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first girlfriend, dont know how to be a boyfriend


bkalltheway

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I've never dated before, and am really new at this. i'm about 19 yrs old, and dont know how to work with women, but want to be able to. I've been a pussy my whole life, so thats why its taken so long. so, this girl that I had a crush on :love: asks me out,( i no, its bad when a girl asks a guy), but i really liked her, and went along with it. This is a long distance relationship, she is 2 hrs away. This is the first time i ever had feelings for someone, and i really liked it. within 3 and a half weeks, i confessed my love, and she did as well, but i knew she wasnt just saying it cuz i was. so things were going great until i mentioned that "i'm afraid things might not work, we are too far apart, and i dont know how this will turn out" that made her think i was trying to break up, but i wasn't. so she refused to talk to me for a day, and finnaly she let me speak over instant messenger. I told her i'm sorry i said that, and did not mean to hurt her. i didnt want to break up, i'm just mentioning that LDRs dont work out all the time. So she claims that i dont trust her, and that she's tired of being the man of the relationship. so, later things kinda died down, i try to have a conversation with her, ask her qustions about her, what shes into, what she thinks about this, that, etc... she only responds with quick short replies leaving no room for conversation, and i just ask her questions the whole time, feeling stupid and boring. she later tells me that we should just be freinds till we see each other again, and things may look up. I told her okay, and for 2 days resisted calling her. I told her on IM that i dont want to be just freinds, that we are more, why take it down? she said she would rather talk to the real ME, not the me on IM or the phone. I couldn't help but keep trying to bring the spark back, and i ended up pouring my heart out to her, telling her everything i feel about her and us. she tells me that i have more feelings for her than she does for me, meaning i love her more than she loves me. she says because of that, we should stop being BF and GF, and just be friends. I told her "i think you're making a mistake, but okay" since i didnt want to pressure her into doing something she doesnt want to do. the last thing she said was that she still wants to be able to be freinds and talk, go to concerts and chill, but that this relationship is not working for her.

 

I really love this girl, and am very selective on who i will let in my heart, she is everything i want, and i have denied other girls before. What can i do to bring her back, she kinda left the door open for a second chance i think, and i want to take advantage of that. I wrote her a song before the breakup, and told her i was planning a surprise when we saw eachother again, but now i dont know what to do with it. I'm hoping by singing the song when i see her again, i will bring her back, but am afraid it will drive her away even more, and she will think i'm some kind of stalker. She is going to a youth conference, so am i, and all her friends will be there, all of mine will be too. this may be a good opportunity for me to get back together. I dont want to blow it.

 

Please give me advice on what i should do, i have no idea, its so hard for me not to try to call her, but i dont cuz i dont know what to say. it's been 3 days since she broke up with me. I really want her back in my life, but i do not know how to say it without sounding stupid and desparate. lets say i win her back, how do i keep her interested in me? i feel boring to her sometimes. what do you all think I should do?

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I think you should respect her wishes and just be friends. LDR's are hard and like you said don't always work out. Maybe it is best for you two to just be friends for now. Don't push her or try to win her back, don't be all mushy to her either, if she did say she is tired of being the man in the relationship than be the man. Move on, have fun and don't whine to her. Women don't like that. For some odd reason if you seem to be doing good and you seem to be happy it draws women in.

 

Nothing you do will change her mind, you have to just let her figure out what she wants, don't become the stalker type because then you will cut off all possibility of ever being with her as a boyfriend again. Be friend.

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You should definitely not try to convince her to come back over the phone or other means of communication other than face to face. In the meanwhile you need to do some serious introspective evaluations of yourself, her, and your relationship. It's very easy, especially in one of your first relationships, to become quickly attached to someone. However, this can lead to problems like you discovered, of her not feeling exactly the same way. I've been there. I know your pain. At this point, there isn't anything you can do to change her mind. Right now, she needs her space to think about things, and you need to do the same thing. Maybe your feelings for her won't be as strong for her after you evaluate the situation. (This was often the case with me). At the end of the day though, if you find that you do truly love this girl then there might be some things you can do, after you've taken enough time for yourself to decide that she's worth the effort.

1. You need to show her that you can be her 'rock'. A woman needs a man that can make her feel safe, secure, and protected. Her accusations of you distrusting her probably stem from your own lack of self-confidence in the relationship. For this to work between you two, you are going to have to change your attitude. You are going to have to take some risks, and sometimes you will fail, it happens. But your self-confidence and faith in your relationship will make her feel reassured and trusted.

2. You have to show that she is not your whole world. Women our age tend to want to be in relationships that aren't that serious. I understand that you love her, or think you do, but she's not ready for that step. By saying those three words, you built a little wall between the two of you. This wall is a huge obstacle. This is why you really need to sit down and think about this girl. Chances are, the 'love' you felt was just your brain's reaction to your first real relationship. If you come to the same conclusion, and believe it!!, you may be able to convince her of that. She probably went through the same thing with her first real boyfriend. Bottom line though is this. She is not your world. You have a life outside of her. Women our age do not like clingy boyfriends, for the most part, and when you act that way, you push her away from you.

3. You need to get back into her life somehow. Stop with the small talk. Odds are, that's just aggravating her. More importantly, you need to see her. Try to arrange a visit; for dinner, maybe a movie, nothing too extravagant. Show up with flowers. NOT 3 dozen roses or anything like that; just something simple but pretty. Do some research, ask her friends what her favorite flower is. If they don't know, ask the parents. Be careful with this though, it's never bad to be on the parents good side, this is a good way to get there provided you don't come off as kind of creepy. Explain the situation to them and how you really like their daughter, don't say love. Anyways, get flowers, simple bouquet that incorporates her favorite flowers. This is the kind of romantic thing she will appreciate. This small gesture might also, hopefully, will remind her of what she liked in you to begin with. While you are out with her, be a gentleman. Open doors, all of them except the bathroom. Seat her at dinner (pull out her chair, etc., etc.). Most importantly, let her talk. You want to show interst in her. Ask open ended questions that will start conversation. But remember, tonight is about her. Stay away from too much physical contact. Don't try to hold her hand, put your arm around her, nothing, unless she starts it. That's key. You do not want to push her away. After the movie or other activity, then you can sneak in something about the relationship. If she responds negatively, let it drop. Don't force the issue. If you do talk about it, try to show her that you have faith in you two as a couple. By now, she will have picked up on how much you care for her, i.e. the flowers, conversation, cavalier behavior. But now, she needs to know that you can be the boyfriend she needs. Criticize yourself, not to the point of self-deprecation but tell her what you could have done better. Not only will this show her that you have been thinking about this, but might get her to open up about what she thinks about you. At the end of the night, before you go home, and you should go home. Do not go up there planning on spending the night, even if invited to do so. You're not up there for a bootie call, don't act like it. Anyways, give her a hug. A hug can be even more intimate than a kiss, and much less threatening. You can kiss her on the forehead. It will be reassuring for her to know that you aren't trying to get into her pants. Also, a lot of women like the kiss on the forehead. It shows that you don't just see her as an object of physical attraction. And just hold her for a while. Human contact is very reassuring. It will help to show her that she is safe in your arms. However, make sure that you are the one that breaks it off, citing the long trip home as a reason or something like that. She'll see that you aren't as clingy as you might have been in the past. Tell her bye, not goodbye. Goodbye has a permanence to it that women do not like. Say bye and tell her you'll talk to her later or maybe for her to call you sometime. Putting the ball in her court is a great way to see how she feels. Then go home, don't wait by the phone. You have a lot of life to live, she might play a big part in it but don't miss anything waiting for her to call you. If you miss the call, you can call her back, it's only polite to do so.

 

Remember, though, this will take time to rebuild this relationship. A lot of trust and bonds need to be rebuilt before you start calling her your girlfriend again. Good Luck!! Hope this helps. Sorry it's so long

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BLOODY HEEL!!! That was a loooonnnnnnggg message. What I have to say is short and sweet. Shes a girl who needs a bit of rejection to be kept interested. For some girls (and me), when you get to the point where a man will follow you like a puppy no matter what you do it gets so annoying! In one sense if she doesnt like you the way you are then you should find some one who does.

 

...On the other hand if you go to this youth day and totally act cool and dont go out of your way to talk to her she'll be putty in your hands. DO NOT SING HER A LOVE SONG!!!!:( NOOOOOO!!!!!!:lmao: This will make her think your a total wet rag, dont get me wrong some girls like that but I think it would make this girl cringe. If she wants you to be more manly, singing a love song will only bring out your feminine side more and she'll run a mile.

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