He makes me so angry!!!

[Giselle]

Ugh, I don't know what to do. My fiance and I have been engaged for a few years and I just don't know if I should just get out or if something is wrong my view of what a relationship should be.

 

I feel like there is such a double standard going on here. He can call his female friends "sweetheart," spend HOURS tutoring them in math (we are both university students), hug them, and even partake with his (SINGLE) buddies in throwing paper down their shirts! Now I can laugh it off, let it not bother me, I am not all that jealous because I am reasonably certain he would never cheat on me. What makes me angry is that I have almost no male friends because he scares them all away. The only male friends I really have are his group of buddies. And I am pretty good friends with them--but they are all afraid to even LOOK at me, much less hug me, because my fiance is so possesive!

 

He is rude. I brought my roomate to a school event with us (it wasn't just the two of us, we were with a group) and he kept saying really loudly "Let's ditch her" and I got angry but he said he was just kidding! He ALWAYS says he is just kidding. Awhile ago, we were hanging out with his mother. I was expecting an important call, and when it came he tried to grab the phone away after I had already answered it. I looked at him and said "STOP" really sharply and afterwards he pulled me aside and said "Don't do that in front of my mother!" I just looked at him and said "Well then don't behave like that!"

 

I feel like I get no respect in this relationship. But sometimes I feel like my view of what a relationship should be might be skewed because of the things he says to me. He says I am very very selfish and self-centered and mean and even emotionally abusive to him. I see myself as defending and standing up for myself. I am quite vocal--I have discussed all of these issues with him. He will just shrug me aside or say "I really don't want to talk about this now." I don't want to tolerate this. I think I have changed--this past semester I moved from the dorm we were in to a transitional-type apartment across campus AND I finally got a car. I finally have a slight measure of independence. I have grown so much--I have gotten over many of my fears and anxieties (I have really bad OCD and social anxiety disorder) just because I feel like I have taken back control of my life. He used to tell me that I would fall apart if we ever broke up. All we have been doing lately is fight and argue.

 

This is only one side of the story though. I wonder, what if I really am being selfish and stupid and everything he tells me I am? Is it wrong for me to feel like I deserve better? Instead of being angry, maybe I should be working on being nicer and easier to get along with?

 

Sorry this was long, it was more of a rant. I just get really angry with him sometimes.

[Outcast]

and he kept saying really loudly "Let's ditch her" and I got angry but he said he was just kidding! He ALWAYS says he is just kidding

 

A lot of ignorant people try to make light of their boorish behaviour by saying they were 'just kidding'. It's a passive-aggressive's way of attacking you but making you feel as though you're in the wrong if you protest, which seems to be his overall pattern of behaviour with you.

 

Your school likely has a counselling service. You two should see one of the counsellors as a couple to get an outsider's perspective on who needs to change here but from the way you tell it, he's the one with bigger issues.

[Hot Chocolate]

He is an abuser in the making. It's not really a question of "ignorance." All the signs are there. Please don't marry someone who you've already admitted is rude and inconsiderate. It will only get worse, trust me.

[mini696]

This guy is an a**h***.