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The silent treatment..how do i get over this?


JoL

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SO i was seeing someone for a while who i work with...we would always end up in silly misunderstandings and disagreements, and at the end of it all, we decided to be "friends". We werent even a couple to begin with really but we did spend a good 5 months seeing eachother. So we decided- let's just keep it friendly from here on in to avoid further fights and uneeded tension.

 

ANYWAY so a week after mutually agreeing to this, and a generally friendly week of platonic behaviour, he asks me to hang out. Which we do. And at the end of the evening he leans right over to kiss me! To which i react to with pulling back and asking him what he was doing and that i thought we were just friends??

 

Long story short- this happened at the begining of a car trip-I thought to myself at that point- he has invited me out tonight, not for my company, but to try and get one last shag out of me.

 

at the end of the car trip i asked him if we could have a few mins to talk about what happened ...he reacted with telling me to get the hell out and just go, he doesnt want to see me, he needs to go, and that he wants me out of his car and gone.

 

So we had another fight...we exchanged words for about 5 minutes and then I got out and left.

I msged him an hr later to say i dont understand why everything needs to end in a fight with us. No reply. Hasnt spoken to me since. So it's been a week of the silent treatment.

I see him at work perhaps once a day briefly..where he continues to ignore me, as we work on opposite ends of the floor.

 

Last night was our work christmas party. He spent the entire evening with another girl we work with, sitting next to her and carrying on like a fool on the dance floor. This girl has a boyfriend. It was obvious that the behaviour was intentional, most likely aimed at me.

 

We have had 3-4 fights where it has ended with the cold shoulder from him. He has ignored me for days, so this isnt anything new, but ive always been the one to make the first move to speak to him. This time, i am so angry and fed up, that i really feel he should be the one FOR ONCE to make ammends...instead of acting like a jerk.

I dread the thought of running into him at work because i know he will look me in the eye and walk right past me- as he has done before.

 

How do i deal with this, i feel like i am basically making a fool of myself over this idiot. Do i avoid him, do i confront him?

I just want to get over the anger and let this whole thing go- NOT to make up with him- but to give myself closure and the ability to move on and hold my head high without feeling bad about the whole thing- but what would be the best way to go about it?

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As long as you did nothing wrong, then you have no reason not to hold your head up.

 

Look, dont let the foolishness of others change the way you are or the way you would like to be. Dont give him the benefit of making you uncomfortable. Look at him straight in the eyes, walk with confidence and dont let him know that you feel uncomfortable because you are not talking. Continue to do what you do, and do it confidence. Let him be the one to feel uncomfortable.

 

 

 

BTW.....Never ever date someone you work with. Its always a bad idea.

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slubberdegullion
he has invited me out tonight, not for my company, but to try and get one last shag out of me.

And the problem with that is...?

sorry, couldn't resist :D

Do i avoid him, do i confront him? I just want to get over the anger and let this whole thing go- NOT to make up with him- but to give myself closure and the ability to move on and hold my head high without feeling bad about the whole thing- but what would be the best way to go about it?

Just let it go. This whole thing about closure is self-defeating, because any attempt at discourse with this fellow will probably put you back right where you started.

 

Never ever date someone you work with. Its always a bad idea.
Absolutely right.
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I realise it was a bad idea...i guess im learning from my mistakes!

 

I just want to move past this and not let it get to me...his pressence just makes me feel boiling mad..

His ego has been bruised, so now he is trying to do the same thing to me by flirting and carrying on with a girl who has a boyfriend- which i think is so lousy..he is making a fool of himsef.

 

But im not going to give in to his behaviour. That's what he wants and i refuse to give him the satisfaction.

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Sounds like a great plan to me. Let it go. He'll figure out it's not getting to you and quit acting silly. Of course, then he'll probably want you again, and you can have the satisfaction of saying, "No, thank you!"

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How do i deal with this, i feel like i am basically making a fool of myself over this idiot. Do i avoid him, do i confront him?

I just want to get over the anger and let this whole thing go- NOT to make up with him- but to give myself closure and the ability to move on and hold my head high without feeling bad about the whole thing- but what would be the best way to go about it?

Ay, there's the rub. Relationship rule #3, do not expect closure from anyone, any time. The only closure you can be sure of is the acceptance and confidence that comes from yourself. How many years have LS-ers collectively wasted expecting closure from someone in our lives??? Probably hundreds. I personally have wasted a combined 14 or so months of my life, 14months too much if you ask me.

 

Relationships never tie up into a nice little bow at the end. They are almost always messy to some degree, because people are messy. You don't need any type of validation or explanation or apology from him to be able to hold your head up high. What type of POWER over you are giving him then?? Hold your head up high because you know who you are and what you want, regardless of any jackass from work.

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Guys like this will use jealousy tactics and silent treatment to get you uncomfortable and pining after them. For them it's about control- they want to manipulate and control your emotions...so dont let him!!! Ignore him, avoid him and downright forget about him!

 

I guarantee you arent the first person he has treated like this, and you wont be the last. But hopefully you are strong and smart enough to not give in to his mindgames.

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