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I feel rejected and not sure if it was my fault or simply his lack of interest in me


Fun2BMe

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A few weeks ago I met a guy I liked a lot. He asked me out for Sunday night, then during the week he asked me out again. He did not contact me Friday and Saturday which upset me. Sunday he called twice, I didn't answer. Then he emailed for me to see him that night. I wrote back that I was feeling too lazy to get out. In reality I was upset he had not contacted me all weekend.

 

The following two days he didn't call or email which upset me. The last I heard from him was an email he sent Wednesday afternoon asking how I was doing. I was upset that he had not asked to see me on Friday and Saturday nights and had not telephoned me in a while so I responded with a short closed end answer.

 

Friday and Saturday have come and gone and again he has not asked me out. Now I am feeling like if he calls to see me tomorrow night, maybe after his real dates are over, like I am second (or third?) best, I will snap and say some mean things to him. Or should I play it cool and still see him, or should I make an excuse not to see him so he gets the idea I don't like to be passed up on for the weekend. Even if he asked to see me all day Sunday I would be more ok with it, I want to spend more time with him and feel like I only see him at night on unpopular nights.

 

I am also starting to fear if he doesn't even call. Does this mean he was never that interested in me, or was it something I did that turned him off or what? I am feeling hurt because I thought he really liked me and I liked him a lot. We have so many things in common and have fun the times we've been together. I fear he would lose respect if I was ok with odd days of the week to see him, but now I feel like he is losing interest in me since he has not called or emailed in a while. Would I be a doormat to cater to his schedule while being stuck at home on weekends? Or is it normal in the beginning.

 

Should I contact him or would that look desperate after he hs not been contacting me? I feel so hurt for opening my heart and thinking this would turn into something meaningful. Do I wait it out and see him on his terms or speak up about it? I hope I didn't lose my chance with him by not having seen him the last Sundays he's asked me and the short response after which I haven't heard from him yet. What do you think is going on and what should I do? :( This is going to sound pathetic, but I even got my hair and nails done in case he were to want to see me this weekend which makes me feel more rejected.

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A few weeks ago I met a guy I liked a lot. He asked me out for Sunday night, then during the week he asked me out again. He did not contact me Friday and Saturday which upset me. Sunday he called twice, I didn't answer. Then he emailed for me to see him that night. I wrote back that I was feeling too lazy to get out. In reality I was upset he had not contacted me all weekend.

 

He already asked you out twice for one date. What did you want - a daily phone call? This is only the beginning of a relationship. For all you know he was out of town or working or any number of other things.

 

CHILL. You have gotten yourself into a lather and are snubbing him over your own unrealistic expectations. Stop being sulky and pouty and expecting him to call on X days and at X times. Take it EASY!!!

 

You sure aren't going to win him over by flipping out on him for not phoning you constantly!

I feel so hurt for opening my heart and thinking this would turn into something meaningful

 

It's just one date!!!!!!

 

You aren't very old, are you?

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So i should "CHILL". It's very hard and I thought I had the right to get upset at him. How can he get me to like him then not call all the time or ask me to see him on the weekend. But I'm glad I asked so I won't get all mad at him the next time he calls. Since you have a lot of posts I will assume you are giving good advice.

You aren't very old, are you?

I'm 37, not considered very old.

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How can he get me to like him then not call all the time or ask me to see him on the weekend

 

A lot of guys hate calling at all, much less 'all the time' and certainly there's a LOT of guys who won't call 'all the time' until they're in an official couple.

 

You're 37? Have you ever dated? Why would you ever think someone who you haven't even gone out with once would call you 'all the time'?

 

I'm just very surprised at your whole approach - I honestly thought you were in high school.

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Did you sleep with him on the first date? That would make you a second tier date, the girl he calls either to keep him company when no first tier dates are available or when he wants easy sex.

 

Regardless, if you feel you're being used, then you probably are. At the very least, you don't like being called to go out at the last minute and that's the way he likes to do it. That's what dating is for: finding out if the other is an acceptable match for you.

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She never went on the first date! She accepted and then turned him down because he didn't ask thrice more after already asking her twice. Get with the program, Auntie.

 

Then she snubbed him when he called again. I doubt he'll try any more, frankly. Too many sulky games from someone he hasn't been out with yet.

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She never went on the first date! She accepted and then turned him down because he didn't ask thrice more after already asking her twice. Get with the program, Auntie.

 

Then she snubbed him when he called again. I doubt he'll try any more, frankly. Too many sulky games from someone he hasn't been out with yet.

I apologize if I didn't make it clear. The first time he asked for the Sunday date I went. Then he asked during the week I went. Then he would only ask on those days - either sunday nights ( I mention at least if it was also during the day I would be ok) or in the middle of the week, that's when I STARTED to say no becuase it was never on the weekend or during the day at the least on Sunday. By Sunday night I felt like I was his leftover from the real dates he must have had on the weekend, which is why I feel so upset.

 

Yes, we did have sex. It was very good and I don't easily fall into that. I really thought he liked me a lot, at least as much as I liked him. When I never (granted it hasn't been a long time yet) progressed to the Friday-Saturday schedule, I am feeling rejected and now that I turned him down last Sunday and Wed. kind of snumbbed his email, he hasn't called or emailed since.

 

I was planning on venting and getting upset the next time he does. He can't get intimate then put me aside or keep me for a sunday or mid week hook up. I want him to get to know me better, call more often and ask to see me on the weekend. I feel so down about that not happening, if anyone I thought he was a good catch so maybe something is wrong with me to mess things up so quickly.

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Did you sleep with him on the first date? That would make you a second tier date, the girl he calls either to keep him company when no first tier dates are available or when he wants easy sex.

 

Regardless, if you feel you're being used, then you probably are. At the very least, you don't like being called to go out at the last minute and that's the way he likes to do it. That's what dating is for: finding out if the other is an acceptable match for you.

That hurts to think that maybe I am being used by him. I didn't think by sleeping with him I would fall into second tier, but obviously that is what has happened. I thought he'd be more into me and see how much I like him since I don't easily sleep with men, but how should he know that for not knowing me so long. I wish I could go back and not sleep with him, and also not have said no to seeing him. I guess it is my fault after all even though it has felt like his for not contacting me. At the least I know now not to get upset at him when he calls. It still doesn't seem fair though for me to being going through all this. I wish he felt the same strong feelings I feel for him, otherwise he would have wanted to see this weekend as I have wanted to see him. I appreciate the feedback and can maybe finally fall asleep not feeling as upset as I have at him and take some of the blame.

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I apologize if I didn't make it clear. The first time he asked for the Sunday date I went. Then he asked during the week I went. Then he would only ask on those days - either sunday nights ( I mention at least if it was also during the day I would be ok) or in the middle of the week, that's when I STARTED to say no becuase it was never on the weekend or during the day at the least on Sunday. By Sunday night I felt like I was his leftover from the real dates he must have had on the weekend, which is why I feel so upset.

 

Yes, we did have sex. It was very good and I don't easily fall into that. I really thought he liked me a lot, at least as much as I liked him. When I never (granted it hasn't been a long time yet) progressed to the Friday-Saturday schedule, I am feeling rejected and now that I turned him down last Sunday and Wed. kind of snumbbed his email, he hasn't called or emailed since.

 

I was planning on venting and getting upset the next time he does. He can't get intimate then put me aside or keep me for a sunday or mid week hook up. I want him to get to know me better, call more often and ask to see me on the weekend. I feel so down about that not happening, if anyone I thought he was a good catch so maybe something is wrong with me to mess things up so quickly.

Yeah, Outcast, get with the program. :p

 

Fun2, I doubt you did anything wrong to mess things up...other than sleeping with him on the first date. I'm sure I'll get a million responses that so-and-so slept together on the first date and they've been together 400 years since then. In fact, I know a couple - ONE couple - who had sex on their first date and have been married about ten years now. But there are a good number of men who, although quite willing to have sex with a woman on the first date, will then relegate her to "good for now" girl because he assumes she sleeps with all of her first dates. Great chemistry and fantastic sex won't change that perception. It's not fair but it's the way that it is. There's nothing you can do to change that initial impression of you. Just live and learn. :)

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Yeah, Outcast, get with the program.

 

Sorry - my mind-reading capabilities aren't up to snuff :lmao:

 

Fun2 - then my advice is revised to 'never ever sleep with someone on the first date'. IMHO you should sleep with someone when you've fallen in love and not before.

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Fun2 - then my advice is revised to 'never ever sleep with someone on the first date'. IMHO you should sleep with someone when you've fallen in love and not before.

That's what I'm realizing, but it's so not fair. I only wanted him to see that I was into him. Besides, it's not like he didn't sleep with me on the first date, it's not like he's at home thinking he shouldn't have. It is all falling back to hurt me when it was a bigger sacrifice for me to sleep with him. I don't do it often and now I'm feeling hurt that he's decided to snub me.

 

You and Cool Aunt are right, I'll keep away from the bed next time. I wish I got that advice a long time ago. Usually if I'm not so into a guy which is oftentimes the case I will definitely not go to bed but now that I think of it they're the ones who will be on my ass to see them again.

 

Come to think of it, when we were in his bed close to being undressed and I still had my panties on, he asked if I was sure if I wanted to go through with it since we had just met. I thought he'd be upset if I said no, I wanted to show him I liked him. I wouldn't be in that position with a man I didn't like a lot.

 

It is hard to know what to do at the time but if that is the reason he is now not seeing me then I'll just shake hands and keep things at a distance to start out with, something I do to the men I am not very interested in. I thought that was what turned men off, I would come across as uptight and not sexual.

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Yes, go call him, a guy needs to know if a girl is interested in him! Sending him emails and talking about yourself (not your feelings) or other people in your life is not a sign of interest. (A girl I used to date did that, what was she thinking?)

 

We MEN cannot do all the work, your worth is in value to how much you put into the relationship not what you put on yourself. and that one night thing... welll just see this as a lesson - it's alright. Men do not mind sleeping with the girl after 1-2 dates. I'm sure girls don't either but to be on the safe side, wait :-)

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A few weeks ago I met a guy I liked a lot. He asked me out for Sunday night, then during the week he asked me out again. He did not contact me Friday and Saturday which upset me. Sunday he called twice, I didn't answer. Then he emailed for me to see him that night. I wrote back that I was feeling too lazy to get out. In reality I was upset he had not contacted me all weekend.

 

The point is, he called. Didn't fit your time table, but he did call you. To ignore his calls was stupid. Sorry. Just my take on it. You can't control what goes on in his life! Maybe he was busy, maybe he was sick. Again, the point is HE DID CALL you. Not on Friday, not on Saturday, but on SUNDAY.

 

If he is still calling you he is interested. You have to trust abit more. Has he given you reason NOT to trust him?

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progressed to the Friday-Saturday schedule, I am feeling rejected and now that I turned him down last Sunday and Wed. kind of snumbbed his email, he hasn't called or emailed since.

 

I was planning on venting and getting upset the next time he does. He can't get intimate then put me aside or keep me for a sunday or mid week hook up. I want him to get to know me better, call more often and ask to see me on the weekend. I feel so down about that not happening, if anyone I thought he was a good catch so maybe something is wrong with me to mess things up so quickly.

 

If you go on attack mode so fast now you WILL lose him for good. You barely know him and already you've made SOOOOOOO many assumptions about him. Give it a rest and give this thing a chance to grow. He likes you but isn't going to call you 24/7 and think of you 24/7. People are busy and have lives. Maybe right now you're not #1 on his priority list - That doesn't mean he doesn't care or like you less...Probably means he wants to take his time getting to know you.

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You have all convinced me that I should not get mad and go off on him. I turned my phone ringer back on so I won't avoid him. I will try to accept things the way they are as far as not being his priority and not getting as many calls from him as I'd like. He hasn't called at all yet and maybe gave up on me already. Let's see what happens. I don't want to lose him.

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It might already be too late, how many times do you expect someone to make an effort to be with you ?

 

CLEARLY this guy WAS interested

 

 

it's very fine line between welcomed pursuit and stalking

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No verbal commitment and you're already treating him like shiit.

 

Let's hope your antics don't turn him off, because they'd definitely piss me off.

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You guys better be right. Here I was thinking I'd get pitty and be told he has mistreated me and to leave him. I was ready to tell him off for not continuing to call me until I responded and how wrong he was for not asking me out for a Friday or Saturday night.

 

Instead <<<< I >>>>> just sent him an email to touch base like a doormat, at the risk he might not respond and I'll feel more rejected. At the risk he will not know he was wrong and I have been ok with the way he has treated me by not contacting me all these days.

 

I hope your feedbacks are accurate and I did the right thing. What if he is out having fun with another girl and I will be sitting here waiting for him to respond. This is torture any way I handle it. For the sake of being positive, at this point what have I got to lose I suppose. I am going to have a glass of wine to calm down a little bit.

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You are not putting much value on yourself. Let this man pursue YOU!! The value we place on ourselves has alot to do with the kind of love we receive. Cool as a cucumber is the way I would go.

 

Here's a book that'll help ya...

The Unspoken Rules of Love. What Women Don't Know and Men Don't Tell You. By: Michelle McKinney Hammond & Joel Brooks

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You guys better be right.

 

I'd rather be wrong.

 

I do think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Just relax and take it one date at a time. Until there's a commitment, you can't have too many expectations.

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You are not putting much value on yourself. Let this man pursue YOU!! The value we place on ourselves has alot to do with the kind of love we receive. Cool as a cucumber is the way I would go.

 

Here's a book that'll help ya...

The Unspoken Rules of Love. What Women Don't Know and Men Don't Tell You. By: Michelle McKinney Hammond & Joel Brooks

Thanks for the book suggestion. I placed an order for a copy online. I've been cool as a cucumber as a reaction to conceal the hurt I've been feeling from his behavior hoping that he will realize I'm hurting and waiting for him to give me more attention. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to send that email. I am eagerly awaiting a reply from him. If he doesn't respond today, I will be having more than just a glass of wine.

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"Some things can only be made known by waiting. It is the insurance against being deceived or making wrong decisions."

 

Just a quote from the book.

 

Good luck!

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I think you did the right thing emailing him.

 

I've been cool as a cucumber as a reaction to conceal the hurt I've been feeling from his behavior hoping that he will realize I'm hurting and waiting for him to give me more attention

 

maybe not the best way to get your needs met .... not everyone reads minds

 

keep reading the books, follow the advice in the books as well, that way we can be sure you have plenty of free time and keep this message board alive with why doesn't he call me anymore questions.

 

peace out

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"Let this man pursue YOU!!"

 

clearly this man has done that

 

" The value we place on ourselves has alot to do with the kind of love we receive. "

 

does this man deserve to receive the love of being rejected and ignored, nobody deserves that kind of love

 

I can understand the premise of the advice, what I don't understand is how ignoring and rejecting someone can be effective at attracting someone

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