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My girlfriend is "sleeping" with another guy


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This is a somewhat awkward situation. If you have been reading my other posts lately, you would know that my girlfriend and I are taking a break right now. However, we have been talking on the phone everyday, so it is not quite a break, and she tells me how much she misses me all the time. Anyhow, I have been uncomfortable with a few things she has been doing- and this is long before we took our break. In fact, she has been doing this for (almost) as long as she moved in with her roomate and best friend.

 

Since two months ago, she moved in with her guy friend and occassionally she tells me that she feels alone and so she sleeps with her friend (or her friend sleeps with her). For the first few times, I was being very understanding and did not get upset, and I thought little of it. However, as much as I trust her, something is not right. She tells me that it's ok to sleep together with him because he is gay and dates strictly men, and that they are like sisters. She told me that it's like me and my family- that to her, he is part of her family because her parents neglect her alot.

 

I feel very uneasy about this, and a week ago I spoke up and made it known to her how much I dislike her sleeping with him. She promptly told me she understood why I might be upset, and did not sleep with him the night we had our talk. But that was soon to be forgotten. Tonight and last night she had slept with him again... and honest to god I dont feel comfortable at all, despite my trust in her. I care not if her friend is gay, a guy is still a guy. Besides, I feel it is very disrespectful to me for her friend to sleep with her even though she knows that I am her boyfriend, and that perhaps I might mind. Even more interesting is that fact that my girlfriend didn't know that it had bothered me until I spoke up.

 

Now, this girl is sweet in many ways. For instance, she is making me a sweater right now, but when it comes to problems like the above... I feel like an idiot to not speak up or feel uneasy. I am just trying to seek some advice on how I should approach this before I make any stupid moves or say anything to offend her or show her that I don't trust her.

 

Thanks alot guys

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Last I heard you broke up. But you're calling her your girlfriend, so I guess it didn't take.

 

I think it would bother me to know she's sleeping with another guy, even if he was gay. I don't know what it's like to be gay, but I'd think it would be a turnon to have a soft sweet warm cute girl who smells good sleeping next to you, even if you were gay. Maybe I'm wrong. But it would probably bother me and I'd hassle her about it.

 

No advice I guess. Your girl seems to present you with a lot of challenges. That's going to wear you down at some point.

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I don't know what it's like to be gay, but I'd think it would be a turnon to have a soft sweet warm cute girl who smells good sleeping next to you, even if you were gay.

 

So then if you had a nice big hot hunky man who smells good sleeping next to you, even though you're not gay you'd find it a turn on?

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So then if you had a nice big hot hunky man who smells good sleeping next to you, even though you're not gay you'd find it a turn on?

 

No. That would just annoy me.

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Well then. Gay guys are gay because women don't turn them on.

 

If she didn't turn him on, he wouldn't want her in his bed. There's that homo/hetero continuum don't forget.

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Having her knit you a sweater is sweet, having her stop sleeping with this raging homo would be even sweeter.

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simple as 1,2,3,4

 

1st GROW SOME BALLS

2nd don't be afraid to be alone

3rd kick her on her azz where she belongs

4th get a new girlfriend

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I had something similar before... She had asked me to come for breakfast at her apartment to 'talk about us'.... When I arrived she wasn't home. It turns out she had spent the night before sleeping with her gay neighbor friend.

 

I agree, technically it shouldn't be a problem. Especially since you trust her. But when it happened to me, I had a tough time feeling ok about it. I even got jeleaous... I mean, how many times have you been at a club and you'll see a supposedly gay guy making out with a girl, and everyone thinks its funny/cute. 'Oh but he's supposed to be gay, crazy boy'. I've seen that a lot.

 

If it happened to me again, instead of being made to feel helpless, I would talk to her about it. I would try and better understand what led her to need to do that. Tell her that it seems like there is something wrong, and you'd like to know how to make it better. Because in a normal healthy relationship, she shouldn't need to sleep with her gay friend.

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Last I heard you broke up. But you're calling her your girlfriend, so I guess it didn't take.

 

I think it would bother me to know she's sleeping with another guy, even if he was gay. I don't know what it's like to be gay, but I'd think it would be a turnon to have a soft sweet warm cute girl who smells good sleeping next to you, even if you were gay. Maybe I'm wrong. But it would probably bother me and I'd hassle her about it.

 

No advice I guess. Your girl seems to present you with a lot of challenges. That's going to wear you down at some point.

 

 

Yeah we did breakup. Or more precisely, I broke up with her, but now she is calling me everyday after one several nights ago when I almost told her off. I know she's not marriage material and I know she is very immature, but every time I told her I didn't want to be with her, I find it impossible to stop thinking about her or trying to talk to her in some way. What perplexes me so much is that she does have a set of good qualities- aside from the problems I have presented, which does not help make this a black and white decision at all. Several nights ago she broke the chain of our arguments by asking me if we could just stop arguing. I guess I felt bad and stopped because I didn't want to hurt her. We basically left that conversation and agreed to keep arguments to a minimal. I don't think that will work. Last night my friend asked me to list all the reasons why I love her, and I found it hard to put down any substantial reasons because alot of them are contradicted by her eccentric behaviour. Although if you ask me, I would say yes, I do love her, but then we are back to square one again.

 

Her circle of friends had always bothered me. For one, none of them really seem to like me, despite not knowing anything more about me than my name, For two, they are a bad influence to her... however much she considers them to be her family. A long time ago I posted here about her gay friend giving me problems. I was outraged by his requests of my girlfriend. He was sending her naked pictures of himself and wanted some from her too. Well, turns out that she did take such pictures of herself and sent them to him, justifying that all her friends do that and that it's fine because he's gay and: "It's not like I am prostituting myself to him". You may be wondering because I posted that under another name, which my girlfriend found out about and started reading all my messages. Anyway, that event left a huge scar in my mind, and every now and it will always be repressed in my brain. And it has been repressed for a very long time, until now.. a few days ago I brought up the problem, and yet again she scolds me: "how could you say it's not normal? we live in totally different lives, all my friends are like that.". And she said that her friend "mary" did that once and a friend of hers sent them out to guys, and they were ok with that. Then she lectured me on how I should not have posted here to seek advice on what's right or what's wrong and that to her it's right. "We're all humans. I trust that he won't post my pictues on the internet. And besides it wasnt nude, just topless. In a way i probably took them for you too." I really don't care anymore if she reads my posts, there's nothing to lose. She also told me that she would not take those pictues again because she knows how I feel, and that I make her feel "whore-like". It is interesting to mention that she probably never thought if I would mind that she is sending such provocative pitures to her gay friend. She probably also never questioned my thoughts on her sleeping with her gay friend until I told her how I felt. Fine, end of story.

 

I am going to try to keep my distance from her, and I think this break that she is making us take will eventually turn into one for which I will forget about her and move on. I don't want to stray away from my goal, I don't think there is any way to repair this relationship anymore. I just had too much hope thinking that "maybe one day she will change". Speculation won't ever get me there.. I need alot of encouragement and advice to break those emotional ties with her.

 

Thanks for reading

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Well, I finally ended it tonight, she still thinks she is right and tells me that she would never let me hurt HER again and wish that she never met me. Fine, good, and that's the end of my 3 year relationship with her. It died a very violent death.

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I need some advice...

 

After we got off the phone she wrote me a few text messages and told me how she just wanted to kill herself because she felt so hurt. I wanted to make sure she was ok so I called her up. Her voice was quivering and she was crying the whole time... She told me she had cut herself, and asked me why she couldnt feel anything. I was beginning to become very worried and even felt a little guilty of making her think such thoughts. I don't even know where she is right now... For the 3 years that I have been with her, I have never seen her like this. During our phone conversation last night she also talked about how she was not like me, and how she can become very unstable. I don't think I can keep up with her being polar opposites all the time, yet I don't want to be the reason she lives her life in misery... with thoughts of death.. I am scared that she might actually do it.. She turned her phone off last night and I still cannot reach her.

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The fact that she does all this wacky stuff then threatens to kill herself when you grow some and dump her proves that she was not the girl for you.

 

I would call her parents, tell them you are worried about her but that you have broken up and leave it at that.

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I can't call her parents. In fact, they are out of town for 3 months. On top of that, her parents dislike me because I am not jewish, and we have never exchanged a single conversation with each other. I just don't want to complicate matters and wish that I could ensure that she is ok... But now how do I do that? The more I think about it, the more scared I am of her hurting herself, it's 2pm and I still cannot reach her.

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Call the cops and tell them she's trying to committ suicide. If she's not being serious it'll knock the "suicide" threat from her head. If she is serious, then they can get her to someone who can help.

 

I don't want to discount the seriousness of her threat, but at the same time, I've heard the same thing from so many ex's. I know they are hurting and want the pain to stop, but you have your life to live too. They are being selfish in asking you to give up your life for their "happiness".

 

I just wanted to add one thing. When a women is cuddling up with another man, whether he's gay or not, she's cheating. It doesn't have to be through sex. But she was emotionally cheating on you. If she's giving that part of her to someone else, then there's no room for you in there.

 

You did the right thing breaking up with her.

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I called her up again a few hours ago and I was happy to find out that her phone was on again. She didn't pick up the phone for the first few times, but when she did, she said nothing and just hung up on me. I am guessing that she is angry and hurt, but better that than threatening to end her life... I think her anger will keep her mind away from taking her life, which is a relief. Although once again, I cannot see her talking to me for a very long time. There is just such intense drama with everything we went through. But a few things still dwell on my mind-regarding what she wrote me a few weeks back:

 

Even though things are tough at school and life right

now don't doubt yourself or your abilities. You are such

a remarkable man with undiscovered and discovered

talents, a warm kind heart what any girl could ask for,

and for some reason you love me... You'll be something

great one day, even more wonderful than you are now.

 

What does it mean? Does she know about all her shortcomings?

I am just quite curious.

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It's hard to swallow I know....I just got out of a 3 year'er too;) , but the fact is you gotta not look at the text messages, don't text or call her....just let the lonliness eat you to the point of unbearableness and you will wake one day.....hopefully, rejuvinated and a better man out of all this.

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