deep down love and care for this woman. But I think I will look like a fool if I continue). But the problem is this. When I spilled my guts, I asked her if I should continue contacting her. I said that I would understand and respect her opinion if she felt we should cut off communications. I also went on to add that I really valued our communications. I said that since we were somewhat emotionally intimate, it would be a shame to just drop our friendship/relationship just like that. Well, she responded with the 'you'll always be one of my friends' lines and that she wanted to continue writing to me.

 

Bottom line: Will I come across as a jerk if I ask that we stop communicating? I mean, I was the one who said we should continue at the begining of this.

 

thanks in advance

mrB

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I think you and this woman need to really talk. FIND out for sure what she thinks of you! If it doesn't go your way, then do the no contact and no friendship thing. Until then, this will be a question mark in your head and drive you NUTS!

 

As for the blinddate woman...Let it go afew more days. IF she doesn't reply back, then email her and just let her know that if she doesn't want to go out on a date, that is fine by you, no feelings will be hurt, but if she could reply either way, just out of consideration and respect.

 

Keep posting and let us know how things go!

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Whichwayisup, I plan to talk to her when I see her. I am first going to evaluate the situation. By that, I mean I am going to make sure that I will be in the right 'element'. I think the first two minutes of our meeting will tell the tale.

 

I would hate to cut off our friendship. I have known her since high school. But this whole ordeal, which was mainly of my own making, is driving me crazy. I hope that this upcoming meeting will be closure. How do you forget someone you love? I know it sounds crazy, but I feel that she is a part of me. This is really eating at my soul.

 

Would I be selfish if I cut off the friendship?

 

I realize that I have brought this up before on LS. But now I will be seeing her in less than a week. This almost feels like I am getting ready for my own execution. Time is ticking to a conclusion. And I have only a 'Hail Mary' pass left in the playbook.

 

mrB

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And I have only a 'Hail Mary' pass left in the playbook.

mrB

 

Treat it like a football game then. You make your hail mary pass and if it's complete (she wants a relationship) then you 'win' the game. If the pass is incomplete (she wants to remain friends) then the game ends and you move on.

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Well, my friend called me up yesterday afternoon. She arrived home late the night before. She wants to meet on Friday. She also asked me if I wanted to attend Christmas services with her. (I am a Protestant, She is Catholic). I agreed. (the country I am going to is predominately catholic, I asked her some questions about her denomination.) Boy, am I a bit nervous.

 

She was VERY cheery on the phone. But, I am SURE nothing is to come of this. I am not quite sure how to proceed. You know, I did buy her a Christmas gift. I had put some thought into it (CD,journal, and pen). But, hopefully I can muster enough guts and not goof up this meeting.

 

Any thoughts?

MrB

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sorry, I had posted this to a different thread, but I thought it would also be needed on this tread as well.

 

My 'blind date' has pushed back our meeting till next week. I don't know if it nerves or what on her part. But I am still looking forward to meeting her.

 

As for my friend, I think things got a little better. At least I made an effort. That is all that matters. I think I will keep her as a friend. Seeing her reaction to my gift made me feel a joy I hadn't felt in a long time. Her reaction to it lifted me a bit. (I know that sounds corny. But, hey, it's Christmas).

 

I think I left her with the feeling that "Hey, he may be shy. But he does care about me". But, like I mentioned in the thread below, I have to move on. If God wants us to be together then somehow he will do it. I will leave it in his hands for now. I have done all I could.

 

Here is my thread. I hope I don't get in trouble for cross posting threads....

 

Thanks

 

"Merry Christmas to all!

 

Well,

I saw my friend again. I saw her on Friday. It was kind of an awkward meeting. Our conversations revolved around our careers and politics. My letters never made it into the conversations.

Since I am a methodist and she is a catholic, I asked her about her religion a couple of weeks back. The country I will be heading to is primarily catholic. (I have been to a few masses before since my grandmother is catholic). My friend therefore invited me to a christmas midnight mass. It was a very rewarding experience. (I had gone to my mother's methodist service a few hours before).

 

She picked me up and I gave her her present in the church parking lot. She said she would open it after the service.

On our way into the church, we hugged each other. She thanked me for coming since her family didn't come.

While we were sitting in the pews, I noticed we were sitting fairly close to each other. I tried to go for her hand, but she refused it. That was o.k..

 

All during the mass, she would whisper in my ear what was going on and give me a cute smile. (I was pleased she was letting me in on what was happening.)

 

After the service, we walked to her car. She apologized for not buying me anything. I reassured her that that was alright. She opened the box and started to cry a little. She said she was very touched by what I had gotten her. I said that it was the least I could do. We sat in the car for about two minutes. She kept saying how touched and surprised she was at my gift.

(I got her a cd, journal, and fountain pen-I also tucked in my overseas address for her).

 

She told me that she would definately write me.

 

In my driveway, she looked at me with a smile on her face. She held my hand and thanked me. It looked like she was about ready to cry again. Then she said Merry Christmas. I said Merry Christmas to her. I then told her to have a safe trip home. That was it.

 

I felt really well after last night. I think I did leave an impression on her. And although I still care for her, I realize that life goes on.

 

After going to the several church services, I feel renewed. It is rather amazing if you think about it. And I am really appreciative to my friend for letting me come with her.

 

Hope everyone is having a fantastic Christmas (and Hannukah)."

 

 

MrB

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